


Unexpected

by CaptainSwanStories



Series: Unscripted [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Colifer - Freeform, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2019-07-05 22:38:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 46
Words: 47,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15873132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainSwanStories/pseuds/CaptainSwanStories
Summary: Colin has disappeared without warning. His car is gone, and no one has seen him for days. Jennifer's friends assume that he has left her and their children to start a new life, but Jennifer refuses to believe that. Their marriage was a happy one, and Colin isn't the type of man to abandon his family. No, something must have happened to him - Jennifer is sure of it and she'll do whatever it takes to find him and bring him home.





	1. Netflix & Chill

**Colin's pov**

I put the key in the front door and opened it. As I took off my shoes and my coat, I was enthusiastically greeted by Ava and Buckley. The two had become inseparable during the last few years.

'Daddy!' I heard an enthusiastic voice as I walked into the living room. I knelt on the floor with my arms wide. My 3-year-old daughter Ivy came rushing at me and hugged me firmly.

'Did you miss me?' I asked laughing

'Yes!' she yelled in my ear.

I stood up with Ivy in my arms and walked to the kitchen. She clamped her small arms tightly around my neck.

'Hey, handsome' Jennifer said as I walked into the kitchen. She was just preparing the evening meal.

I wrapped an arm around her waist, while I held Ivy with my other arm and pressed a kiss on her cheek.

'How was your first day?'

'Great. A lot of kind people and a nice crew '

'Good' There was disappointment in her voice

I moved my hand to her pregnant belly. 'You can get back to work in a few months, Jen. You have to take it easy right now'

She smiled as she put her hand on mine. 'I know, but I'm a workaholic'

'That's exactly why you have to take it easy and for this little gentleman here' I said, rubbing my hand over her belly

'Mommy is getting fat!' Ivy shrieked

I stroked a few strands of hair from her face. 'Mommy is beautiful'

'You are beautiful!' she said as she pressed a wet kiss on my cheek

'Mommy...' she started 'I'm going to marry daddy when I'm grown up, right?'

Jennifer laughed. 'And what about me?' she asked disappointedly

'You can have him until then, mommy'

Jennifer smiled as she pressed a kiss on my lips. 'Yuk!' Ivy yelled as she tried to wriggle out of my arms. I put her back on the ground so she could continue playing.

When she was out of sight, I pressed Jennifer to the counter and kissed her passionately as my hands slid over her stomach.

'I can't wait until he's here' I whispered

She smiled. 'You have the easy task, Mr. Irish'

'Hey! I have also worked hard on this masterpiece' I said supposedly insulted

'You were very hard, yes' she grinned

I touched her ears with my lips. 'I'm hard now' I whispered as I put her hand on my crotch.

I moved my lips to hers and kissed her. I deepened the kiss as our tongues fought for dominance. We had been together for some years now, but the passion and lust were still there.

She separated our lips and rested her forehead against mine. 'Hm, not now. Ivy is still awake'

'Netflix and Chill tonight?' I almost begged

She smiled at me as she smacked me with a towel. 'Netflix sounds good'

I pouted my lip

'In bath, with you' she added as she turned around and continued to prepare the food.

I pressed a kiss on her cheek and walked into the living room to take a look at Ivy. She ran to me and clung to my leg.

'Hello handsome!' she giggled

'Ivy!' Jennifer shouted from the kitchen

'You always call daddy like that!'

I laughed as I lifted Ivy. That's something between your mother and me, honey'

'Just like Netflix and Chill?' she asked

'Ivy!' Jennifer shouted

Two hours later, Ivy was in bed and we finally had some time for each other. Jennifer sat next to me on the couch and rested her head on my shoulder.

'I feel so useless when I'm not working' she sighed

I took her hand and caressed the top with my thumb. 'You aren't useless. You keep the baby alive and take care of him. There is no task in the world that's more important, love'

She smiled. 'I know, but sometimes I just miss our days together on the set.'

'Do you regret it?'

She stroked my face. 'No, I don't regret anything. I just miss you. Being together in the trailers, sex when we feel like it, you know'

I let my hand slide to her buttocks. 'We can arrange that'

'Is that so?' she asked cheekily as she sat on my lap

I pressed my lips to hers. The lips that I would never get enough of. The lips that I wanted to kiss for the rest of my life.

'Shall we just skip Netflix and taking the bath?' she asked as she began to unbutton my shirt

'Hm, sounds like a plan'


	2. Like Father, Like Daughter

**Jen's pov**

The next morning I woke up by the sunlight that lit up our bedroom. I felt beside me but to my disappointment, Colin was already out of bed. I could really enjoy being in bed with him on free days, but since the birth of Ivy such moments were increasingly rare.

I threw my legs over the edge of the bed and stretched out before putting on my bathrobe. I walked past Ivy's bedroom and expected Colin to be in there, but the room was empty. On the stairs, I heard the sound of a guitar and an enthusiastic Ivy. She was the happiest and most cheerful child I had ever seen and it was not hard to guess from whom she had inherited it. She was obviously the small version of Colin and I enjoyed it immensely, although Colin had changed a lot since the arrival of Ivy. He was still that incredibly sweet man, but he seemed to be more mature. Seemed, because it could still be a big child.

With a big smile, I watched the scene in the living room. Colin sat with Ivy on his lap and a guitar in his arms. Ivy could enjoy music as much as he did and he liked to use it to his advantage. For her third birthday, he had even bought a mini-guitar for her so they could play together. Ivy loved it.

'Again!' she said when Colin played the last notes.

He looked at his fingers with a painful look. 'Another time, honey. Shall we make breakfast for mommy?'

Ivy nodded enthusiastically. 'And for my little brother!'

'And for your little brother' Colin said, laughing, as he put Ivy on the floor. He looked up and his gaze caught mine.

'Hey, love. I didn't hear you' he said, pressing a kiss on my cheek. 'We were about to make breakfast for you'

I wrapped my arms around his neck. 'You're a sweetheart'

He put his hand on the back of my head and curled his fingers through my hair. I buried my face in his neck. 'Are you feeling alright?' he asked worriedly

'Yes' I lied

'Jen...'

I sighed deeply. He knew me like no other.

He grabbed my face in his hands and stared at me. 'Tell me the truth'

I lowered my eyes and tried to control my tears. His thumb slid softly over my cheek as he pressed a kiss on my forehead. 'It's too much for you, isn't it?'

I nodded as the tears ran down my cheeks. My first pregnancy hadn't been an easy one and I had been in constant fear. I loved Ivy so much, but the pregnancy was the worst period of my life. It had put a lot of pressure on my relationship with Colin. We got to know each other better during that period and he was really the most patient and sweet man a woman could wish for. This pregnancy went without any problems so far, but every day I was afraid that it would go wrong. The hormones were demolishing me from the inside.

'It will be fine, love, just like Ivy.'

I put my hand on my belly. Every day I felt guilty that I couldn't just enjoy all of this. He covered my hand with his.

'Let's do something together today'

'You know that is not possible, Colin'

He smirked. 'I've arranged a babysitter for Ivy. Sean will arrive in an hour and then we can do whatever you want'

My jaw dropped slightly. 'Did you really do that?' The last time we had done something with the two of us was when Ivy was a baby.

He nodded. 'So tell me. What do you want to do?'

I pulled him into the corridor and pushed him against the wall. 'I want to lie down in bed with you all day'

He raised his eyebrow. 'Naked?'

'Naked' I confirmed

'Mrs. O'Donoghue, you are very naughty' he whispered in my ear

We had been married for a few years now, but I still got goosebumps when he called me that. Sometimes I didn't realize that I was his wife.

'You taught me'

'Dad, are we going to make breakfast?' Ivy called from the living room

A smile appeared on his face. It was endearing to see how much he loved that little girl. 'I'm coming, honey!'

I pressed my lips to his. His lips were as soft and familiar as during our first kiss. That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person. You realize that this person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. Colin still has that effect on me. Although we kissed for over a hundred times he still turned my world upside down when his lips touch mine.

I separated our lips and gave him a naughty look

'What?'

'Will you come for me too?'

He laid his hand on my belly with a laugh. 'I think this is enough evidence for that'

'Daddy!'

'Yes, darling. I'm on my way!'

He gently caressed my face. 'You'll have to wait a bit longer'

I pouted my lip. 'What if I can't wait any longer?'

He brought his face closer to mine. 'It will be worth the wait'. He pressed a kiss on my cheek and walked to Ivy in the kitchen.

I stood in the doorway and looked at the two loves of my life and the only thing I could do was smile. They were my happiness and I've never been so scared of losing something in my entire life. Nothing in my life has ever meant as much as they do.


	3. Memories

**Colin's pov**

'Come on, Col!' she yelled enthusiastically as she pulled me along.

Sean had arranged that we could leave the whole weekend instead of just a day. Ivy loved to be with him and we knew she would be in good hands with Sean and his wife.

Jennifer wanted to go to the city together to buy stuff for the baby, but I had my doubts about it. Once Upon A Time had already stopped, but the fandom was still huge.

I laughed at Jen's enthusiasm. 'You act like a child'

She stuck her tongue out at me. 'You are the biggest toddler in the house, Mr. Irish'

I smiled as I wrapped my arm around her. She rested her head on my shoulder. 'I really needed this' she sighed

'I know, love. Me too'

I pressed a kiss on her head. 'Let's just enjoy it before we go back to our little bouncing ball'

She gave me a tap on the shoulder. 'You can't live without that bouncing ball'

'And I also can't live without you'

She took my hand and squeezed it gently. 'And I can't live without you'

She dragged me into the first store and smiled at each baby suit she touched. 'This is cute!'

I smiled. 'You said that to everything, Jen'

'But it's just so tiny and sweet'

She finally seemed to enjoy the pregnancy again and it made me very happy to see her like that. I picked up the baby suits that she liked so much. 'Then we take them'

'Colin, we don't need that much'

I pulled her towards me and kissed her forehead. 'You need it and if it makes you happy then we buy it'

'But...'

'Ssh. Just pick what you like. Today it's all about you'

She smiled and showed a little t-shirt with the text 'my daddy is the best'. I saw tears welling up in her eyes.

'Are you okay?'

She nodded. 'Hormones...' she smiled through her tears. '... and you really are the best dad in the world'

I pulled her into a hug and rubbed my hands gently over her back. We settled the baby clothes and walked out with too many bags.

'Are you sure it's not too much?'

'Jen. It is okay. I'm working again and we can afford it '

After the ending of Once Upon a Time, it went all very fast. Jennifer became pregnant and wasn't able to work. I did some small roles, but the bigger roles remained. We weren't poor, but we had to pay more attention to the money. A few weeks ago I was asked for a new series and was overjoyed that I finally could work again for a longer time. The only negative side was that I saw my family less often. I knew Jennifer didn't blame me, but I wanted to be there for her.

'What are you thinking about?' she interrupted my thoughts.

'About you, you know that'

She sighed. 'Romeo. Now the truth please'

'I was thinking about us'

I saw a bit of panic in her eyes. 'Why?'

I took her hand to calm her down. 'Hey, calm down. I really don't want to divorce you if that is what you are afraid of. I just thought about how much I have to work'

She stared at the ground. 'I don't want to think about that now'

'I can cancel it if you want to'

She stared at me. 'Are you out of your mind? You already had the first shooting days and you really wanted this role. I'm not going to take that away from you'

'You are the best wife in the world, Jen'

She wrapped her arms around my neck. 'I know' she said, laughing as she leaned in to kiss me.

'Hm. Shall we go to our hotel?' she asked, her tongue sliding over her lips. This woman always seduced me with everything she did.

Without saying anything I grabbed her hand and pulled her into a taxi. I gave the driver the address of the hotel on a note.

'Why are you acting like this?'

I smiled. 'Do you trust me?'

She nodded. 'Of course I trust you'

I took a blindfold out of my pocket 'Let me surprise you then'

'I don't like this' she protested

I put on the blindfold. After a half hour drive, we arrived at the hotel. I carefully guided her inside

'If I fall, I'll kill you' she said annoyed

'Whatever you want, darling' I said sarcastically

I checked in and guided her to the elevator. She stood with her face to the mirror. I wrapped my arms around her from behind and looked at her. It brought back beautiful memories.

A ping sounded as the doors of the elevator opened. I guided her out of the elevator and put the card in the door to open it.

'Don't leave me here!' she said still annoyed

'I'm still here, love'

I grabbed her hand and pulled her towards me. We carefully entered the room together.

'You can take it off now'

She took off the blindfold. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped slightly.

'You didn't....'


	4. Nothing To Complain

**Jen's pov**

I took off the blindfold. My eyes widened and my jaw dropped slightly.

'You didn't....'

I turned around and looked at him in amazement. 'How did you arrange this? How... You...' I stammered

He smiled and wrapped his arms around me. 'I asked the hotel if they could make an exception and make the honeymoon suite available to us for a night'

'Our honeymoon suite... Colin, this is amazing!'

I pulled him in a hug and pressed kisses all over his face. I curled my fingers through his hair, while my gaze caught his. Sometimes I forgot how much in love I was with him. Often the infatuation goes away and changes in loving someone, but I was still head over heels. My heart skipped a beat when I saw him and I still drowned in his deep blue eyes. I sighed with happiness as I rested my forehead against his.

He drew circles over my arms with his fingers. His touch still caused goose bumps all over my body. We stood in the hotel room for a while, both too afraid to break the silence. He woke me from my thoughts by putting his hand on my stomach. He did it every single day and it gave me a nice, familiar feeling in my whole body. I couldn't wish for a better father for my children.

'You will be there, right?'

He took my hand and squeezed it gently. He looked at me intently. 'Why do you ask that? I'm always there for you'

I lowered my eyes and stared at the ground. 'I'm sorry...'

He grabbed my face between his hands. 'Come on, Jen. I would never let you down'

'I know. I just want you to be there '

He rubbed my face with his thumbs. 'I'll be there. I promise'

I grinned. 'Your hand is the best one to squeeze'

He raised his eyebrow with a smirk. 'They are still numb from last time'

'So you can't feel this?' I said as I put his hand on my breast. He squeezed it gently. 'Actually, I think I do feel something'

He slid his other hand under my shirt and carefully massaged my breasts. Normally I loved his rough side, but because of the pregnancy my breasts were too sensitive right now and he knew.

I pressed my lips to his and opened my mouth slightly. My tongue slipped into his mouth to search his while I pulled the hem of his shirt. He knew exactly what I wanted and pulled his shirt over his head. My hands slid over his muscled arms. I never could get enough of him.

He unbuttoned my pants and let it slide down while I quickly took off my shirt. I grabbed his belt to pull him closer to me. The feeling of my body against his naked chest caused even more goosebumps and heat over my body. I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his chest. He put his hand on my head in a protective manner.

'Are you okay?' After all these years he still asked.

I nodded. 'More than okay. I just want to enjoy this moment, you, us... just everything'

Despite the warmth of his body, I shivered from the cold in the room. He wrapped both arms around me to pull me closer to him. I pressed kisses on his chest and curled my fingers through his chest hair.

He carefully walked me backward until I felt the bed in the back of my knees. I sat down and unbuckled his belt and quickly pulled off his jeans. I already saw his hardness in his boxer. I stroked softly over the thin fabric which made him rock hard.

I leaned forward to press kisses over the fabric. 'You're so mean' he groaned.

Laughing, I pulled down his boxer and repeated it. 'Better?'

He nodded as he bent over me. I was lying on my back with my husband on top of me. His weight pushed me further into the mattress. I put my hand on his cheek and curled the other through his hair as I stared into his eyes.

'I love you so much' I whispered

He smiled. 'I love you too. Never forget that'

He leaned forward to kiss me, but my pregnant belly made it difficult to reach me. We almost entered the third trimester and the pregnancy became more and more visible.

His smile turned into a hard laugh which shocked me. 'What?'

'He is always there when we have sex. Actually very, very weird, isn't it?'

I sighed. 'Thank you for ruining my lust. I believe we should wait until he is born'

He pouted his lip. 'I don't wanna wait'

'Why are you so irresistible?' I complained as I pushed him on his back. He pulled me on top of him and placed his tip in front of my entrance. I kissed him passionately as he gently pushed himself inside.

'Oh god, Colin... you're so impatient' I moaned as he began to thrust inside me.

'I never heard you complain about it'

I drowned in his blue eyes. 'I have nothing to complain about'

He lifted his body and gently bit my ear. 'I can do so much more with you' he whispered in my ear

'Hm, and what is that?' I groaned with pleasure as I closed my eyes

'You couldn't handle it' he said cheekily

I pushed him back in the mattress and stared at him. 'We both know that you are the one who can't handle it'

A groan escaped my mouth as he pushed himself deeper inside me. 'You were saying, Mrs. O'Donoghue?'

I tapped him on his chest. 'You're just mean. My whole body is sensitive and you take advantage of it'

He stopped moving and grabbed my face between his hands. 'I never take advantage of you'

I smiled as I put my hands on his. 'I know, sweetheart'

'But I do like to tease you' he added with a smirk as he picked up the rhythm again. We both quickly reached our peak. I rolled off and rested my head on his chest.

'See, I have nothing to complain about'


	5. Our First Goodbye

**Jen's pov**

'Do you have everything you need?'

He nodded as he put the last stuff into his suitcase. I smiled, but I had to try hard not to burst into tears. He zipped his suitcase and turned to me.

'Oh Jen, it's only for two weeks'

And I failed. The tears rolled down my cheeks. 'I know, but since we've been together I've never been without you for so long' I tried to swallow the lump in my throat.

He pulled me against him. I sniffed his familiar scent while my tears stained on his shirt. 'I'm going to miss you too' he whispered as he rubbed the back of my head.

'I don't want to miss you...' I sobbed. I felt like a child whose lollipop had just been taken away. A combination of hormones and the fact that I couldn't see my husband for two long weeks was killing me.

He grabbed my face between his hands and kissed me passionately. I felt my knees become weak and we seemed like the only persons in the world at that moment. He separated his lips from mine. 'I'm back before you know it, love'

And I knew that was a lie. For years we were inseparable. Even before we got a relationship we saw each other daily, except in the short holidays we had.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and noticed that he also had a hard time. 'Will you still have breakfast with us?'

'Of course!'

He carried his suitcase downstairs while I went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Ivy rushed into the kitchen. 'Is daddy going away?' she asked.

We had been trying to explain it to her for days, but she didn't understand why he had to leave. I lifted her up and she embraced me with her little arms and a tearful face. 'Is daddy going?' she sobbed again.

I nodded. 'Daddy has to go for a few weeks, but he'll be back very soon!' I tried to comfort her.

Colin walked into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around the two of us. 'Where are you going?' she sobbed

'I have to work in Italy'

'What is that?'

Colin grinned. 'Another country'

Ivy wrapped her arms around his neck as he carefully took her from me. 'Can you bring me some presents?'

'Ivy, you know you don't get anything when you ask for it' I tried, but I knew that Colin had already fallen for her charms.

'Of course, little one.'

We enjoyed breakfast with the three of us. Time went way too fast and I wasn't looking forward to the moment when we had to say goodbye.

'Are you taking care of your mom?' he asked Ivy as he knelt down in front of her and spread his arms.

Ivy nodded as she wrapped her little arms around Colin. 'And for my little brother!' she added. He pressed a kiss on her forehead and stood up.

I smiled faintly as I wrapped my arms around his waist. 'Are you taking care of yourself?' he whispered.

'If you take care of yourself too. Please send me a message when you have arrived in Italy'

'Of course, Jen. The time difference is annoying, but we'll survive those weeks. I'll send you a message every day '

I smiled as I slid my hand over his face. 'Good. Enjoy your trip, honey '

He pulled me tightly against him and pressed a kiss on my hair. 'Be nice to your mom' he told Ivy before he gave me one last kiss. He grabbed his suitcase and walked to the taxi that was waiting for him.

'Bye daddy!' Ivy screamed. We waved until he was out of sight.

The day went by slower than ever. I played with Ivy and in the evening we went to McDonalds to cheer her up. When we were back home we watched a movie, but she fell asleep after 15 minutes. At that moment I realized how quiet our house was without him.

_'I just arrived in Italy. How are you? x Colin'_

A smile appeared on my face as I pressed the reply button.

_'Ivy had a great time today and I miss you. How are you? Kiss'_

Less than a minute later my phone vibrated again.

_'It's a very nice place, but I would rather have been here with you. It's early in the morning now and we are going to do the first scenes within a few minutes. X'_

It's just 14 days... I repeated to myself

_'Have fun today. I'm going to take a shower and then I go to sleep'_

I went to the bathroom to undress when my phone vibrated.

' _Hm, I wish I could join you'_

I grinned and took a picture of myself only wearing my panties and bra and sent it to him.

_'You are stunning, Jen. X'_

Even without his presence, he managed to make me blush. Not much later I got a selfie from a bored looking Colin.

I sent another photo, but this time without my bra. I covered my breasts with my arm.

_'God, Jen... You're making me rock hard'_

_'Picture or it didn't happen ;)'_

Less than a minute later I received a picture of his unzipped jeans and I could say: he was indeed rock hard. I laughed at his incredibly awful photography talent.

_'Beautiful shot, Col'_

_'I know ;) I have to work, love. I can't wait to see you again. Good night xx'_

I locked my phone and pulled off my panties. I opened the tap of the shower and stepped under the hot water. A sigh escaped my mouth as my hands slid over my belly. I felt soft little kicks against my hands and realized how much I wanted to share this with him. You know someone is very special to you when days just don't seem right without them.


	6. Wrong Tension

**Colin's pov**

I walked a little nervous around the set. After the role of Hook, this was my first major role in a new show. I had been looking forward to it for months, but now that the time was right I had a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach, which I shed on homesickness. I missed my wife and daughter, my home.

I smiled at a photo of them which Jennifer had just sent to me. 'You have a nice girl' said Jack, a 28 years old co-worker, while patting me on the back. He grabbed my phone from my hands. 'Isn't that Jennifer Morrison?' he asked in amazement

I nodded proudly. 'Yes, that's her'

A grin appeared on his face as he scrolled through the rest of the photos. He stopped at the bathroom photos that she sent last night.

'Mate...' I started

He pushed my phone back into my hands with a smile. 'You don't have to be ashamed of such a beautiful woman. Many men want to be in your place. I am one of them, by the way.'

'Then I have to disappoint you' I said laughing as I showed my wedding ring and Ivy's picture.

He winked. 'Everything can be broken.' I felt my stomach twisting. I couldn't tell if he was serious, but it didn't feel right. On each new set where I came, I compared the cast with my time at Once Upon a Time. We were so close that I was sure I would never find such nice co-workers again.

I walked to Lauren, the actress who played my beloved in the series. She put an arm around me. 'Are you enjoying it?'

I nodded

'You don't seem really enthusiastic'

I smiled. 'The last love scene I played in front of the camera was with my own wife, so I have to get used to it again'

She grinned. 'Do you mean Once or did you do other dirty camera things with her?'

I laughed as I pushed her towards our positions. 'I meant Once!'

She squeezed my arm in an encouraging way. 'You are a great actor. They hired you without doing an audition. It'll be fine'

'Thanks Laur'

'Although you have set the bar very high for me.'

I raised my eyebrow. 'Why?'

'I can never match the chemistry you have with Jennifer'

'Everyone ready? Action!' the director shouted.

I ran towards Lauren and grabbed her arm. 'Jess, don't do it'

She looked annoyed at me. 'Do not do what, Thomas? Why do you even care?'

I caressed her face with my hand. 'I care about you'

'Then show it!' she screamed

I stared at her for a few seconds and pulled her closer to me. My lips touched hers and we got entwined in a passionate kiss. I felt her tongue slid over my lips before she broke the kiss.

'Thomas, I...'

'Come with me' I whispered, my forehead resting against hers

'Cut! Excellent!'

The director walked in our direction. 'I'll shoot a scene with Jack and then we'll move on to the bed scene. Take your time to prepare yourself'

I nodded and walked with mixed feelings towards the lunch room. Even though it was not real, it felt wrong to kiss another woman.

'Colin!' I turned around and saw Lauren coming closer. She reached me out of breath. 'Shall we have lunch together and discuss the scene?'

'Sounds like a plan' I replied, keeping the door open for her.

We took our lunch and I decided to send Jennifer a message. I stared at my screen but didn't know what to say. Lauren grabbed it from me.

'You're only making it more difficult for yourself. I bet she's alright'

We ate our lunch and discussed the bed scene. Something that I was always quite tensed for. In this case even more, because I had to undress her. An hour later everyone was ready on the set.

'Action!'

She crushed her lips on mine while her hands slipped under my shirt. A cold shiver went through my body. I missed Jennifer's soft hands and tried to focus on something else.

'So that's why I had to come with you?' she grinned.

I nodded as I pulled her jacket over her shoulders. My hands slipped under her shirt, our lips fighting each other. I pressed her slender body closer to me. She pushed me gently on the bed and seductively pulled off her shirt.

'What are you doing with me, Jess?'

She growled as she sat on my lap. She entwined her fingers through the hairs in my neck. 'Very bad things, sir'

She pulled my shirt over my head and unbuckled my belt. She got up and made some space to take off my pants. She stripped herself of her skirt. She was in front of me, only wearing her bra and panties. It was a beautiful woman and I felt myself becoming hard. Despite the fact that it was work, a huge sense of guilt crept over me. She pushed me back on the bed and took a seat on top of me. I felt her curves through our underwear on my rock hard member, as she pressed her weight on me and her lips found mine again.

'Take me' she begged as she moved gently back and forth. I groaned and doubted myself whether it was an acted groan.

'Cut! Take some time to cool down' the director joked as he walked away

Lauren was still lying on me and staring at me. 'That was... intense' she said laughing

I smiled uncomfortably. 'You can say so'

She winked. 'I felt it'

My cheeks got even redder than they already were. 'Sorry. It wasn't really professional '

She pushed herself up. 'You are and will always be a man, I can confirm it' she laughed. She sat on my lower body and stared at me intensely. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat.

'I eh... I just have to freshen up' I said, subtly pulling her away from me.

I pulled on the bathrobe and hurried to my trailer, where I immediately grabbed my phone.

_'I need you. X'_

And damn, I needed her. I didn't feel tempted to have sex with Lauren, but the fact that I was rockhard created an immense sense of guilt.

_'Why do you need me, honey?'_

I unbuttoned my bathrobe and made an unabashed selfie. _'To get rid of this'_

_'You need a ride? ;)'_

I smiled. Jennifer always knew what I needed.


	7. Family First

**Jen's pov**

Colin and I barely spoke or messaged each other the following days. He had told me about the sex scene he had with Lauren and what happened to him. I had been angry. Way too angry. I knew, I just knew that he would never cheat on me, but the fact that an actress he hardly knows is more intimate with my husband than myself had made me furious. I felt guilty about my exaggerated reaction. Of course, it is everything but fun to hear that your husband became hard by another woman, but he is a man and most important of all, he is human. A human with feelings which he can't turn off.

He didn't send me as much message as he used to, but just once a day when I was lucky. I was playing with my phone while I was overthinking. I wanted to call him so badly, just to hear his voice and tell him that I'm sorry. I missed him more than ever.

My fingers slid over the numbers on the screen and I pressed the call button. The phone rang a few times before I heard a voice.

'Hey, this is Lauren!'

My breath stopped in my throat. What was Lauren supposed to do with his phone?

'Hey, you speak with Jennifer! Can I speak to Colin?'

It remained silent for a moment. I heard his voice in the background, then a lot of rumbling and finally the voice I wanted to hear. 'Jen, did something happen?' he sounded worried. I forgot that we would only call in case of emergency.

'No, no... I just wanted to hear your voice'

He sighed with relief. 'You scared me'

'And I wanted to say that I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like this and I was just...' I paused

'Jealous?' he added

'Yes'

'You don't have to be jealous, Jen. A few more days and then I'll show you all the corners of the bedroom'

I laughed. 'I think you forget that I'm carrying a baby and that I have to take it easy'

'You know I can do both'  he said defiantly. And damn, I did know that. He was the best lover, both his rough and loving side, and I could never decide which one I preferred. The sex with Colin was always perfect.

'Jen? Are you still there?'

I was lost in my thoughts once again. 'Yes, I'm sorry'

'Love, I have to go. Duty calls.

I swallowed. 'With Lauren?'

'Jen, come on...'

'Colin, hurry up!' I heard in the background.

He sighed. 'Bye Jen'

Irritated, I threw my phone on the table. 'Are you mad, Mommy?' Ivy asked sadly.

I wrapped my arms around her and lifted her on my lap. 'I'm not mad at you, honey'

'And Daddy?'

I rubbed some hairs from her face and pressed a kiss on her head. 'I'm not angry with Dad either, I just miss him a lot'

She stroked my face with her small hands. 'Don't be sad, Mummy' she said as she rested her head on my shoulder. I caressed her head softly. Normally she was always busy with Colin and she did everything with him, but since he left she seemed to be attracted to me more and more.

'Are we going to grandma today?' she begged

I laughed as I put her back on the floor. 'Go and pack your things, then we'll go!'. She quickly ran out of the living room to get her things. Ivy was a very easy and happy child and loved to go to my parents. Unfortunately, she only saw the parents of Colin a few times a year and she sometimes didn't understand that.

We got in the car and drove to my parents' house. Ivy had packed way too many toys. Many children would be jealous of the number of toys that she had. Colin spoiled her too much with new stuff and my parents also liked to participate. However, she never behaved like a spoiled child.

'Grandma!' she screamed when she saw my mother standing by the front door. She ran towards her but stumbled over her bag and fell hard on the floor.

'Ivy!' I exclaimed worried as I quickly ran to her.

She sat on her bottom and laughed hard. 'Oops!'

I sighed with relief and smiled at the amount of joy in such a little girl. She looked so much like Colin in many ways.

Ivy quickly ran in, while my mother embraced me. 'Isn't it all too much for you on your own, honey?'

I shrugged my shoulders. 'He'll be back next week. I'll survive'

'He should never have left you' she said almost inaudibly.

'Mom! You know how difficult it was for him to leave in this period.'

'Family always comes first, Jennifer'

I rolled my eyes. My mother was a very sweet woman, but she was sometimes too concerned when it came to me and Ivy. Colin tried to work hard for his family, but my mother often had her own opinion about it. She always said that he should be there for us more often.

'What does Ivy think of all this?'

Ivy had already put out her toys through the whole living room. I looked at my little girl with a smile. 'She misses him very much. We both do.'

'You can spend a bit more time together now'

'Mom! I love him and he is her father'

'I know, darling'

'He works hard so that I can take it easy and take care of the children. He is the sweetest man I know'

'Mommy, are you coming to play with me?' Ivy interrupted our conversation. I walked over to her and sat down next to her without looking at my mother.

The rest of the evening there was an awkward silence between us. During dinner, Ivy was the only one who was chatting enthusiastically and when she went to bed it remained uncomfortably quiet. Once in bed, I scrolled through my phone. I had sent Colin a message when we arrived at my parents' house, but he still had not responded. A terrible feeling overwhelmed me. No matter how angry Colin was, he would never ignore me.


	8. The Unexpected

**Jen's pov**

'Mommy, Mommy!' I woke up by Ivy's screams as she jumped on top of me. 'Mommy! Wake up!'

I groaned with fatigue. I had hardly slept the last couple of nights. Slowly I opened my eyes. 'What's wrong Ivy?'

'Is Daddy coming home today?' she asked hopefully

I shook my head. 'Tomorrow, darling'

She sat down on bed insulted and crossed her arms over her chest. 'I want him to come back now' I saw the tears in her eyes.

'We can call Dad today if you want to? I wanted to reassure her, but also myself. I had not heard from him the past few days. Before leaving he had indicated that he would film in unusual locations and that it could occur that he had no service on his phone, but I felt bad about it. Something was not right.

'Yes! Yes!' she exclaimed enthusiastically

I dialed his number and put the phone on the speaker. After a few times, his Irish accent sounded. 'Hi, I don't have time to pick up my phone right now. Speak your message after the tone, then I'll call you back!'

'Hi Daddy!' shouted Ivy. It remained silent for a few seconds. 'Why doesn't he say anything?' she asked sadly

'It's his voicemail, that's not daddy himself'

That day we tried to call him twice more, but both times we got the voicemail again. Ivy was inconsolable and sad throughout the day. She even refused to eat. Finally, she fell asleep, much too late and exhausted because she had not taken her nap.

I tried to reach him again in the evening. This time the phone was recorded but there was a lot of rumbling on the other side.

'Colin?'

There was a loud gasp. I quickly broke the connection and felt the tears rolling down my cheeks. His phone was stolen, or something was really wrong...

I woke up way too early the next morning. Ivy had come to sleep next to me at night and her company eventually made me fall asleep too. I woke her up quietly. 'Dad is coming home soon, darling'

Her eyes immediately opened. 'Daddy!?' she said hopefully as she crawled out of bed and began to bounce around the room.

'Mommy, we have to make dinner. Dad must be hungry when he is back!' I nodded, laughing. 'I think he will be very hungry!'

I walked downstairs with her, where she opened all the cupboards to search for food for him. It was endearing to see how much she looked forward to seeing him again. She was always a daddy's girl and I knew exactly why. It was so hard not to love him.

She stepped on her stool and opened the cutlery tray where she grabbed a knife. 'Ivy, what did we say about using a knife?'

She was startled as she looked at the knife in her hands. 'This one is only for big people like you and daddy'

I took it from her. 'Are you going to look for food daddy likes? Then I'm going to cut this for you. Deal?'

She nodded, grabbed the pancake mix and pointed to the strawberries. 'Daddy loves pancakes with strawberries!'

I nodded as I tried to hold back my smile. I knew all too well that he loved pancakes.

After preparing the food, Ivy sat impatiently in front of the window, waiting for any sign of him. 'When will he come back?' she complained. I looked worried at my watch. 'He's coming soon, honey. Just be a little patient'. But what I was so afraid of happened. Colin did not show up.

I searched through my phone for the number of the director he had given me in case there was an emergency. I dialed the number and an enthusiastic man answered.

'Hi Chris, this is Jennifer!'

'Hey Jen! How are you?'

I knew Chris from my period at House, so it was nice to hear his voice again. 'I'm fine. How are you?'

'We are finally back and we had a great time. How is Colin doing?'

My heart sank in my chest. 'I just wanted to ask you the same thing...'

There was an uncomfortable silence. 'You mean Colin is not at home?'

'No...' I fought my tears.

Chris sighed. 'Colin left earlier. He should be home four days ago.'

'That is not possible...'

'It's the truth Jennifer. We have arranged his ticket home right after his last scene here. He no longer wanted you to be alone'

A tear rolled down my cheek. 'Where is he now?'

'I don't like to say it, but it looks like he has left you'

My world collapsed. 'He would never do that...'

'Jennifer, a man can do weird things. Try calling someone who can be with you. It will be fine' and with these words, he broke the connection.


	9. A Tearful Reunion

**Jen's pov**

The following days passed slowly and Colin still hadn't shown up. I was in the car with my mother on my way home. We had been to the airport to check if his car was still there, but there was nothing to be found there either.

'It's an asshole'

I looked up, a bit confused and interrupted from my thoughts. 'What did you say?'

'Colin is an asshole.'

I rolled my eyes. 'He would never do this, Mom. There must be a reason for all this'

She stared at Ivy via her rear-view mirror. She had fallen asleep.

'Listen Jen, he probably took off with a younger one. You are beautiful, but you know how men are when they can get a young girl'

I decided to stop responding to her. No matter what I did or said, my mother did not think Colin was good enough for me. We drove up the driveway of my parental home. I softly shook Ivy's leg. 'Iv, we are here. Wake up sweetheart'

She babbled unsatisfied, but her eyes remained closed. 'Ivy, little girl, wake up'

She slowly opened her eyes. 'Is Daddy already here?'

It broke my heart to see how much she missed him. I shook my head as the tears rolled down her cheeks. 'Where is Daddy? Does he no longer love us?'

My mother looked at me intently. 'He can not do this to his child' she whispered

I focused on Ivy again. 'Dad has to stay a bit longer, but I'm sure he loves you very much'

It felt bad to lie to her, but it was what's best for her.

'Even longer?' she complained

I nodded, while I lifted her from her car seat. She put her arms around me and buried her face in my neck as I brought her inside.

That evening I had a reunion with the cast of Once Upon a Time. Because of all the busy schedules, we had planned this a year ago and Colin and I were looking forward to it for months.

With a little bit of reluctance, I knocked on the door. An enthusiastic Josh opened the door. 'JMO !!!!' he shouted as he wrapped his arms around me. I saw Ginny rushing towards us in the distance. 'I'm so happy to see you again!' we said in unison as we fell into each other's arms.

She rubbed my pregnant belly. 'I'm so happy for you, Jen!' She looked around and was confused for a moment. 'Where is Colin?'

I swallowed the lump in my throat and fought against my tears. 'Yes, where is my dirty little pirate?' Josh added, and I could no longer restrain my tears. They rolled down my cheeks.

'I don't know where he is' I sobbed

Ginny immediately took me back in her arms. 'What do you mean?'

'He would come back from Italy last week, but he is nowhere to be seen' I stammered

'Do you think he...' she did not dare to finish her sentence

'Left me?' I added for her. She nodded in agreement. 'He would never do that'

Josh put his hand on my shoulder. 'Have you already called his parents?'

_-Two weeks earlier-_

**Colin's pov**  
Today I had my last scene in Italy before I could finally go back home. Our director arranged that I could leave the set early so that I could be with my family and my pregnant wife. In this scene, Thomas and Jess planned a kidnapping, but Thomas was the one who ended up being kidnapped.

'Action!' Chris shouted

'Jess, are you sure this is a good plan?'

Lauren nodded. 'Do not nag, you wanted your money, right?' she sneered

'Yes but...'

'No, buts! We've come this far, Thomas. There is no way back now'

I walked close behind Lauren when she turned around. 'You trust me too much, Thomas'

I raised my eyebrow. 'What do you mean?'

She grinned. 'It was all about you. Don't you see that?'

'Jess... what's going on?'

She gestured with her hands, after which I was pulled into a van by two masked men, much harder than during rehearsals. They pushed me towards the bottom of the van, but during my fall I hit my head hard against something. The last thing I saw was the camera and the doors that were slammed. Before I became unconscious, I heard the director end the scene.

_-Present day-_

**Jen's pov**  
I shook my head. 'No, I didn't want to worry them'

He grabbed my shoulders. 'Jen, it's your husband and their son. Maybe they know something more'

I stared at the phone in my hand and then looked at Josh and Ginny. 'Do you think he would leave me? Would he really be a different man than I have known for years?'

Josh pulled me to him in a hug. 'Colin is a good man, Jen. We all know how important family is to him. If he left you, he would at least have the guts to tell you'

I sighed. I didn't know whether I should be relieved or even more worried. If he had not left me then there would have to be more...


	10. Until We Meet Again

**Jen's pov**

Sometimes I just wish you were here so I could tell you how much I need you and how hard every day has been without you. Each night I put my pillow on my head. I try to tell myself that I'm strong because I have gone through one more day without you.

I feel my heart breaking more and more every morning I wake up without you. I can't live without you. I don't want to live without you. Then it slowly crept into me that it won't matter how bad I wanted or needed you. The world moves on. With or without you, but I can't. I can't bear the fact that I might lose you or have already lost you. Because if I ever did, I'd have lost my friend, my soul mate, my smile, my laugh, my everything.

I stared at the picture of the three of us next to our bed. Tears were welling up in my eyes. 'Where are you?' I whispered to Colin in the picture as I slid my finger over his face.

I pressed the photo frame against my chest as I dropped myself back on the bed. Tears rolled down my cheeks.

I felt Ivy's soft hands caressing my face. 'Don't cry Mommy' she said as she laid down beside me. I wiped the tears from my cheeks and took her in my arms.

The past few days had been the most terrible. I had contacted his parents as Josh had said, but he was not there. His mother had not heard from him for weeks either, while they normally have contact on regular basis. She, too, did not believe that he would abandon me. They have informed the government in Italy and in the meanwhile, they are looking for him there. We have not heard anything yet and with every day that went by, a piece of hope was dying.

His parents would fly to Italy today and I would go there too. They had strongly advised me not to go because of the pregnancy, but I insisted. After all, he is my husband, and although we were not able to do much more in Italy, it felt better than just waiting. Unfortunately, I could not take Ivy with me and that broke my heart. I thought it was bad enough that she had to miss Colin for so long, but I had to go. Luckily my mother liked to take care of her, although she obviously had something to complain about him.

_-13 days earlier-_

**Colin's pov**

I woke up in a pitch-black room. I tried to find out where I was, but when I tried to get up, I felt the pain in my head. My hand slid carefully through my hair and I felt a huge bump coming up at the back of my head. I tried to remember what happened, but the last thing I remembered was Lauren and the two masked men.

My hand slid across the floor and the wall next to me. I noticed that I was still in the van. Why did not anyone take me out? I sat up and leaned my back against the side of the van. We were driving and I had no idea where we were going and why.

After a few minutes, the van stopped. I waited impatiently for the moment when the doors would fly open and I would have some fresh air again, but the doors stayed closed. For a moment I thought they had forgotten me or that they had driven me to the hospital in the van, but when it took longer and longer, I felt confused. Where did I end up? And perhaps more importantly, with whom?

I crawled with all the strength I had left in me towards the doors of the van. I pressed my ear against the door and hoped to hear something, so I might find out where I had ended up. My head hurt too much to focus on sounds, but what I could figure out was that the van was outside and not in some shed.

I lowered myself to the ground and sighed deeply. I closed my eyes and soon dozed off in a restless sleep.

_-Present day-_

**Jen's pov**

I stared out of the small airplane window at the clouds and the small landscape below us. My thoughts wandered off to you again. If I knew... If I just knew that it perhaps would be the last time I would see you, I would hug you a little tighter, kiss you a little longer and tell you that I love you one more time.

I felt a tear roll down my cheeks. I quickly wiped it away and grabbed a pen and notebook from my bag. My mother-in-law had advised me to write everything that bothered me, everything I felt and everything I didn't. My pen slid over the paper and I wrote everything off that had bothered me the past few days.

_'Dear best friend, soulmate, husband,_

_I haven't seen you in a while. I haven't got to see your smile for a long time. Lately, everything had been looking hazey. I don't know if I'm mad or just in pain. I can do everything with you in my life, but without you... I'm lost._

_Since you've been gone it has not been easy. I really hope that you're good. It broke me into a million pieces when you didn't come back to me, to us. I miss you every day and I want to thank you. Thank you for always being there for me, thank you for inspiring me, thank you for being a great husband and father. You made me a better person, you made me a mother._

_It's so hard to do all this without you by my side. It's the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I'm doing it. I'm doing it for you and I wish you were here. But you're not... I just hope that you're proud of me. All I have right now is only the thought of you. I'm trying to stand tall, for you and for our little girl._

_No matter what you do or where you are. I will always, always love you and nothing can change that. Wherever you are, take care of yourself, be strong and come back..._

_I hope you will read this one day because that means you're still out there somewhere._

_Until we meet again.'_


	11. Emptiness

**Colin's pov**

When I woke up slowly, it felt like I had slept for an eternity. In fact, I could not know exactly how long, because I was still in the dark van. I tried to move my arms, but I felt cold metal clamped around my wrists. Someone had been with me and I had not even woken up when they chained me up. I tried to move but noticed that my feet were chained too.

I tried to think about what was happening and the last thing I could remember was just playing over and over in my head. The last thing I could remember was on the set, so that meant a co-worker had something to do with all this.

It felt like hours passed by while I was still chained in the van when the doors were suddenly opened. I was blinded by the bright light that shone inside, but I clearly saw a silhouette coming up before the doors closed again.

The silhouette sat next to me and stroked my face. 'I've been waiting for this for so long'

My jaw dropped and my eyes widened when I recognized the voice.

**Jen's pov**

I stared out of the taxi as the Italian landscape passed me by. It was a beautiful view, but I felt empty. Empty as I have felt for days. I miss him. Not in some cheesy, let's hold hands and be together forever kind of way. I just miss him. I want to hold his hand, hold him close, hug him tightly, kiss him softly and rest my head on his chest to hear his heartbeat. I miss his presence in my life. I miss him always being there for me. I miss my best friend.

After an hour of driving, I arrived at the hotel where his parents also stayed. I had seen them many times, but this time I was nervous. The past few days I had remained as cheerful as possible for Ivy, but it felt like I could break at any moment.

'Jen! How nice to see you!' his mother said as I stepped out of the car.

I hugged her tightly. 'It's so nice to see you too! How are you?'

She slowly let go of me and stared sadly at the ground. 'I'm so worried. It's nothing like him to not respond to anything'

I nodded. Colin could be very much on his own, but this was indeed not like him. I spent the rest of the day with his parents and felt surprisingly at ease with their presence. We made a plan for the following days and for a moment I forgot all the concerns I had. The idea was to go to the locations where they had shot scenes. Tomorrow we would go to the first locations near the hotel and for the rest of the week the other locations would follow. We did not know exactly where to look, but everything felt better than doing nothing and just waiting for him to come back.

After a long day, I went back to my hotel room but just as I entered my room my phone vibrated. Every time that happened, my heart made a small leap in the hope that it was him, but every time the disappointment came even harder when I saw that it was someone else.

_'Jennifer, I heard what's going on with Colin. I'm sorry for you and even though you don't know me at all, I want you to know that I'm there for you. Jack'_

I raised my eyebrow when I saw his name.  _'How did you get my number?'_

_'Chris gave it to me. Colin was my co-actor and everyone was very fond of him. I wanted to let you know that I'm there for you.'_

I did not know what made me angrier. The fact that he spoke about Colin in the past tense or that he tries to put me at ease.

_'Listen Jack, I appreciate your sympathy, but I like to focus on my family and finding Colin'_

_'I understand. Let me know if I can do something for you.'_

Just as I was about to put my phone away, I realized that he might be able to help us.

_'Can you still remember all the locations where you have worked with him?'_

_'Yes, I remember that. Why?'_

I smiled.  _'Tomorrow at 8.00 AM at Hotel Bellevue.'_

_'I assume that is not for a date? ;)'_

I rolled my eyes.  _'No, we're going to find my husband'_

I sighed as I dropped myself on the bed and scrolled through pictures of Colin on my phone. With a smile on my face I tapped a picture of him and Ivy. The bond between the two was indescribable and made me realize even more how happy he made me. I closed my eyes and pressed my phone against my chest as a tear ran down my cheeks. I tell him goodnight with tears in my eyes. I wish I was curled up by his side. Time passes, but not fast enough. I try to be strong, but I am not that tough. His embrace, his kisses, and touch ease all the pain on this lonely night. I miss you, my love.


	12. From Bad To Worse

**Colin's pov**

'You? What do you want from me?' I asked still surprised.

'I want to finish what we once started'

I tried to remember what the kidnapper was referring to but I could not remember anything. 'What do you mean?'

A chuckle escaped the person's mouth. 'You're even more stupid than you seem, mister O'Donoghue'

'Tell me!' I tried to shout but my throat was to dry to produce such a sound.

The person's face was right next to mine now while a hand slid over my body. 'You know what I mean' the person whispered as I felt the hand grabbing my manhood through my jeans.

'Please, don't do that' I groaned

I heard a giggle in my ear. 'But I know you like it this way'

'With my wife' I said harshly

'Ah, your wife. She just arrived in Italy'

My eyes widened. 'What did you say?'

'She arrived in Italy yesterday, desperately looking for you'

My heart sank in my chest. 'Don't you dare to touch her'

Soft lips touched my cheek. 'Don't worry. I'm only interested in you. Someone else is taking care of her'

**Jen's pov**

When I went down to the lobby of the hotel a brown-haired man with blue eyes walked towards me. 'You must be Jennifer'

I reached my hand to shake his. 'You must be Jack'

He nodded with a laugh. In a weird way he reminded me of Colin. 'Yeah, the one and only.'

His eye fell on my pregnant belly. 'I see Colin did a good job before he went to Italy'

I blushed as I rested my hands on it. 'That he did.'

'Why did he leave you, his pregnant wife, in the first place? Are you sure he didn't abandon you?'

I rolled my eyes. 'He would never do that'

'Maybe you don't know him that well'

'Don't piss a pregnant woman off! I know him. He would never do that to me'

He smiled as he grabbed my hand to guide me outside. 'Whatever you want to believe, love'

I pulled my hand out of his. 'I'm not your love. Let's go, okay?'

We walked for a couple of minutes. 'Where are we going?'

Jack sighed as he faced me. 'Well, you asked me to take you to all the locations he has been, but I thought it might be more useful to take you to the location he was last seen'

My eyes widened. 'You were there?'

He nodded.

'Please, tell me more. I want to know everything'

He guided me to a little bench. 'We were shooting for a new show. The show is about a private club in a school which consists of honor students, seniors, misfits and whoever else. All of them are fascinated with true crime stories but are not brave or dumb enough to commit a crime. They meet together once in a while to talk about kidnap plans. Murder is too easy for them, but kidnapping involves a lot more like dealing with a husband or wife, family, cops. It's way more challenging for them'

He paused for a while as he tried to catch my gaze. Colin told me something about the show but not this kind of details. 'Tell me more'

'The group picks their targets, follows them, figure out how much they could get, where they would hold them and how they would do the actual kidnapping by using the information they gathered. After a few weeks they meet again to finalize their plans. After finalizing they call it a night and go back home. They never planned on actually doing it, but they just see it as a funny way to get the kick of committing a crime without really doing it.'

'But they did?' I cut him off.

He nodded. 'But there is more. Morning comes and someone is reported missing. As the crime fans they are they want to know everything but they discover it is the person they had picked to kidnap. Everything is happening exactly as they planned. When you put it all together you can tell that they know where the person must be held.'

My jaw dropped. 'Let me guess...'

He nodded. 'Colin played that person'

I shook my head. 'This is confusing... so you know where he might be?'

Jack grabbed my hand. 'I know what you are thinking, but trust me... I checked the location. He wasn't there. You can easily guess that one of the club members in the show got bored by just playing and wanted to make it more real. Other persons got kidnapped and the kidnapper is starting to deviate from their plan'

'But in real life only Colin got kidnapped?'

He nodded in agreement. 'After the kidnap scene no one has seen him again'

'How does it end?'

He shook his head. 'I can't tell you that'

I grabbed the lapels of his coat. 'Jack! I need to know! You have to tell me how this story ends.'

'He ends up dead, Jennifer'


	13. Call Of The Void

**Colin's pov**

The last words were echoing through my head. 'Someone else is taking care of her...' I whispered out loud. I wish I knew what it meant.

After a few long hours of thinking, the kidnapper came back with water and food.

'So, now you care what happens to me?' I sneered

The kidnapper chuckled. 'I need you alive, so don't think I care' the person said while resting a gun to my head.

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat.

The kidnapper lowered the gun and unchained my right wrist. 'I think you can manage to drink and eat now'

I nodded as I reached for the food. I hadn't eaten something in days and until now I didn't realize how hungry I was.

Before I could take my first bite, a hand slid across my face. 'After you've finished, we're gonna have some fun' 

**Jen's pov**

'He ends up dead, Jennifer'

I shook my head. 'No... No... No... that can't be possible'

Jack grabbed my hand and caressed the top of it. 'I'm not saying that he is dead, but you have to keep in mind that it is a possibility'

I pulled my hand out of his and buried my face in my hands. 'It can't be possible. He can't leave me... us...' I sobbed.

Jack wrapped his arm around me. 'We have to keep looking. Maybe he is still out there'

I lifted my head and faced him. 'Not maybe. Colin is out there'

'Jen...' he started but I cut him off.

'No. I know he is alive. I can feel it'

He shrugged his shoulder as he stood up and reached his hand to me. 'Come on then. We have to go'

I ignored his hand and stood up too. We continued on our way to the last shoot location, or at least the last location where he has been seen. It was a quiet place in the forest, but not in the relaxing kind of way. It was terrifyingly quiet. The kind of silence where even breathing seems like a lot of noise.

I took in the environment as I looked around me. The place was beautiful and terrifying at the same time. I sighed as I tried to absorb everything. Sometimes it feels better not to talk. At all. About anything. About anyone. The silence did something to me. I could hear myself thinking clear. I could feel myself being more connected to Colin. He always told me that he might be a quiet person, but that his mind is screaming and that he is listening a lot. For the first time I knew what he meant and I felt sorry for him. I felt sorry for the fact that being a quiet person not always is the easiest option. It might be even harder for him sometimes.

Colin is the best man out there but he is an overthinker and it destroys him from the inside. It creates problems there never were or it makes the problems much worse than they actually were. I smiled at the thought of our endless conversations about him and overthinking situations. I always told him to stop thinking and just breathe and have faith. He responded with a laugh and said that it is not that easy. It was at worst during the nights, but I always cuddled him to relax. He told me that it made him fall asleep easier and to be honest, I loved to fall asleep in his arms.

During the last nights I was just like Colin. I was overthinking everything. Those minutes where I am alone, just me and my pillow. I think. I think a lot. I think about everything, anything. It varies from 'What did I do to deserve all this?' to 'Did I lock the door?'. The room is so silent and it drives me crazy. It drives me crazy because it makes me think about the things I don't want to think about. It makes me think about Colin and everything that could have happened to him.

I woke up from my thoughts by the loud crack of a branch. I looked around me but did not see anything. I did not see Jack either. I tried to take in the environment again until I suddenly came to an awful realization. I am in a terribly quiet forest with someone I don't even know...


	14. Our Stories

**Jen's pov**

'Good morning gorgeous' his Irish accent echoed in my ears.

I turned around to face him. 'Good morning handsome'

He smiled as he caressed my face. 'You look stunning'

I felt my cheeks flushing red. 'But I just woke up...'

He pressed his lips to mine. 'That's exactly what makes you beautiful'. His eyes trailed my whole body. 'Yes, beautiful indeed'

I smashed my lips to his again. Feeling the tension and sparks every time we touched each other. I slid my fingers over his bare chest and got caught up in the moment. I knew I could never resist this man and he knew it all too well.

He lowered me back on the bed and hovered me without breaking the kiss. I felt his erection pressing against my tummy and smiled. 'What?' he said as he raised his eyebrow.

I slid my fingers over the features of his face. 'Nothing. I just feel something I like'

'You mean this?' he said as he pressed his body more firmly against mine.

I moaned in his ear. 'Yeah... that's exactly what I meant'

He smiled as he slid his hands under my pajama shirt and pulled it up to get rid of it. He threw it on the floor and covered my almost naked body with his.

After all those years I still felt the butterflies flying everywhere in my body. 'You make me so happy' I whispered against his skin.

He grabbed my face between his hands and stared into my eyes before he placed a soft kiss to my head. 'Hm... there's something about you that keeps me wanting more and more'

I tickled his scruff with my fingers. 'What do you want?'

A wide grin appeared on his face. His fingers slid down my body and entered my panties. 'All of you'

I wrapped my arms around his neck. 'But you already have me?'

He buried his face in my neck. 'I want you forever'

I swallowed harshly. 'Colin, I...' I started but he cut me off.

'I know forever is a long time and you don't have to want it too, but you know... I want this. I want us. I want you. Forever. Or at least as long as you want to.' he said as he lowered his eyes.

I lifted his chin with my hand. 'I will love you until the day after forever'

His gaze caught mine again and his blue eyes were filled with sparks. 'Seriously?'

I nodded. 'Forever is a long time, but I want to spend it with you, by your side'

'Jennifer. Are you okay?' he asked worriedly.

I raised my eyebrow. 'I am okay. Why do you ask?'

My gaze became blurry and I realized that it was all a dream. Soon I saw Jack's face in front of me. 'Are you okay?' he asked again as I opened my eyes.

I nodded. 'What happened?'

'You passed out'

I tried to look around me but of course, Colin was nowhere to be found. A smile appeared on my face.

'Why are you smiling? Is it that funny?'

I shook my head. 'I had a dream about Colin'

Jack sat down next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. 'You guys must have a special relationship. I have never seen someone so dedicated to a person.'

'He is my everything'

He smirked. 'That sounds a bit...'

'Pathetic?' I added

'No... more like a movie thing'

I smiled again. 'It is not. There will come a time in your life when you will become infatuated with a single soul. For this person you'd do anything and not think twice about it, but when someone is asking you why... you have no answer. You'll try to understand how a person can affect you as much as they do, but trust me, you'll never find out. No matter how much you hate it or how much it hurt you, you'll love this person without regret and for the rest of your life'

Jack laughed. 'That was poetry'

There was an awkward silence before he continued talking.

'Colin is lucky to have a wife like you'

'No you have no idea how lucky I am to call him my husband. He is so complicated but when he finally opens his heart to you...'

Jack rested his hand on my cheek. 'He left you alone, Jen. That's not what a good husband does' 

My eyes widened. 'Not again!' I yelled as I stood up.

'Jennifer, wait'

I turned around and faced him again. 'You don't know anything about him or us!'

He stood up and walked over to me. 'I know more than you think. I've lost the love of my life two years ago.'

I lowered my eyes to the ground. 'I am so sorry, Jack. I didn't know'

'Don't judge a book by its cover. You know my name, but not my story'

He smiled before he tried to walk by me, but I grabbed his hand. 'Tell me your story then'


	15. The Same Moon

**Jen's pov**

_'Tell me your story then'_

Jack sighed deeply. 'My wife passed away two years ago. Since then, my life has never been the same.'

'That's terrible! What happened?'

His eyes caught mine, but he quickly looked away. 'She died in a traffic accident.'

He smiled faintly. 'It is still difficult every day, but you learn to deal with it.'

'Did you have children?'

He shook his head. 'No. She was pregnant when she died. "

'I'm sorry, Jack.'

He cleared his throat. 'Shall we continue?'

I grabbed his hand before he could walk away. 'Why are you helping me?'

He looked at me intently. 'To be honest... I have to tell you something'

I already had a feeling that something was wrong with him. I felt my heart beat in my throat. 'You know something, don't you?'

The nodding of his head was enough reason for me to get angry. 'Where is Colin?'

He shook his head. 'I don't know.'

'What do you know?!' I yelled. He was startled.

'Colin has been kidnapped and is being held, but I don't know where'

I felt a spark of hope in my body. 'So he is not dead?'

'As far as I know he is still alive'

I raised my eyebrow. 'What do you mean 'as far as you know'?'

'I'm not the person behind all this. I would only take care of you'

My eyes widened. 'Take care of me?'

'I had to make sure that you would lose hope and stop searching, but I can't do it anymore.'

It took a while before I could process everything in my head. 'Why would you do that?'

His cheeks flushed red. 'Because I have a crush on you and hoped that I would have a chance with you.'

My hands slid over my belly. 'I'm pregnant, Jack'

Jack took a step closer, but I tried to keep him at bay by taking a step back. 'I didn't know it back then' he murmured.

I felt the tears burning in my eyes.

'Jennifer...' he started, reaching his arms to me. I stepped back and turned around.

'I'm going back to the hotel'

I heard him behind me.

'Alone!' I shouted in tears. I hurried out of the forest and tried to walk to the hotel as quickly as possible. I arrived there a few minutes later completely out of breath. Sometimes I forgot that a pregnancy makes your body a wreck. I quickly ran to my room and closed the door before I fell on my bed.

I took my notebook out of my bag. I wanted nothing more than to share my feelings with Colin, but that was not possible. The only way was to write it down and just hope that he could ever read it. I grabbed a pen from my bedside table and moved it over the paper.

_'Help me, it's like the walls are caving in._   
_Sometimes I feel like giving up._   
_But I just can't..._   
_It isn't in my blood..._

_Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing._   
_I'm overwhelmed and insecure, give me something._   
_I could take to ease my mind slowly._   
_Just have a drink and you'll feel better._   
_Just take someone home and you'll feel better._   
_Keep telling me that it gets better._   
_Does it ever?_

_Help me, it's like the walls are caving in._   
_Sometimes I feel like giving up._   
_No medicine is strong enough._   
_Someone help me._   
_I'm crawling in my skin._

_I'm looking through my phone again feeling anxious._   
_Afraid to be alone again, I hate this._   
_I'm trying to find a way to chill, can't breathe._   
_Sometimes I feel like giving up._   
_But I just can't...'_

A tear fell on the page. I tried to wipe the others, but they kept coming. I'll be fine one day. Feeling unsure and lost is just a part of my path. I don't have to avoid it. I have to see what those feelings are showing me and I have to use it. I have to take a deep breath. I'll be okay. Even if I don't feel okay all the time. At least that's what they said. Fact is that I'm drowning but nobody sees my struggle.

I stared out of the window and smiled at the sight of the beautiful moon. He always told me that whenever I feel lonely, I just have to look at the moon because someone, somewhere is looking at it too. I just hope we're looking at the same moon right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The note Jen wrote in her notebook is from an actual song. It's called 'In My Blood' and is sung by Shawn Mendes.


	16. My Favorite

**Jen's pov**

'What's wrong, love? Why are you crying?' Colin whispered as I felt his soft hand sliding over my cheek.

I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his neck. 'I just love you'

He smiled as he caressed the back of my head. 'Isn't that a good thing?'

I nodded in response. 'Then why are you crying?'

'I'm just happy and every time I look at you I'm feeling even happier. Is it possible to have too much happiness inside you?' I realized how stupid that must sound as I spoke the words out loud.

He pressed his lips against my forehead. 'I don't think you can ever be too happy. I have the same feeling when I look at you when you're just talking or humming or doing any other simple thing. It's more like really loving someone.'

He wiped a tear from my cheek with his thumb. 'And once in a lifetime, you love someone so much that it hurts.'

I smiled through my tears. 'But love isn't supposed to hurt'

He grabbed my face between his hands and stared into my eyes. His beautiful eyes. The most adorable eyes you could ever fall for and the cutest smile that takes your breath away. He has the ability to make you laugh every time he speaks and whenever you look into his eyes it's so hard to turn away. The kind of eyes you could get lost in and I guess I did. 

'It can also be a good thing' his voice woke me out of my thoughts

'How can it be a good thing?'

'Because it means that someone loves you more than they can express. You mean so much to them that they worry about you all the time because they want you to feel safe. It hurts because they know that sometimes you're not happy, and they worry sometimes that they'll hurt you or not be enough for you. They really do care about you so much, and the thought of you being unhappy could break their heart. Maybe they feel like they want to be closer to you, like the amount of love they can show you is just not enough. Maybe they feel like they're not good enough for you, or that you deserve someone better. That person really wants to be there for you forever, and imagining the two of you apart would absolutely crush them. Sometimes love just hurts because of the amount of emotional energy it takes to truly love someone. That person really loves you. They want to invest everything they can in you, to be closer to you and to give you everything that you deserve. You cause so much emotion within their heart that it might actually make them feel weak but in a good way. Not all pain is necessarily a bad thing, and when someone says "I love you so much it hurts" then they probably mean that they love you so much that they can't even describe it.'

I tried to hide the tears that welled in my eyes again, but I failed. 'Does it hurt to love me?'

'Well, I'm not going to lie...' he started and I felt my eyes widen, afraid of what he was going to say.

'You're the person I love so much that it hurts, but it's the best feeling ever.'

'Asshole' I murmured as I pressed my lips to his.

'Asshole' he repeated me with a high voice.

I crawled on his lap and pressed another kiss to his lips. 'My favorite asshole'

He quirked his eyebrow. 'Asshole? I prefer favorite human.'

I gently pushed him backward, but he quickly turned us so his body was on top of mine. I giggled as he pressed kisses all over my face. Once he reached my lips I grabbed his face between my hands and stared into his eyes again. 'My favorite eyes to look into' I started, causing his cheeks to become slightly red.

'My favorite way to spend the day' I continued as I still gazed into his eyes before I pressed my lips to his. 'My favorite everything'

'Hm, you're forgetting something' he said cheekily

'What then?'

His lips found mine again. He slid his tongue into my mouth to find mine, fighting for dominance. 'My favorite flavor' he groaned eventually.

I slid my hands over his chest and slowly unbuttoned his shirt. I pushed the shirt over his shoulders and caressed his body with my hands. 'My favorite body'

He chuckled and bent over to nibble my ear. 'My favorite ears' he whispered with a husky voice that caused me to get goosebumps all over my body.

My hands slid over his body to unbuckle his belt. He pulled off his jeans and laid down next to me, staring at the ceiling. I rolled over to my side and rested my hand on his chest as I played with the hairs on it. He lifted my chin with his index finger and looked at me intently as he moved his hand to play with a strand of my hair. 'You're beautiful, ma'am O'Donoghue'

'You're quite the beauty yourself, mister O'Donoghue' I said without losing eye contact as my hand trailed down his body until I reached the waistband of his boxer shorts. I played with the waistband before I cupped his manhood through his boxer shorts. A moan escaped his mouth under my touch. I teased him a little bit more but pulled off his boxer shorts eventually. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him.

'I could do this all day' he whispered against my hair.

I couldn't help but smile. 'I can't wait all day'

He chuckled. 'A bit impatient, aren't we?'

My hand moved back to his manhood, which I started to stroke softly. I felt his body tensing beside me. 'Can you still do this all day? I think I can, because... well, you know... It's my favorite thing to stroke'

A sigh escaped his mouth. 'You're a little minx' he managed to say between groans.

I smiled as I rested my head against his neck, pressing soft kisses to his shoulder.

'But I'm your favorite one'

_I didn't want to wake up. I really didn't want to. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It's like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare._


	17. Interrupted

**Jen's pov**

A knock on the door woke me out of the best dream ever. I sighed deeply as I pulled the blankets away to get up. The knocking continued.

'I'm coming! Be patient. It's in the goddamn middle of the night!' I yelled annoyed as I hurried myself to the door.

I unlocked the door, opened it and stared right into Jack's face. 'You have no idea how mad I am right now!' I whispered angrily, trying not to wake up others in the hotel.

He pushed me back inside and closed the door behind him. 'I'm sorry for earlier. I really want to help you.'

I rolled my eyes. 'You just woke me out of the best dream ever, so why is it that important to come to me in the middle of the night?' I sneered.

He sat down on the edge of the bed and padded next to him. Although I hated him, I also felt sorry for him. I sat down next to him and sighed. 'What are you really doing here Jack?'

'You have to go back home' he blurted out

I quirked my eyebrow. 'And leaving the opportunity to find him? No way.'

He lifted my chin with his index finger to face him, just like Colin did in my dream. 'You have to go back to your little girl. She needs you and so does this one' he said as he pointed to my pregnant belly.

Deep down I knew that he was right. I was pregnant and left our little girl. Tears welled up in my eyes. 'I'm such a bad mother'

He lifted my chin up again. 'Hey, look at me. You're the best mom the two of them can wish for.'

Tears were running down my cheeks now. 'Really?'

He caressed my cheeks with his thumbs. 'Really.'

I cupped his hands on my face with mine. 'Thanks Jack. I really appreciate it.'

He smiled but then his face got a serious expression. 'You should check for flights back home. I think it isn't good for you to wait much longer.'

I swallowed the lump in my throat. 'I think I can't leave this place knowing that he might be somewhere.'

He grabbed my hands in his. 'I only say what's best for you. If you want to you can go home and I'll stay here to look out for him.'

'But...' I started but he cut me off.

'His parents are also here, right?'

I nodded. 'They are.'

He slid his hand through my hair and looked at me intently. 'Go to your daughter. I'm sure that's what he wanted you to do right now.' He bent forward and rested his forehead against mine. I inhaled deeply as I closed my eyes and noticed that he was wearing the perfume that Colin loved the most. I realized that I was thinking in the past tense and that a part of me was slowly letting go. That I'm slowly growing less in love with him every single day. I think that's the most difficult thing about losing someone you've loved, the way you feel never really dies all at once.

I didn't realize that tears were running down my face. 'What's wrong? Why are you crying?' he whispered as I felt his soft hand sliding over my cheek.

I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his neck. It felt like I was reliving the dream I just had, but not with Colin. 'I just don't know what I feel right now'

He gently lifted my head and brought it closer to his. I felt his warm breathing on my lips before I felt his lips gently on mine. Before I realized what was going on, Colin's mom burst into my hotel room. She looked confused for a moment as she saw me with Jack and then I saw the disgust on her face. She seemed to forget for a moment what she came for but recovered quickly.

'They found Colin'


	18. Love, Fear And Everything In Between

**Jen's pov**

I didn't know if I ended up in another dream or in another nightmare. I was trapped in a nightmare for weeks. Shaking. Trembling. Terrified. Afraid. Scared. My nightmare didn't happen just once. It started over and over every single day.

'They found Colin' it echoed through my mind ever since we left the hotel room. The hotel room where Jack probably still is. The hotel room where he kissed me and my mother-in-law caught us together. She hasn't said a word to me since that moment and I couldn't even blame her. She saw her pregnant daughter-in-law cheating on her son and we don't even know how he is doing right now.

I sat in the back seat of the car and stared outside, thinking of our past. It wasn't the first time I kissed someone else in our relationship. Sometimes I wish that I could be a better me, for you.

After what felt like hours of driving we arrived at the hospital. I was always excited to see him, but this time I was incredibly nervous. We went inside and were welcomed by a police officer. 'The O'Donoghue family?'. We all nodded, but I had to withhold myself from giggling. Colin was always annoyed when people didn't pronounce his surname the right way and this officer clearly didn't do it right.

He guided us through a long hallway before he stopped in front of a door. A beautiful looking nurse came to us and explained his situation. 'Unfortunately, we don't know what happened to him. He was awake when we found him and we tried to talk to him, but he was in shock.'

'How bad is it?' his mom asked in a broken voice.

The nurse smiled kindly. 'He's exhausted, but I think the problems are mostly mentally. He has some pretty bad bruises and a concussion, but he'll be alright.'

I sighed with relief. 'Can we see him?'

The nurse nodded. 'Sure, but keep it simple. He is fast asleep now and he might probably not even hear you but he has been through a lot.'

I opened the door and did not know if I should be nervous, relieved or startled. I felt the same reaction behind me. Colin lay on the bed, but not the Colin we all knew. He was emaciated and was covered in bruises and scratches. 'Oh, honey...' his mom started in tears. '...what did they do to you?'

I walked to the side of the bed and grabbed his cold hand in mine as the tears ran down my cheeks. His dad wrapped his arms around his wife and together they stared at their bruised son on the hospital bed. After a while, he cleared his throat. 'We're going to get some coffee. Do you want some Jen?' I nodded gratefully and turned to Colin again.

'I'm so sorry, Colin...' I started but of course he didn't respond.

'I'm such a stupid bitch sometimes... I'm jealous because I'm afraid someone can please you more than me. I guess it's my insecurities acting op a bit because I know I'm not the most beautiful, most fun or even most exciting woman.'

Tears were running down my face again. 'I'm a big mess and that's the last thing you need right now... but this mess loves you endlessly.'

I sniffed at the thought that he probably could not even hear me. I wanted to get up to go to his parents when I felt his hand gently squeezing into mine. My eyes widened and my hand reached for the emergency button, but his voice interrupted me.

'Don't' he said barely a whisper.

His eyes were still closed and I wondered if it really happened or whether I was dreaming. 'Colin?'

He smiled faintly as he slowly opened his eyes.

'I need to get a nurse'

I finally saw his beautiful eyes again but they were dull and tired. They missed the sparkle they always had and I was shocked. I had seen him in difficult times, but never like this. 'Don't do it' he repeated.

'Why not? They need to check on you'

'I just want to enjoy this moment. With you, without people asking me everything all the time.'

He caressed the top of my hand with his thumb. 'Where's Ivy?'

I smiled. Of course, he would ask for his little girl. 'She is back home with my parents'

'Can she come by?'

My eyes widened. 'She's never been on a plane. I don't think we can manage it right now, but I have pic..'

I said as I grabbed my phone but he interrupted me. 'Plane? Why would she come by plane?'

'Because she can't come by car to Italy'

'Italy? Why are we in Italy?'

It was even worse than I thought. 'You were here for work but you didn't come back'

He quirked his eyebrows. 'We're we in a quarrel? I'd always come back to you'

I carefully stroked his face with my hand. 'I'll tell you everything when you're home. You need to rest.'

He cupped my hand with his as he stared at my belly. 'How is he doing?'

'There's nothing to worry about, handsome'

A smile appeared on his face. 'Someone knocked the handsome out of me'

I placed my lips to his. 'No one is that powerful'


	19. The Sweetest

**Colin's pov**

'Good morning, honey!' She shouted happily as she walked into my room. She sat on the edge of my bed and gently pressed a kiss to my lips.

'How are you?'

I shrugged, but my face showed the pain. 'I'm okay' I groaned.

I felt her soft hand slid across my face. 'I'm so glad you're back' she whispered as she tried to hold back her tears. Carefully I laid my hand on hers. 'I can't wait to go home'

The nurse walked in smiling. 'If you start to feel better, you can go home, Mr. O'Donoghue'

'Please say Colin, otherwise I feel so old'

'How are you feeling today?'

'My body feels stiff and is sensitive everywhere, but besides that, I feel good'

'And mentally?'

My eyes shot at Jennifer. 'I don't want to talk about it' I murmured.

'Sir... It really works better for us if we know what happened. What else can you remember?'

I rolled my eyes. 'I just said I don't want to talk about it.'

Jennifer looked angry at me. Normally I was the one who stayed calm and kind, but the nagging people became too much for me.

'I've been detained for weeks, psychologically abused... I don't remember' I muttered eventually.

The nurse took my temperature, checked my pulse and did the other necessary checks. 'It looks fine. I'll visit you again in a few hours'

When the nurse left the room, Jennifer still looked angry at me. 'Where did that came from?'

I raised my eyebrow. 'Where did what came from?'

'Your response. That was not really necessary. These people are trying to help you and you are just being mean.'

I knew she was right, but nobody understood or could understand what I was going through now. 'Nobody understands'

'Because you're not talking!' She screamed angrily.

I crossed my arms and looked at the other side of the room to avoid her gaze. 'I want to understand' she said softer this time.

'I need time'

'You can trust me'

I rolled my eyes. 'Sorry that I don't trust everyone at the moment'

It hurt her feelings and I realized that it wasn't my intention to hurt her. 'I'm not everyone' she said softly as she stared at the ground.

I intertwined my fingers with hers. 'I know. I'm sorry'

She smiled faintly as she wiped a tear from her cheek. 'Please talk to me'

I sighed. 'I'm still very confused, Jen. I just don't know'

'Then promise me that you will come to me first'

I caressed her cheek with my thumb. 'Always'

The days in the hospital slowly passed. Jennifer and my parents visited me every day, but as soon as they left, I had time to think and worry about what happened. After a week I finally got out of the hospital and it was safe enough to go back home. My parents went back to Ireland and I went to the United States with Jennifer.

I had underestimated the flight. It was not my favorite activity, but in the condition my body was in now, it seemed even worse.

After a long flight and a lot of pain in my body, we finally arrived at the airport. We grabbed our luggage as quickly as possible and in the arrival hall I saw Jennifer's parents.

'Daddy!' I heard a familiar voice screaming. Ivy came running at me with her arms wide open. I knelt down as she flew into my arms. 'I missed you, Daddy!'

'I missed you too, love' I said as I hugged her as firmly as possible. Until this moment I did not seem to realize what happened and what could have happened. The reunion with Ivy made me realize and it was the first time I had to cry about it.

'What's wrong Daddy?' Ivy asked worriedly.

Jennifer wrapped her arms around us and kissed my cheek. 'Your dad missed you very much'

Ivy pressed her lips to my cheek. 'I love you' she whispered as she rested her head on my shoulders. 'Are you going home with us now?'

I nodded. 'I'm not going anywhere for now' I said as I stood up with Ivy in my arms.

She lifted her head and looked at me.

I quirked my eyebrow. 'What is it?'

'Did you bring a present?' she asked cheekily.

I looked at her, startled. 'Oh no....'

She pouted her lip. 'But you promised...'

I pressed a kiss to her forehead. 'Of course I have a gift for you, but you know... Girls who ask...'

'...do not get presents' she added. 'But I am a sweet girl'

'The sweetest girl'

'What about me?' Jennifer asked sadly as she pouted her lips

I wrapped an arm around her. 'Both of you are the sweetest'


	20. Like Home

**Jen's pov**

From the airport we went to my parents' house. I wanted nothing more than a moment alone with my husband and daughter, but my mother kept insisting that we should stay with them for dinner. Colin, the kindness itself, agreed.

After a short ride we arrived at my parental home. Ivy had hugged and leaned against Colin the entire ride. I knew how bruised his body was, and I could see from his facial expressions that he was in pain. He did not show anything to Ivy and had his arm wrapped around her, resting her head on his chest. My heart melted at seeing these two and, to be honest, I was jealous of how intimate Ivy was with him. Of course, this was intimate in a different way, but since the reunion with Colin, we only shared a quick kiss and some hugs. I realized that he had been through a lot, but it sometimes frustrated me that he behaved like a completely different man. The goodness and sweetness were still there, but he was much more distant.

Ivy jumped out of the car enthusiastically. 'Daddy, are we going to play?' she begged.

Colin smiled faintly. 'We will play together later, darling'

'Why? I want to play with you now! You have been away for so long...' she pouted her lips

'Maybe Grandpa wants to play with you?' I suggested, as I quickly looked at my father.

He smiled kindly. 'Grandpa always wants to play with this little girl'

'I am not a little girl, Grandpa!'

My parents were laughing while they walked towards the front door. I turned around to face Colin.

'Are you okay?' I asked concerned as I wrapped my arms around him.

He caressed my cheek with his thumb and nodded softly.

'Are you sure?'

He nodded again, but I noticed that he was not feeling well. I felt that he did not want me to ask further.

'Shall we go inside? I'm starving.'

I nodded as I watched him walk towards the front door. His posture still far too thin. Colin was back, but not complete, and it hurt to see him like that.

The rest of the evening he was anxiously quiet. He could be very much on his own, but with family and friends he often enjoyed being himself. After dinner, we decided to go home.

'Are you taking care of my girl?' My father said, hugging Colin gently.

He smiled. 'You know me'

My mother rolled her eyes. 'It wouldn't be the first time'

I looked at her angrily and hoped that Colin had not heard it, but I could see by the look on his face that he did hear it.

'I never did anything wrong to her' he said insulted

I grabbed his hand and put my other hand on his face. 'Let it go, sweetheart. It was not your fault'

'You should never have left' she whispered

'I tried to take care of my family' he said indignantly.

'You succeeded well'

'Mom!'

'He can't just leave if you're pregnant, Jen'

I looked intently at her. 'That is something we have decided together. I can take great care of myself and you don't have to worry about our relationship at all.' I turned towards Colin again. 'We are going home. This is too much for you'

He smiled gratefully and lifted the sleeping Ivy up from the couch. We said goodbye and walked to my car that was still at my parents from before my departure.

'Where is my car?' Colin asked while putting Ivy carefully in the seat.

I shrugged my shoulders. 'I'm afraid he was stolen, but that doesn't matter. That you are back again is what matters most'

He gently closed the car door and pulled me towards him. I buried my face in his neck and felt his fingers curling through my hair. 'You're amazing Jennifer' he whispered.

I pushed myself carefully away from him and stared at him. 'Why?'

'For all your patience and that you kept believing in me'

I pressed my lips to his. 'You would have done the exact same thing for me'

'I would do anything for you'

I smiled as I lowered my eyes to his chest. 'I know' I looked up again and my eyes met his beautiful blue once. 'And I would do anything for you too'

He carefully removed a strand of hair from my face before he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against mine. 'Let's go home'

I stepped into the car with a big smile, while Colin sat on the passenger seat. After driving a while, I looked beside me and saw his beautiful face in the moonlight. His eyes were closed and even though he looked battered, he was still dashing.

He chuckled. 'What are you looking at?'

I felt my cheeks flushing red. There was silence while I parked the car in front of our house. 'I was looking at you' I finally replied

I felt the warmth of his hand on mine. 'I... I thought I lost you' I said in a broken voice, as the tears rolled down my cheeks.

He opened his eyes and looked at me with concern. 'Are you okay?'

'I am fine'

'Jen...'

'Aside from the not sleeping, the constant fear that something happened to you... like I can't even breathe.' I stopped to look at him. 'I felt nothing and everything at the same time'

He pressed his soft lips to my cheeks, his stubble tickling me. 'Sometimes I'm afraid that I will wake up from a dream and that you're gone'

'It's real, love. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere'

'You have to go somewhere' I said cheekily

He quirked his eyebrow. 'What do you mean?'

'I want to sleep next to you.'

A big smile appeared on his face. 'Let's go then. I can't wait'

He got out of the car and gently lifted Ivy out of her seat. She mumbled for a moment, but wrapped her arms around his neck and fell asleep again.

'Can you promise me something?'

He looked at me in amazement. 'What is it?'

'Will you hold me in your arms tonight? Just like you do with her'

He wrapped his free arm around my shoulder and pressed his lips to my temple. 'Of course, love' 

I could not wipe the smile off my face as we walked to the front door. We were finally home. Home... When you find true love, home is no longer a place. It's the person you love and wherever they are, you're home. At the end of the day, he is the person I want to come home to. He is the person I want to tell how my day went. He is the person I want to share my happiness, sadness, frustration, and success with. For a few weeks, I had no home.

But I swear, his arms felt like home...


	21. Close But So Far Away

**Colin's pov**

I carried Ivy upstairs and put her in her bed. She muttered a bit but didn't wake up. I covered her with her blankets and pressed a kiss to her forehead before I went downstairs again. I walked into the living room and saw how Jennifer pulled her T-shirt down. I raised my eyebrow with a smile. 'What were you doing?'

She smiled faintly. 'I was putting on lingerie'

I heard the uncertainty in her voice. 'But?'

'But that gigantic belly makes me feel anything but sexy' she said as she looked into the mirror.

I stood behind her and wrapped my arms around her. With my hands I gently stroked her belly. 'You are beautiful'

'You only say that to make me feel good. I'm about to explode'

I turned her around so she looked at me. 'Would I ever lie to you?'

She shook her head. 'No'

'Believe me when I say that you look beautiful'

She opened her mouth to give a reply, but I pressed my lips to hers to silence her.

'Let's go upstairs' she whispered into my ear as she played with the buttons of my shirt.

I grinned. 'Jen, it can happen anytime...'

She shrugged and put her hand on my crotch. She stroked and squeezed it through the fabric of my pants. 'I have missed you for so long'

A groan escaped my mouth. 'Hm, if my wife insists, I can't refuse'

She pressed her lips to mine with a smile. 'The best husband ever'

She pulled me upstairs and before we reached our bedroom we were both already stripped off our clothes. Jennifer lay on her back on the bed and played with the straps of her bra. I took place between her legs and pressed kisses on her belly in a trace to her legs. I hooked my thumbs around her panties and pulled them down. My fingers slid gently over her legs towards her thighs. The closer I got to her entrance, the more she began to shiver under my touch. I decided not to torture her any longer and gently pushed a finger inside, which made her groan with pleasure.

'I need more' she gasped

'As you wish, love' I added another finger while I laid down beside her. She had taken off her bra and played with her breasts, which I willingly took over from her. My fingers pumped into her while I played her nipple with my tongue and teeth. It did not take long before she reached her peak.

'That talented mouth and fingers of yours are going to be the death of me' she said, still out of breath from her peak. She rolled over on her side and pressed a kiss on my cheek. 'I missed you so much'

My fingers curled through her hair. 'I missed you too'

She was about to crawl to the end of the bed, but I stopped her. 'You can't bend too much, love'

She pouted her lip. 'But it's been a long time for you and I want it'

'I am already hard for you, I will survive without it. As soon as this little guy is there, you can do whatever you want to'

She pulled on the waistband of my boxers. 'You have no idea what I'm going to do with you'

'I can't wait'

She took a seat on top of me and carefully slid my length into her. I felt my heartbeat rising, but this time not out of pleasure. She grabbed my arms above my head like she often did, but the tension in my body continued to rise.

'Stop...' I said softly. She looked confused.

'Get off of me' I said louder this time.

'Why?' She asked still confused

'I can't do this'

'But I thought you wanted it yourself?'

I pushed her gently away from me and sat down at the edge of the bed. I buried my face in my hands.

'Colin...' she tried, rubbing my back with her hands. 'Was it because I grabbed your arms? I did not think about it, I'm so sorry'

'It doesn't matter' I answered without looking up.

'We can finish it without holding you'

'Not now'

'But, I...' she began, but I cut her off. 'It's not about you right now!'

I stood up and saw the tears in her eyes. I hurried to the bathroom where I locked the door and got under the shower. After 20 minutes under the cold water, I felt that my heartbeat had dropped and my panic attack was gone. I walked back to the bedroom and saw that she had fallen asleep with a tear-stained face. I pressed a kiss to her forehead and covered her under the blankets. It took me a while to fall asleep myself.

After a restless night, I woke up the next morning by an enthusiastic Ivy.

'Daddy, I want to draw!'

I stretched myself as I tried to open my eyes. 'You can draw yourself, love'

She pouted her lip. 'But you have to help me!'

I pushed myself up and sat on the edge of the bed. She took me to her bedroom where she had already started drawing. She pushed a paper in my hand with a big smile on her face. 'Look at it!'

I took the paper and saw that she had drawn two puppets. 'Nice sweetheart!'

'Look again daddy, that's you with mom!'

I looked even better at the drawing and saw that she had drawn a hook as a hand. I pressed a kiss to her forehead and sat on the floor next to her. 'It is beautiful sweetheart'


	22. Piece By Piece

**Jen's pov**

The next morning I woke up with a knot in the pit of my stomach. I stretched my arm, but to my surprise Colin was not beside me. I rolled over to his side of the bed and felt the warmth of his body still remaining. The same warmth I had felt last night, but what became too much for him. I pushed myself up and rubbed the fatigue out of my eyes before I threw my legs over the edge of the bed.

I walked towards Ivy's room to see if she was already awake. She never slept for a long time, but Colin's return had also taken its toll on her. I opened the door and saw that the room was empty. I hurried to the living room and found the most touching thing I had ever seen. Colin lay stretched out on the couch, and Ivy lay on top of him in his arms as she clung her hands to his T-shirt. I put a blanket over them and pressed a kiss on Colin's forehead. He slowly opened his eyes and stared at me.

'Good morning, honey' I whispered before I pressed my lips to his.

He quirked an eyebrow and looked at me with a confused face. 'I thought you were angry'

I shook my head and caressed his face with my hand. 'Your words did hurt me, but I should have thought about you. I'm sorry'

He grabbed my hand and stroked the top with his thumb. 'I shouldn't have act like this to you. I just had a panic attack and I... I'm sorry too.'

'Talk to me, Col. Please.' it sounded more desperate than I intended.

He sighed. 'Not when she is around.'

'Tonight?'

He visibly swallowed the lump in his throat. 'I want to understand'

He nodded his head softly. 'I'm going to try, but please don't have any expectations.'

I pressed my lips gently to his. 'No worries'

I stood up, but he took my hand before I could walk away. 'I love you. Never forget that '

'I love you too.' I smiled at the cute sight of him and Ivy. 'Coffee?'

He nodded. 'I thought you would never ask'

We drank coffee together and he told us about the first days in Italy, the days he remembered. Ivy did not know what was happening and we decided to keep it that way. We didn't want to scare her unnecessarily. We spent the day as a family and that was something I had missed more than I wanted to admit. With a cup of tea in my hands, I stared outside where Colin was playing with Ivy. He has always been good with children, but with his own daughter, he was a natural. He ran after her, laughing with his arms wide open to catch her. When he caught her he hugged her tightly.

My hands slid to my belly. I could not wait for him to come, but I was scared at the same time. The birth of Ivy was not easy and Colin really pushed me through it. Unfortunately, he was mentally not too strong right now and although I knew he would be there for me, I felt like I should do a larger part alone. I woke up from my thought by Ivy who was knocking on the window. Colin stood with his face pressed against the window and Ivy could not stop laughing. I grinned and pressed my lips to the spot where his were on the other side of the window. Slowly but surely, pieces of the old Colin returned.

I walked towards the kitchen to start supper already. I was cutting the vegetables when I suddenly felt two firm arms around me.

'Can I help you with something?'

I shook my head. 'Go ahead and enjoy your time with Ivy. She missed you so much '

He pressed his lips to my cheek. 'I missed both of you too'

Colin and Ivy played on for a while, but after dinner she quickly went to bed. He brought her upstairs and then plopped on the couch. I grabbed a glass of wine for him and sat down next to him. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer to him, laying his feet on the table. I put my head on his chest and felt his head resting on mine. My hand slid over his body, feeling more bones than I could remember. He had never been fat, but now he was incredibly slender.

'What did they do to you...' I whispered as I grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently.

He sighed deeply. 'I don't know everything'

'Tell me what you know'

'I know my last scene was the kidnapping scene' he began. I squeezed his hand in an encouraging way.

'Only it was much rougher than during the rehearsal. I was thrown into the van so harsh that I passed out and after that I never arrived on the set again.'

'What happened next?'

'I don't remember how long it took before someone came to check on me for the first time'

'Who was it?'

He shrugged his shoulders. 'I really can't remember'

'Tell me more'

'I can only remember that the person has touched me'

My breath stopped in my throat. 'Touched you?'

'Yes. First only my clothes, but after that my clothes were also pulled out '

My eyes became big. 'So that's why...'

'Yes' he interrupted. 'I got flashbacks and panicked'

'I'm sorry...'

He caressed my face with his thumb. 'It's not your fault. You couldn't have known'

'Where did they touch you?'

He swallowed hard. 'At first only my upper body, but it went further and further'

'Does that person... do you...' I started but I could not say the words out loud.

'Did we have sex?' he added. He shrugged when I nodded. 'I don't know.'

He stared uneasily at his feet. I sat down on his lap and lifted his chin with my index finger. 'Whatever happened, I don't blame you'

I saw relief in his eyes. 'Seriously?'

'Of course, silly. You would never hurt me consciously'

A smile appeared on his face before he pressed his lips to mine. 'Sorry I didn't tell you before'

'Hey, it's okay. I understand that it's difficult, but piece by piece you will start to remember things. As soon as you have come to your senses a bit, we will see what we can do'

He nodded gratefully and smiled.

'What is it?'

'If you had not kissed me so intensely on the set all those years ago, then maybe we wouldn't have been here'

I quirked my eyebrow. 'You kissed me first, Mr. O'Donoghue.'

'Why would I do that?'

I hit him playfully and pressed my lips back to his.

'Annoying asshole'


	23. Delivering The Truth

**Colin's pov**

'You can do it! Just a little bit!' I tried to encourage her while she squeezed my hand.

'Shut up! You have no idea' she sneered back.

I grinned inside. One of the sweetest women who never spoke an evil word about someone was currently in full bitch mode. But who could blame her... Bringing a child into the world is not a fun and certainly not the easiest job. I wiped a strand of hair from her sweaty face, while my hand was turning white. I didn't feel anything in it anymore, but let her go ahead. The pain in my hand was nothing compared to what she had to go through. She screamed loudly when another contraction overtook her. The tears rolled down her cheeks and it hurt me to see her like that.

'I'll never do this again!' she screamed

'You've said that before, love'

'Ah, shut up! You only did the nice and easy part.'

The gynecologist laughed and shrugged his shoulders. 'She does have a point, mate'

After half an hour of squeezing hands, screaming and cursing, the baby was finally on her chest. Jennifer suddenly seemed to have forgotten everything and was in love with the little man in her arms. I wrapped my arm around her while I sat down beside her on the bed.

'You're amazing, Jen'

She leaned her head against my chest and sighed. 'Sorry I was so mean to you'

I pressed a kiss to her head. 'I completely understand. You don't have to be sorry.'

She smiled happily at the baby. 'He looks so much like you'

'I hope that's a good thing?'

'Of course, silly. You are the most beautiful man who walks around on this earth'

I smiled while pressing another kiss to her temple. 'You still talk about him in the third person'

'It's just so unreal that he... I mean Mason, is here now'

'I think we could use some positivity in our life right now'

She nodded without taking her eyes off Mason. We enjoyed the moment and the silence for a while.

'Do you mind to call everyone? I'm so tired'

'Of course, love' I said as I stood up and walked to the hallway. After I informed our family and friends about Mason, I walked back to Jennifer's room. I had expected her to be fast asleep, but instead, I heard a familiar voice.

'Jack, what are you doing here?'

'I had to see you'

'How did you know I was here?'

I heard him sigh. 'I know someone who works here. She would let me know when you arrived here'

'I'm sorry I left you so abruptly in Italy, but I want to thank you for your help'

'Did you tell him?'

'What do I have to tell him?' I heard by the tone in her voice that she was a little nervous.

'Did you tell him about our kiss?'

Even before I could process it or even respond at all, my presence outside the room was already betrayed. 'Mr. O'Donoghue, you can just go inside!' The nurse said enthusiastically.

I scratched uncomfortably behind my ear but eventually walked into the room. Jack sat on the bed next to Jennifer, but immediately got up when he noticed me.

'Good to see you again, friend!' Jack said enthusiastically as he approached me.

I looked at him angrily. 'Did you kiss my wife?'

'You heard it?'

I nodded but felt the anger take the upper hand. 'You knew it'

'What did I know?'

'We've talked about her. You knew she was married. You knew she is my wife.'

He shrugged his shoulders. 'If a beautiful woman wants to kiss me, I will not stop her. Besides, why do you pretend this is only my fault?'

I looked sideways at Jennifer, but she quickly tried to avoid my gaze. 'I will talk to her later. I want you to leave'

It took a while before he realized that I meant it, but eventually, he left the room. I sat on the chair next to the bed without saying anything.

'I should have said it'

I snorted. 'You should indeed have done that'

'I'm sorry'

'And especially because we talked about it. It was the perfect opportunity to tell me'

She finally looked at me. 'Why are you so angry? Don't get me wrong, but it also happens so often in our work. It's not like this is such a big deal.'

'So that's a permit to kiss everyone you want?'

'No, of course not, but...' she began, but I cut her off.

'On the set it's written for you. It's your role. It's scripted. This was you, kissing someone else.'

'I'm really sorry. I was so sad and lonely and he was there for me. It really didn't mean anything and it was only a few seconds. Your mother came in and...'

I quirked my eyebrow before I interrupted her. 'My mother came in?'

She nodded. 'Yes, they found you so she came into my hotel room to inform me.'

I could only shake my head in unbelief. 'So he was in the hotel room with you?'

'Colin...'

'If my mother didn't come in, then...'

The look in her eyes changed. 'Then what? Would I have shown him all corners of the room because I'm such a slut? Is that what you wanted to say?'

'No, that was not what I wanted to say'

'Good, because you have gone much further than me!'

My eyes widened and my jaw dropped slightly. 'What did you say?'

'You heard me'

I shook my head as I felt a tear roll down my cheek. Her face became softer and she seemed to realize what she had said.

'Colin... I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that '

I stared at her as my eyes became blurred with tears. After what felt like an eternity, I turned on my heel and walked to the door.

'Colin, please...'

But I left the room without a word.


	24. Feelings Shared

**Jen's pov**

He never walked away when we argue. He never ran away from me at all. Colin was such an easy person to deal with that there was actually no reason to argue. This time it was different. This time I had hurt him and I knew that I was the one who was wrong.

My parents were the first to enter my room after Colin had walked away. They hugged and congratulated me before they went to see Mason.

'Where is Colin?' My dad asked as he hovered above Mason's cradle.

'We had an argument.'

'So he left you again?' My mom sneered

I rolled my eyes irritated. 'He's been here all this time, but I hurt him. Then he left.'

My dad took my hand to calm me down a bit. 'Your mother and I are going to get some coffee and see if we can find him downstairs. Knowing Colin he will not be that far away from you'

I nodded gratefully. 'Thanks, Dad. I would really appreciate that.'

They were just out of my room when Jack came in again.

'Jack... you better not be here'

'I know, I know. I just wanted to say that I'm there for you if you need someone'

I smiled. 'Thanks. You are a sweetheart'

'Do I hear anything from you soon?'

I nodded. Before he left, he pressed a kiss to my forehead.

Colin turned out not to be in the restaurant and I started to worry more and more. It was nothing like him to walk away. At the end of the day we picked up Ivy and my parents brought me home.

I opened the front door and expected him to be in the living room. To my surprise, he was not there.

'Colin?'

Ivy looked at me quizzically. 'Where is he?'

'Maybe he is upstairs'

She ran to the stairs and made a move to climb up, but she seemed to realize that she is not allowed to do so alone. 'Daddy!' She screamed loudly. She repeated it a few times but there was no response.

'He will be here soon darling' I said before I grabbed my phone. I looked at the screen and saw that Jack was calling.

'Why do you call?'

'Also nice to hear your voice, Jennifer'

'Jack, please...'

'I just want to know how you're doing princess'

I smiled. 'It goes pretty well. I just got home'

'I'm glad to hear. How is your man doing?'

My heart skipped a beat. 'Colin?'

There was a loud laugh. 'No, your son, of course'

I looked at Mason, who was deeply asleep and a smile appeared on my face. 'He is doing fine'

'Good. When do I see you again?'

'I don't know Jack. I really have to go now. I'll call you' Before he could respond, I ended the call.

I turned on my heel and looked straight into Colin's face. Ivy clung around his neck and avoided my eyes.

'Did you go upstairs?' I asked angrily

She nodded with tears in her eyes.

'Ivy! That's dangerous!'

Tears rolled down her cheeks. 'But daddy was... I... don't be angry with me!'

My face softened. 'I'm not angry, but you can't do such dangerous things on your own'

I turned to Colin while he put her on the floor. 'Was Jack calling you?' he asked a bit angrily.

I nodded. 'I'm sorry. He's just a good friend and...'

He smiled faintly. 'It's okay.'

I shook my head. 'It is not okay and I know that. It will never happen again'

He wiped a strand of hair from my face and gently pressed his lips to mine. 'Sit down on the couch, I'll bring the children to bed. You need to rest.'

'But Mason's cradle...'

'That has been arranged for quite some time, love.'

I gratefully wrapped my arms around him and pressed kisses to his neck. 'I love you'

He palmed the back of my head with his hand and pressed himself firmly against me. 'I love you too. So much.'

He pressed his lips to mine before he went upstairs with the children. I knew he would read to them, so I decided to pour in a drink. After about 15 minutes I felt his body pressed against mine. With a smile I turned around and stared into his eyes as my hand cupped his cheek. 'Tell me if things are not going well with you, Colin. You don't have to do this alone. You don't have to hold back your emotions, because you have every right to be afraid.'

He just nodded, but I saw that there was a lot going on in his head. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him in a hug. He buried his nose in the nape of my neck, causing me to feel his warm breathing. 'You're not alone. I'm always there for you'

I gently pushed him away from me so I could look at him again. There were tears in his eyes. 'Hey, look at me' I said, lifting his chin with my index finger. 'You're not just my lover and my husband. You're also my best friend. That combination is not always the best thing, but if you want to talk as best friends you have to know that that's possible too.'

A tear rolled down his cheek. Colin wasn't good at sharing feelings but managed to open up to me because he knew I would never judge him. The walls that we demolished together were now slowly in between us again and it frustrated me. 'Are you afraid?'

He nodded.

'Colin, please say something.'

'Yes, I'm afraid! They haven't arrested anyone and I feel that they are looking for me. Call it paranoid, but every time I go outside I'm afraid it will happen again...' his voice broke, showing that he really is afraid.

'...and I'm afraid you are being harmed. I can't live without you. I can't do this without you.' The tears rolled down his cheeks now.

It was quiet for a while before he chuckled.

'What is it?'

'You said I should share my feelings, so... feelings shared'

I smiled. 'I like feelings once in a while' I said as I caressed his cheeks with my thumbs, still smiling because of the referring joke he just made. 'You don't have to do it without me, Col. For all eternity, remember?' I showed my wedding ring to him while he nodded.

'But what if it doesn't last for long because of them?'

'Don't think like that. Sometimes you have to turn the page to realize there is more to your book of life than the page you're stuck on. Stop being afraid to move on. Close this chapter of hurt, and never re-read it again. It's time to get what your life deserves, and move on from the things that don't deserve you. Don't spend your days trying to correct your past, the things that are already written. Instead, let go and create a better future.'

'That's easy to say, but...'

'I know, sweetheart' I interrupted him before he could even finish his sentence. 'It's not wrong to be upset. It's not wrong to cry. It's not wrong to want attention. It's not even wrong to scream or throw a fit. What is wrong is to keep it all inside. It's wrong to blame and punish yourself for simply being human. It's wrong to never be heard and to be alone in your pain. You don't have to promise me to move on already, but please share it with me. Let it out.'

He smiled faintly. 'I'll try to open up a bit'

I wrapped my arms around his neck. 'Even after everything we've been through, I'm in love with you. Still head over heels and that will never change. I miss making you smile and feeling you close to me. I just miss my mister Irish and I know he is still in there' I said as I rested my hand on his chest.

He smiled as he covered my hand with his. He pressed a kiss to my cheek before he rested his forehead against mine. 'But one thing is for sure, love'

I quirked my eyebrow. 'What is?'

'With you I have everything'


	25. Little Pirate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains smut! If you don't like to read smut you can skip this chapter without missing on anything important.

**Colin's pov**

_A few weeks later_

I woke up by the early morning light on my face. I stretched out before turning around to my side and looked at Jennifer's back. Her beautiful blonde locks were draped over her pillow as her body gently moved up and down caused by her breathing. I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her waist as I buried my face in her neck and inhaled her scent.

She giggled. 'Your stubble is tickling me'

I pulled her even more firmly against me. We have been growing closer together over the last couple of weeks. It was sometimes still difficult to look for rapprochement, but it went better and better. We were slowly but surely becoming a family again.

She tried to turn around in my grip, but I held her tightly. 'You're not going anywhere' I whispered in her ear.

'Hmm, what do you want from me, captain?'

I quirked my eyebrow with a smile. 'Captain? That is a long time ago'

She managed to turn around and looked at me with a smile. 'I'm so glad that we got to know each other. I wouldn't want to know what my life would look like without you now.'

'At least without our little dragons'

'Do you think you would be with someone else if we had never kissed on the set?'

I quirked my eyebrow again. 'I don't know. I can't imagine myself with anyone else'

She pressed her lips to my cheek. 'I wanted to hear that. Do you regret anything?'

I shook my head. 'I never regretted that we came together. The only thing I regret is that we had sex before we had a relationship. Well... when you were in a relationship with Aiden'  **(A/N: a small reference to UNSCRIPTED)**

Our eyes found each other. 'You don't regret that'

'Regret is not the right word. I should have done it differently'

Her soft hand slipped over my upper arm. 'You didn't do anything wrong. I didn't want to reject you because...'

I playfully quirked my eyebrow. 'Because?'

'Because I can't and don't want to reject such a handsome man'

My hand slid across her spine to her bottom, which I stroked before I pulled her against me. I felt my half-hard manhood pressing against her center, which caused a groan to slip out of her mouth.

'Your little pirate...' she groaned

'I thought you said back then that he wasn't little' I whispered  **(A/N: another small reference to UNSCRIPTED)**

Her hands slid across my stomach to the edge of my boxer briefs. 'I haven't seen him in a while, so I can't remember it that clearly'

'He hasn't seen you in a while either. You should meet again'

She kissed me passionately as her hand slid over the back of my head where she played with the hair in my nape. 'I can't wait'

She felt my manhood through the fabric of my boxer briefs. 'It looks like he is wide awake'

My hands slid over her breasts and I gently massage them while my fingers were playing with her nipples.

'Wide awake and ready to use'

She pushed me on my back with a smile and lay on top of me. She only wore a top and her panties. Her nipples showed through the fabric, which made me even more aroused. I put my hand on the back of her head and pulled her into a loving kiss. Our hands slid over each other's body. I knew every spot of her body and knew exactly what she did and did not want and she knew about me too.

I felt her hands on the edge of my boxer briefs, but she seemed to be in doubt.

'What is it, love?'

She stared at me for a while. 'Do you think you're ready now? I don't want you to get another panic attack or...'

I interrupted her with another kiss. 'I'm ready. You are everything I want'

She brought her lips to my ear and bit softly in my earlobe. 'Fortunately, because I can't wait to feel your little pirate inside me'

'Little Minx' I growled

She moaned in my ear. 'Take me. Now'

Goosebumps spread across my body. 'As you wish, my love'

I turned her on her back and lay down beside her.

'What are you doing?' she complained

I pressed a kiss to her cheek. 'A little impatient, aren't we?'

She pushed irritated against my chest as she pouted her lip. 'But I'm cold'

I laughed before I pressed my lips to hers. 'Little Princess' I hooked my thumbs around her panties before I pulled it down in one jerk and lay down on her.

'Still cold?'

She shook her head as her hands slid down my back. 'No, but you wear too much clothing'

I grinned as I released myself from my boxer briefs. 'Better?'

'Much better'

I lined up myself in front of her entrance and gently pushed the tip of my manhood against her. She pushed a bit against my abdomen to prevent me from sliding inside.

'Don't you want to?'

'I want nothing more'

I moved her hands from my abdomen to my back and let myself slide into her. She grabbed the sheets with her hands as she pushed her head further into the pillow. 'I missed this' she groaned in pleasure.

I gently thrust in and out until we found a nice and steady rhythm for both of us. She clung her arms around me, afraid to let me go. A few weeks ago it had frightened me, but it felt good to finally be back in her arms.

I noticed by the way she was breathing that she almost reached her peak. 'Relax, love. Let it go'. That was all she needed. I felt her walls contract around my manhood as she milked me dry.

She wrapped her arms around me while a tear ran down her cheeks.

'Did I hurt you?' I asked a bit worried.

'No, everything except. I just enjoyed being one with you again and I feel happier than ever'

'Mommy! Daddy! Are you awake?' Ivy shouted from her room.

My eyes widened as Jennifer laughed. 'I hope she didn't...'

She shook her head. 'And otherwise, we'll find an excuse. Her dad is becoming such an old man that he sometimes groans in his sleep'

I gave her a playful slap on her ass. 'Don't you dare'

We quickly put on some clothes and lay in bed again before Ivy entered the bedroom. I wrapped my arm around Jennifer and kissed her temple.

'Happy Mother's Day, love'


	26. Home Is Not A Place

**Jen's pov**

I woke up from a cold shiver over my body. I rolled over to Colin's side so I could cuddle with my husband, but to my surprise, he was not in bed with me. I looked at the alarm clock and saw that it was in the middle of the night.

Things went better with Colin since his kidnapping, but he sometimes had still problems with his panic attacks. I pushed the blankets away from me and put on my bathrobe. I quickly glanced at our children's rooms, but they were both sleeping peacefully. I walked downstairs where it was very dark.

'Colin?' I whispered loud enough

No answer. My hard started pounding in my throat.

'Colin?' I tried again.

_Not again, not again..._

I searched the entire ground floor, but couldn't find him anywhere. I felt the tears burning in my eyes when I suddenly heard something behind me.

'Colin?' I asked surprised

'Jen! You scared the hell out of me'

The tears rolled down my cheeks as I quickly walked towards him and embraced him.

'What's wrong, darling?' he asked worried as he wiped the tears from my cheeks

'I thought you were gone again...' I stammered

His facial expression became softer. 'I'm not going anywhere'

I buried my face in his neck while I let my tears drop down. Softly, he stroked the back of my head. 'Shh... I'm still there' he tried to calm me down.

'I know... I know...'

I felt my heart rate drop and the sobbing became less intense. I lifted my head from his shoulder and stared at him. 'Sorry... I... I panicked when I couldn't find you'

He looked at me with a worried look on his face and stroked a strand of hair from my face. 'No worries. It has not only had an impact on me but also on you'

I nodded. I had never admitted how much it had done to me and how I felt all that time, but it had indeed had a lot of impact on all of us.

He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me tightly against his body again. I felt my body relaxing as he hugged me. We just stood there for a couple of minutes, enjoying each others company in the dark living room.

'Are you okay?' he asked after a while.

'I'm okay now'

He guided me to the couch and gestured to sit down.

'Remember the day we first talked to each other?'

I nodded. 'You were shy, but I already found you the kindest and funniest guy on the set'

He smiled. 'I fell in love with you because of the hundred things you never know you were doing'

I quirked my eyebrow. 'What kind of things?'

'Your adorable laugh when you find something really funny'

I grinned. 'That's just a stupid laugh'

'No, you're always so happy and kind. That's one of the things that makes you so beautiful'

I felt my cheeks flushing red. 'What did I do to deserve all those sweet words?'

'Because I'm so lucky to have a woman like you by my side'

'Colin...'

'No, let me finish. You're the kindest, most pure, most beautiful person I know. Don't ever, ever be afraid that I'll leave you.'

I grabbed his face between my hands and kissed him passionately. He parted his lips from mine and stared at me.

'What?'

'I think it's good for the two of us if we go on a holiday for a while'

'But, Mason...'

'We don't have to leave right away.'

It sounded like music to my ears. We could all use some relaxation, so I nodded in agreement

The expression on his face told me everything. 'Let me guess... Ireland?'

He shrugged his shoulders with a smile. 'If you don't mind...'

I pressed my lips to his again. 'Of course not. It's your home and I would love to go there with you again. I really love Ireland.'

We both yawned as I stood up to go to bed again, but he grabbed my hand before I could walk away. 'Jen... Ireland isn't my home.'

I stared at him, slightly confused.

'You are' 


	27. Why

**Colin's pov**

I inhaled the fresh air deep into my lungs as we walked out of the airport with the four of us.

'Daddy, where are we?' Ivy asked as she held up her arms as a sign for me to lift her up. I knelt beside her and lifted her in my arms.

'Ireland. I was born and raised here'

'Why?'

I laughed at her typical children's logic. 'Because my mom and dad live here'

'Can I finally see my other grandpa and grandma again?' she asked enthusiastically

I nodded as I turned to Jennifer who was holding Mason in her arms. We decided to spend a long vacation in Ireland to spend time together, but also to see my family again and to relax a bit. My family had only seen Mason on pictures, so I could not wait to show him to everyone. 'Ready?' I asked as I wrapped an arm around her.

She smiled. 'I'm always a bit nervous when we're here'

'Why?'

She shrugged her shoulders. 'Your family is perfect, Ireland is perfect and I'm just a boring American'

'You're not boring' Ivy interrupted

I gently wiped some hairs from Ivy's beautiful, sleepy face. Her bright blue eyes absorbing the surroundings with admiration.

'Am I Irish too?'

'You are half Irish, little one'

She stared at me with a confused look on her face. 'Are you completely Irish?'

'Yes, but because your mother is American, you are half American and half Irish'

She nodded understandingly. 'I have the best of both' she said proudly

I pressed a kiss to her forehead before I put her on down again. She looked at me with displeasure and put her arms back in the air. 'Daddy, you have to carry me'

I grabbed her by her waist and swung her over my head. She screamed and laughed with enthusiasm. I put her on my shoulders. 'Hold on tightly'

'Yes daddy, I will'

I felt her little hands resting on my head, while her legs were gently clamping around my neck and shoulders. 'Are you good there?'

'Yes!'

I turned back to Jennifer, who had looked at us with a big smile. 'Shall we, love?'

She nodded but kept staring at me.

I quirked my eyebrow as I stooped to pick up our things. 'What?'

'It's just so nice to see you with kids. I think a lot of children would want you as a father "

'But he is mine' Ivy said as she pouted her lip

'And Mason's' Jennifer added

'But he was mine first'

She stood beside me, put her hand on my ass and squeezed softly. 'I saw him first, so actually, he is mine'

'Ladies, ladies... there is enough room in my heart for the three of you' I said laughing

After a ride of half an hour, we arrived at my house in Ireland. I had once thought of selling the house, but I could not do it. Renting out the house felt like a better option, in case we would ever move to Ireland or simply go on vacation there. The houses and surroundings in Ireland are very different from those in the United States and that was, besides my family, what I missed the most about living there.

'Why don't you live here anymore?' Ivy asked when she removed her backpack and handed it to me.

'I lived here before I started working with your mother'

'Why did you leave it?'

Ivy had clearly arrived in the 'why'-phase of her life. She could fill days with the question why something was like that or why a goat was a goat and not a sheep. I knew that it's just out of curiosity and that in this way toddlers try to discover the world bit by bit, but sometimes it was very annoying.

'Your mother and I began to love each other and when we married we decided to live together in the United States.'

'Why not here?'

'Ivy... it's just the way it is'

'But I want to know why daddy' 

'I know, you always want to know why. I fell in love with your mother and I stayed there. End of story' I said more irritated than I intended.

Her eyes were full of tears. She looked at me for a moment and then climbed her way up the stairs. 'Ivy...' I tried, but she kept going. She was not allowed to go up the stairs all by herself, but with the ease she climbed it, it became clear that she had done it more often.

I turned around and saw Jennifer's angry face. 'Well done, buddy' she said sarcastically. She gave me another angry look before she walked past me.

A sense of guilt crept over me. I decided to go upstairs and see where she had gone. The further I got up, the louder I heard her sob. She sat with her back against one of the doors in the hall, her legs pulled up and her face buried in her arms.

'Why are you here?'

'I ran upstairs, but I don't know where my bedroom is' she sobbed loudly

I sat on the floor next to her and wrapped my arm around her. She tried to push me away at first but admitted my embrace eventually. 'I'm sorry, little one' I whispered in her hair.

'I thought you didn't like me anymore'

I lifted her up and put her on my lap so that I could look at her. 'Fathers always love their little girls, whatever they do'

She bit her bottom lip while a tear rolled down her cheek. 'But I didn't do anything wrong...'

I wiped the tears gently from her cheek and caressed her little face with my thumb. 'You did nothing wrong, love. I was a little grumpy, but I should never have commented like this.'

She leaned forward and rested her head on my shoulder. 'Are we best friends again?' she whispered in my ear. 

I saw that her eyes were heavy and that she had trouble staying awake. 'Are you still angry with me, Ivy?'

She tried to shake her head. 'I'm not angry. Will you be my best friend again?' 

'Always, little one. Always' 

I rocked her gently back and forth in my arms until she fell asleep. Eventually, my eyes became heavy as well. After a short power nap, I woke up from the sound of Jennifer who walked up the stairs. She smiled when she saw me sitting against the door with a sleeping Ivy on my lap. She sat down at the top of the stairs and looked at me for a while. 'What happened? You never react this way and certainly not to her'

I shrugged my shoulders. 'I don't know what got into me. I was a bit grumpy because of the long flight and her eternal why-questions were too much for me.'

She quirked her eyebrow. 'A little grumpy?'

I rolled my eyes. 'Just grumpy'

'Did you talk it out with her?'

'Yes, she thought I didn't like her anymore'

'Just be a little extra kind to her then' she pushed herself up. 'Can you wake her up? We still need to eat something'

I nodded, then she walked downstairs. 'Ivy...' No reaction. 

'Ivy...' She muttered irritably. 

'Ivy, wake up sweetheart'

'Why?'

I grinned at the irony in that question. 'We are going to eat something'

She looked at me, confused and with her sleepy eyes. 'Daddy...' she said questioningly

'What is it?'

'I love you'

My heart melted and I pressed her even more firmly against me. 'I love you too, princess'


	28. Happy Father's Day

**Jen's pov**

I smiled as I looked at my little girl. She sat at the kitchen table, coloring as if her life depended on it. Sometimes I wondered what she is going to be and what she is going to do. I am sure that a lot of those directions go back to what kind of father a child had. I walked towards Ivy and saw that she was coloring for Colin. The best dad a little girl can wish for.

'What are you drawing, honey?' I asked as I sat down next to her.

She smiled proudly as she showed me her drawing. 'It's a guitar, mom!'

'It looks beautiful, Ivy! Is it for your dad?'

She nodded as she stuck out her tongue while picking her next color. She grabbed a dark blue color from which I knew Colin loves it. 'It's a present for Father's Day'

I pressed a kiss to her head. 'I'm sure he will love it!'

'I wish I could buy him a real guitar' she said without looking up from the paper. Her tongue still a bit out of her mouth while she is focused on her drawing.

'I'm sure that daddy loves your drawing more than a real guitar'

I got up and walked to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Colin was the kind of man who knows how to impress during Mother's Day and arranged gifts that Ivy could give to me, he made the most delicious breakfast and prepared me a bath in the evening, which we enjoyed together. I smiled at the thought of our beautiful life together, while I was cutting the strawberries. It was certainly not the perfect life, but the fact that he is always by my side makes it perfect enough for me. Throughout the years I have learned that it is not always obvious to have a good and caring husband and day by day I am becoming more and more aware of how happy and grateful I am with Colin in my life.

I smiled at Ivy who was still coloring. The little girl he loves so much and the little girl who loves him so much. She looked up and waved at me with a big smile on her face. Ivy's cheerfulness and kindness was something that many people would envy. She jumped off the chair and walked towards the kitchen, where she pushed the stool next to me and stood on it.

'May I help?'

I rubbed through her blonde hair with my hand. 'Of course. What do you think daddy likes to eat?'

She smiled proudly. 'Pancakes'

I shook my head, laughing. The whole fuss about the pancakes continued to haunt us and, to be honest, I still liked it. It reminded me of our time together at Once which was such an important part of our lives. Together we made the pancakes and we had the greatest fun in the kitchen. Ivy was a real daddy's girl, but she could also enjoy it to do nice things together with me. In the weeks that Colin was kidnapped, we have grown closer together and our bond has certainly improved. I put the pancakes on a plate and put them on the kitchen table. Colin entered the living room with sleepy eyes and Mason on his left hip.

'Goodmorning beautiful'

I smiled and pressed a kiss to his cheek. 'Goodmorning handsome. Happy Father's Day! "

Ivy ran to Colin with her arms wide open. 'Daddy!'

He lifted her up in his other arm and rested her on his right hip. 'Happy Father's Day to the sweetest dad!' she babbled as she pressed wet kisses to his cheeks. Colin clearly enjoyed the love he received from his daughter. 

I took Mason from him and put him in his crib. Ivy had already claimed Colin entirely and had wrapped her arms around his neck. She suddenly seemed to realize that she had forgotten something and gestured that she wanted to be put on the floor. She quickly ran to the table and picked up the paper she was so busy with a few minutes ago. 'Look, daddy! I made this for you!' she said proudly as she handed him the paper.

Colin sat on his knees beside her and grabbed the drawing. For a girl of her age, it looked very nice. He smiled gratefully and kissed her forehead. 'Thank you, honey, it is beautiful'

He got up and I wrapped my arm around his waist to guide him to the kitchen table. Before he took a seat he pressed a kiss to my cheek. 'It looks delicious, Jen'

'Ivy helped me very well'

She nodded proudly. 'Yes! Superheroes must eat very well'

He raised his eyebrow with a smile. 'Superheroes?'

'You're a superhero, daddy'


	29. Anniversary (Part 1)

**Colin's pov**

'Are you sure you can handle them?' I asked before we left my parents' house.

My mom nodded enthusiastically. 'Of course. We handled you and your brother. We can take care of two little angels' she said as she winked at Jennifer. After she busted her with Jack in the hotel room in Italy, things were a little awkward between my mother and her. I, as perceptive as I am, noticed and explained everything to clear things up.

Jen snorted. 'They're definitely not angels all the time'

My mother laughed as she gently pushed us outside. 'You guys should enjoy your anniversary together'

I smiled as my gaze met Jennifer's. Six years ago we married each other and time was flying since then. I let her into my world and then she became it. It feels like everything in my life has led me to her. My choices, my heartbreaks, my regrets. Everything. And every minute that we are together my past seems worth it. Because if I had done one thing differently, I might never have met her.

She looped her arm through mine and I guided her towards my car. We waved my mother goodbye before we stepped in and started the engine. When we reached the end of the street I rested my hand on her thigh.

'Colin...'

I quirked my eyebrow as I looked sideways. 'What?'

'You're driving'

A smirk appeared on my face. 'I can park the car if you want me to'

She shook her head as she laughed. 'Just drive us home, dork'

After a couple of minutes of driving, I parked the car in front of a beautiful hotel. I shut the engine down and looked at her. 'What's wrong? Why did you go here?' she asked as she looked back at me.

I smiled as I wiped a strand of hair from her face and tugged it behind her ear. 'First of all, you look stunning. Secondly, we're here because you deserve it and we could use some time alone.'  I stared into her beautiful eyes. 'What are you thinking of?' I whispered as I rested my forehead against hers.

'Do you remember that conversation we had in the parking lot when we started to share our feelings?'  **(A/N: Unscripted chapter 8)**

I shook my head. 'I guess I don't'

'You pressed me against your car and kissed me. I told you that I liked you but that I rather wanted to have you as a friend my whole life than as a boyfriend for a few years.'

'You were so in doubt' I said as I smiled at the thought of these memories. 'And look at us now' I continued.

'And you're still my best friend and I can't imagine a life without you' she said as she covered my hand with hers.

'Do you remember our date during one of our last conventions?'  **(A/N: Unscripted chapter 42)**

She nodded. 'Of course I do. I wanted to go out for dinner but we ended up with room service in your hotel room'

'Do you remember what I told you back then?'

She thought about it but eventually shook her head. 'Not exactly'

'I told you that I will be your protection, your listening ear, and your safety when you're feeling down. That I will love, cherish, honor and respect you and that I'll never make you feel like you're not wanted'

She smiled as I spoke the words out loud again. 'You kept your promise'

'And I told you that even when we're old and shriveled, I will always love you'

A tear rolled down her cheek as she stared out of the car window. 'Why are you doing this?'

I grabbed her face between my hands and kissed her. 'Not here. Inside' I whispered before we got out of the car and headed into the hotel.

Not much later, I escorted her to the most beautiful hotel room we had ever seen. The room was huge and from the bathtub you had a beautiful view of the green surroundings of the hotel. It was very relaxing and exactly what we needed. 'Colin, this is...' She couldn't come up with the right words to describe what she saw.

'It's nice here, isn't it?'

'Nice is an understatement. Have you been here before?'

I shook my head as I took off my shoes and lay down on the bed. 'My brother has been here before'. I said as I tapped beside me on the bed as a gesture for her to lie next to me. An offer that she clearly liked, so she also took off her shoes. She laid down next to me as she put her head on my chest and wrapped her arm around me. I curled my fingers through her hair with my left hand and I caressed her arm with my other hand.

'A few years ago we couldn't keep our hands off each other'

She raised her eyebrow as she pushed herself up and leaned on my chest to stare at me. 'I still can't keep my hands off you, Mr. Irish'

I pressed my lips to hers and pulled her further on top of me. My firm, warm hands slipped under her shirt over her spine towards her neck. I moaned as she put more pressure on my manhood with her hips.

'Jen...' I murmured

'What?'

'If you don't intend to continue this, I advise you to stop now' I growled in her ear.

She giggled as she brought her lips to my ear. 'Who says I have the intention to stop?'

'You really are a tease' I laughed while I sat up and she ended up in my lap. She wrapped her arms around my neck and curled her hands through my messy hair.

'I love our children very much, but sometimes I miss the moments like this. Just you and me, nobody else'

I smiled in agreement. 'Me too darling. Let's just enjoy this moment to the fullest.'

My hands slid over her back to her ass, which I then grabbed. She clearly thought I was just to tease her, but suddenly I got up. She could no longer suppress a scream. 'Colin! What are you doing ?!' she giggled nervously. I walked us towards the bathroom with a big smile on my face and gently placed her on the edge of the bathtub. I leaned forward to open the tap and abused the situation by kissing her neck. 'You're a bit dirty, Mrs. O'Donoghue. I think you should take a bath.'

Her arms were still wrapped around my neck when she stood up and pressed her body against me. 'You have to help me, Mr. O'Donoghue. I think I can't do it alone '

My hands slipped under her shirt and cupped her breasts. 'I always help a woman in need.' I pulled off her shirt and bra before she could even respond. My own shirt followed quickly after which I pulled her firmly against me again. I felt her soft breasts against my chest. She fiddled with her fingers on my belt before she loosened it and unbuttoned my pants, which I then pulled out myself. She laughed as she stared at my boxer briefs which showed how turned on I already was. She cupped my manhood through my boxer briefs and pressed her lips to mine. 'Somebody is enjoying this' she whispered to my lips.

I smiled as my hands slid to her pants. 'I can't help it that my wife is beautiful and such a temptress.' Within a minute or so, her pants and our underwear were on the pile of clothes that had formed in the corner of the bathroom. I pulled her back against my warm, naked body.

I bent forward and lifted her in wedding style. I walked us back towards the bathtub and slowly let her down in the water.


	30. Anniversary (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one contains smut! If you don't want to read it, but don't want to miss on anything then you can move to the paragraph that starts after the ✰.

**Jen's pov**

The warm water in the bathtub felt wonderful on my warm skin. I gestured to Colin that he should join me. Despite the fact that the bathtub was a bit small, we managed to fit in with the two of us. He sat with his feet beside me, while I sat with my feet between his legs. I sighed at the lack of touch. He began to chuckle. 'What?' I asked irritated, but that only made him laugh even more.

'What's so funny?'

'The face you have when something doesn't go like you planned it.'

I quirked my eyebrow. 'What do you mean?'

'Ah, come on. We both know that it always ends in sex when we take a bath together.'

'I can bathe with you without having sex' I said as I crossed my arms over my breasts.  _Lie number 1_.

'Is that so?'

'Yes!'  _Lie number 2_

'Prove it then'

'Okay, sir cocky. What do you want me to do?'

He tickled with his fingers under my foot, causing my leg to shoot upwards in a spastic motion. 'Toddler!'

'You stay in this bath with me for at least 30 minutes without making an attempt to have sex or anything that looks like it'

_Fuck, 30 minutes is long._  'Fine. A piece of cake.'  _Lie number 3._

The minutes slowly but surely passed by, but there was a clear sense of tension and I saw that he had a hard time as well. Literally. Under the water, I slowly moved my left foot to his thigh, which I began to caress with it. A groan escaped from his mouth.

'Jen...'

Now I was the one who started to laugh as I moved my foot more upwards. 'What's wrong, honey?'

'Temptress' he muttered

'You didn't say anything about the use of feet...' I began as my foot rubbed his hard manhood. His eyes rolled back in his head as I exerted more pressure.

'Fuck...'

I shrugged my shoulders laughing. 'That's not what we are going to do. We had a bet, remember?'

He growled something unintelligible and moved to his knees.

'What are you going to do?' I asked surprised.

'Fuck our bet' he growled as he sat between my legs. He leaned his head back to rest on my shoulders, and he moved my hands to his hard cock. 'I can't wait any longer'

I started to gently move my hands up and down his shaft as I pressed kisses on his face. His hand slid over my thigh towards my most sensitive spot, but he just couldn't reach it from this position.

'Colin...' I growled frustrated.

He moved back to his side of the bath and gestured for me to sit between his legs. I willingly obeyed and felt his strong arms around me. His hands slid over my breasts with which he played for a moment before he slid down further. He played my clit with a firm pressure and that was almost enough to reach a climax. Just before this happened, he removed his fingers from my clit and gently pushed two inside of me.

'Damnit...' I groaned disappointed, but it took him no more than a few thrusts with his fingers to make me reach my peak. My head fell back on his shoulder as I tried to catch my breath. He pressed a few sloppy kisses on my cheek. 'Are you okay?' he whispered, my eyes wandering to the beautiful view we had from the bathtub.

'More than okay, actually'

His hands wandered off to my hips, where he pressed with his hands as a sign for me to lift myself up a bit. I pushed myself up on the edge of the bathtub and he carefully moved underneath me. With my right hand I tried to keep my balance while my left hand reached for his hard cock.

Slowly, I lowered herself down onto him. I moaned as I felt him inside me, stretching my walls. He groaned in pleasure as I started to move up and down his shaft. The water splashed over the edge of the bathtub while I increased the pace and squeezed my muscles around his manhood. I felt my orgasm nearing as I kept riding him and I felt that he was close too. I kept sliding up and down and grinding against him as I finally reached my climax. I collapsed on top of him as he reached his peak as well. I gently let him slide out of me and took place between his legs again. I rested the back of my head on his chest as he let his hand curl through my hair and wrapped his other arm around me.

'You are and always will be perfect' he whispered

I caressed his leg with my fingers while I closed my eyes to enjoy the moment. No screaming or bouncing children, just Colin and I and the beautiful view.

'You did not make it' His voice woke me from my thoughts.

'What do you mean?'

'The 30 minutes without sex'

I slapped his knee, which caused more water to splash over the edge. 'You said we'd skip the bet!'

'We both know that you didn't make it anyway'

I moved a bit forward in the bathtub. 'Asshole!'

He smiled as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me back to him. 'I'm only teasing you. We both can't do it and there is nothing wrong with that. '

'You aren't really as attractive as you think'  _Lie number 4_

He pouted his lip and looked at me with a sad look in his eyes. I lowered my back down on his chest again. 'You are even more attractive than you think'

✰

We enjoyed each other for a few minutes, but in the end I started to shiver from the cold. The water had cooled down by now, but even his warm body couldn't keep me warm.

We decided to go out of the bath and enjoy the rest of the evening. Colin threw a towel at me, which I then dried myself with. When I wanted to get dressed, I realized that we hadn't taken anything with us.

'We didn't bring any stuff...'

'I packed some things for you, but the bags are still in the car. Don't worry, I'm going to get it for you.'

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. 'You're a sweetheart'

He quickly put on the clothes that he was wearing today and hurried himself to the car. I put on a bathrobe and sat down on the king-sized bed. Even from the bed we could enjoy a beautiful view. Colin was always very enthusiastic about Ireland and every time we came here I understood even more why. Ireland really is beautiful. I turned on the television and started to zap a little, looking for something nice that we could watch. When I finally found a nice movie, I noticed that he had been gone for 15 minutes. I called him but heard his iPhone ring in the bathroom. I grabbed the entry-card of our hotel room and decided to go downstairs to take a look. Once downstairs I saw that the trunk of the car was open, but Colin was nowhere to be seen...


	31. Never Leave Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning again... Contains smut! If you don't like or want to read smut then you can read until the ✰

**Jen's pov**

Once downstairs I saw that the trunk of the car was open, but Colin was nowhere to be seen... **  
**

I hurried to the car and began to look around me in panic. 'Colin?' No answer. I looked at both sides of the street, but couldn't notice anything suspicious. 'Colin?' I tried again, but this time even more panicked. The tears welled up in my eyes and I had to keep myself together in order not to end up in a panic attack. I sat down at the edge of the trunk and buried my face in my hands.

'Not again...' my voice was barely audible. I just found him again. I couldn't lose him now.

'Are you looking for me, Princess?' a heavy man's voice sounded from the back seat.

I looked up in surprise. 'Colin! I was frightened to death!'

The tears started to flow even harder. He climbed out of the car and sat down next to me. I rested my head on his shoulder and sobbed loudly. He laid his head gently on mine and stroked my face with his fingers as he grabbed my other hand.

'I'm sorry, honey, I didn't hear you'

My sobs changed into a hysterical and ugly cry. The tension of the past months seemed to jump out of my body all at once. Colin wrapped his arms around my trembling body and pulled me closer to him. 'Ssh...' he whispered softly in my hair.

'I was so scared...' My voice trembled.

'Jen...' I was still staring down. 'Jen...' he said more insistently as he lifted my chin with his finger and wiped my tears off my face. 'Don't worry.'

'But I do worry... I care for you.'

He looked down at me while his arms were still wrapped around me. I stared into his eyes as he caressed my cheek tenderly. 'I love you' he stated.

My heart beat rapidly within my chest as I replayed the words in my head. Even though I knew that he loved me, I always feared that it will change one day. I wasn't sure when I began to love him, but I was sure I did, deeply.

'I said, I love you' he repeated with a smile on his face.

A wide smile spread across my lips as well as I captured his lips. I grabbed onto his muscular arms, trying to steady myself a bit. He moved his lips softly against mine. Our lips moved in perfect sync like we were always meant to be together. My heart started to beat faster in my chest as my lungs were struggling for breath.

'I love you' he repeated once again.

I realized I hadn't said it back to him. I bit my lip as my thoughts wandered off again. I had never said such words to anyone except him. My eyes got drawn back to his blue ones.

'I love you too' I breathed out. Our lips connected once again as I kissed him deeply, pouring every ounce of love into him. My body was desperate to feel more of him and he noticed or felt the same. He gently picked me up as a giggle escaped my mouth. My legs wound around his waist automatically as he started to walk back to the hotel

'Colin! I'm only wearing a bathrobe...'

'That I noticed' he said as a smirk appeared on his face.

'That's exactly what I meant... Maybe someone else will notice that I'm wearing nothing else!'

He gently placed me down as he gazed into my eyes. 'You're so beautiful'

Heat burned my cheeks as I tried to control my breathing again. The look in his eyes was too much to handle right now. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him again. 'Please take me upstairs' I whispered and he willingly obeyed. 

✰

Once we were back in the hotel room, he laid me down on the bed and I pulled him down for another kiss. I deepened the kiss as my tongue started dancing with his. It clearly wasn't the first time, but nerves increased as his hand began to wander over my body. His hands slid over my sides before they traveled to my breasts.

His lips parted from mine to travel to the crook of my neck. I moaned as he pressed kisses against my heated skin. He groaned as he pulled away and moved to another spot. 'I love you so fucking much...' he mumbled

A moan of pleasure escaped my lips as he grasped my breasts in his hands. His thumbs stroked over my already hardened nipples. The simplest touch of him had such an impact on my body and it started to ache for more.

'Colin' I whimpered as I thrust my hips to feel him. I felt his hardness pressing into me. 'Please...' I needed all of him. I couldn't keep the smile off my face as he stared at me. I leaned up on my elbows to press a quick but gentle kiss to his lips. He deepened the kiss as he gently pushed me back down. The need between the two of us became more noticeable. His hands slid over my body before he loosened the string that held my bathrobe together. He stopped for a second and stared at me.

'What?'

'You're just incredibly stunning'

My cheeks flushed red again. 'You're too good for this world, O'Donoghue' I said as I pulled him closer by wrapping my arms around his neck. My breath hitched in my throat as I felt his hand grazing my wet lips. He teased me as he avoided my most sensitive part. My legs trembled and the desire of him inside me increased with every touch. Colin had other plans. He moved his finger back up towards my clit. I sighed in frustration. 'Colin, please.'

He moved his hand and encircled my hard nipple with his mouth. His tongue aroused me even more as my hands dived into his hair. His hand traveled down my body to my most sensitive area.

'Co...' I cut myself off with a moan at the feeling of his finger deep inside me. I buckled my hips searching for more pleasure. He stopped playing with my nipple as he smiled at me. 'Easy, love' 

He slowly pulled off my bathrobe and for a moment I felt too exposed so I covered a part of my body with my arms. He noticed and covered my hands with his.

'You have nothing to be embarrassed about' His hands slid over my belly where the marks of the pregnancies were still visible. 'You're beautiful and there is nothing I haven't seen before.'

Tears burned my eyes at his sweet words. My heart swelling with love as I stared at him. 'You're amazing. You know that, right?'

He smirked before he kissed me. 'Now I do'

I looked at him. Taking every inch of my beautiful husband in. Memorizing every line of his body and face. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my lips as I felt his hard shaft sliding inside me. I wrapped my legs around his waist, causing him to enter me much deeper. I grasped onto the sheets as his thrusts struck me over and over. My skin became hotter and my moans became louder and louder. I softly bit his shoulder as I reached my climax. Colin's pace never died down as he continued pounding into me. His hands held my hips to keep me in place. His thrusts became harder and harder. Within a matter of time, he groaned loudly and thrust sharply into me as I felt the warmth seep into me. 

He was still on top of me while we both tried to catch our breaths. 'That was...' I started, but I wasn't able to make whole sentences. He smiled as he pressed his lips to mine again, his fingers sliding over my cheeks. 'Amazing?' he asked as he rolled off me. I nodded before I rolled to my side and rested my head on his chest. 

We lay there for a while and cuddled together. There was no place where I wanted to be more than in the warm, strong arms of my husband.

I looked up and saw that his eyes were closed. 'Colin?'

'Hm?' His eyes remained closed.

'Please never leave me'

He opened his eyes and pulled me even more firmly against him. 'I love you forever and we grow old together, remember?' ( **A/N: Unscripted chapter 53** )

I nodded and within a few seconds we drifted off to sleep.


	32. Her Handsome Cowboy

**Colin's pov**

The next morning I woke up with a smile stuck on my face. I opened my eyes and smiled, even more, when I saw Jennifer's head resting on my chest. She peacefully breathed in and out. I played with my fingers through her blonde locks and gently massaged her scalp. Just after my kidnapping, it was the only way to calm her down at night when she had her nightmares.

A smile appeared on her lips. 'Good morning handsome'

I pressed a kiss to her hair. 'Good morning beautiful'

She slowly opened her eyes and stared straight ahead, her finger circling over my abdomen. 'What are you thinking of?' I asked curiously.

'How frightened I was yesterday and how quickly you made me forget that'

I pulled her even closer to me. 'I'm sorry that had to happen.'

A faint smile appeared on her face. 'It's okay. I'm just glad you're still here'. She rolled over to her other side so her back was facing me. I rolled over as well and closed the gap between us by spooning behind her.

'When do we have to go back to the kids?'

I pressed my lips to the crook of her neck. 'Not today'

Her eyes widened. 'What? Why not?'

'My mom offered to babysit for some more days, so I arranged some more time at the hotel. That's why it took me so long yesterday but I wanted it to be a surprise.'

She turned in my arms and looked at me. 'Can't we stay here forever? Together in this perfect hotel room. Just you and me.'

I smiled as I wiped a strand of hair from her face with my thumb. 'We have children to take care of, Jen.'

She sighed. 'I know, but sometimes I miss the time we had with just the two of us'

I raised my eyebrow questioningly. 'Do you regret it? Would you rather have children later or not at all?'

She grabbed my face between her hands and stroked my stubble with her thumbs. 'The most beautiful man on earth is the father of my children. How can I ever regret that?'

I pressed a kiss to her head. 'Because you deserve the world'

Jennifer smiled as she crept closer to my body. 'You're so cheesy'.

I gave her a playful slap on her ass. 'You better watch what you say, lady. I can always change what I had in mind for today'

She pushed herself up and leaned on her arm. 'What are we going to do today?'

I quickly pecked her lips and stood up. 'Dress yourself in a long, not too tight pants and put on your boots.'

'What are we going to do, O'Donoghue? You know I don't like this' she muttered as she stepped out of bed and started gathering her clothes.

I grabbed the first long pants that I could find and pulled them on. While I was fastening my belt, I turned to her. 'Have I ever let you do something you don't like?'

She didn't answer my question right away but went on to find the right clothes. When she was dressed she looked at herself in the mirror. I stood behind her, wrapped my arms around her body and looked at her reflection. 'Perfect' I whispered softly in her ear.

'You look pretty good too, sir'

I looked doubtfully at our reflection and raised my eyebrow. 'Something is missing'

Jennifer looked at me in amazement. 'What is missing?'

'This' I said as I put a cowboy hat on her head and placed one on my head as well.

'What are we going to do, cowboy?' she asked as she wrapped her arms around my neck and looked intently at me. She knew only too well how she had to get information from me. I escorted her to the large window in our bedroom and opened the curtains. She looked at what was going on outside, but her enthusiastic gaze changed quickly. 'I only see two horses'

'Exactly'

She looked outside again and then back to me. 'Are we going to ride on those horses?'

'If you dare'

'Of course!' She said happily before she pressed her lips to mine. 'How did you know I wanted to do this?'

'Your sister gave me a little hint. She said that a trip with horses has been on your bucket list for years, but that you never had the time to do it. Now that we're alone I thought that a two days trip might be a nice thing to do.'

Her eyes widened in surprise. 'Two days?'

I nodded. 'We leave in fifteen minutes with a professional rider. Around the evening we set up a camp where we eat and spend the night. Tomorrow we will return to the hotel by taking a different route and we'll arrive back here in the evening. '

'And then we have to pick up the children?'

I wrapped my arms around her waist and let my hands slide to her ass. 'No, then we take a wonderful bath and make love all night before we pick up our little dragons. Sounds like a plan, right?'

'Actually, that sounds like the best plan ever' she said while sliding her hands under my shirt and gently kissing me. She deepened the kiss and pushed her body more firmly against mine.

'Hm, Jen... We'll have to leave in a few minutes' I mumbled between kisses.

She gently pushed me away. 'I know. I know. You're just... irresistible.' She leaned forward again to kiss me, but I gently stopped her. 'Jen...'

She pouted her lip. 'Colin... can't we leave a little later?'

'What do you want to do then?'

Before I could answer, I bent forward and threw her over my shoulder. A scream escaped her mouth. 'Colin! What are you doing?'

'As I said earlier, my lovely wife, we have to go. The cowboys are waiting for us'

She laughed hard as she slapped my ass. 'Come on horse!' she giggled as she slapped my ass a few more times.

I jumped up carefully and neighed. 'Oh cowgirl, I'm on my way!'

Before I would fall, I put her back on the floor. She wrapped her arm around my neck and straightened my cowboy hat with her other hand. 'One thing is for sure...' she began.

I raised my eyebrow. 'What is for sure?'

'You're my handsome cowboy'


	33. Forever

**Jen's pov**

Although I really wanted to ride the horses, I was a little nervous about this trip. I intertwined my fingers with Colin's before we left the hotel and walked to the ranch side. A smile appeared on his face as he gently stroked the top of my hand with his thumb. Every time I looked at him, I wondered why I deserved it to be this lucky. He not only looks incredibly handsome, but he is also the best father for our children. Every day I fell a bit more in love with this man and that felt impossible given the fact that we have been together for years.

'What are you thinking about?' He looked doubtfully at my face.

'I'm thinking about us... about you'

He stopped and pulled me towards him. 'Are you still in love?' he asked out of nowhere as if he could read my thoughts.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pecked his lips. 'Of course, idiot!'

He stared in the distance while he wrapped his arms around me. 'Sometimes I wish I had kissed you earlier' he confessed

'Why?'

'It's hard to see the person you love... love someone else'

My eyes widened. 'When did you start loving me?'

A shy smile appeared on his lips. 'Since the moment I first laid eyes on you'

'You're a hopeless romantic, you know that right?' I said as I caressed his cheek with my thumb.

'Let's go ride those horses, love'

With some things he did, he was very much like his role on Once Upon a Time. It always made me laugh because sometimes he did not realize how much he actually acted like Killian Jones. 'Aye, Captain. Let's do that!' He slapped my ass playfully while laughing before he wrapped his arm around me and together we walked to the horses.

Once we arrived at the horses we were told what the purpose of this trip was. We would ride to Tor Head to enjoy the beautiful surroundings. There, somewhere in the hilly landscape, a tent would be waiting for us where we could spend the night. The whole trip was led by a cowboy. I always saw a cowboy as a man of around 50 years with a huge mustache and the cowboy hat and boots cannot be missed. However, our trip was not accompanied by a 50-year-old man, but a beautiful man in his mid-30's. Colin noticed immediately that I was distracted by the presence of this man and rolled his eyes.

'Hi, I'm Colin.' His eyes shifted to me for a moment, but then he focused on the man again. 'Her husband' he added unnecessarily. The man smiled and introduced himself as John before shaking our hands. John had a beautiful olive-toned skin, dark brown hair and green eyes. His eyes couldn't beat the bright blue eyes of my own husband, but I had to admit that my heart skipped a beat when I looked into John's eyes. Colin snorted when he saw me looking his way again.

'What?'

'You're into him'

'It's a handsome man, I can't deny that.'

He rolled his eyes again and stepped toward the horse that had been chosen for him, but I grabbed his hand. 'Are you jealous?' I asked teasingly.

He raised his shoulders. 'Should I be?' Even before I had the chance to answer his question, he mounted his horse. Even though he didn't say anything bad, I still felt a feeling of guilt creeping inside me. Colin always told me that he is a jealous man. He was always afraid that someone else could make me happier than he could. I guess it's his insecurities acting up. He is stubborn as hell and says sorry way too much. He tries to pretend like he doesn't give a fuck, but the fact is that he is caring too much. Colin is that kind of person that overanalyzes the smallest of things. If he was to rob a house, he'd probably make a checklist to be sure he didn't forget something. It's his way to guard himself against being hurt again.

Not much later we were all on our horses and we started our trip. John rode in front, Colin behind him and I was right behind Colin. I studied the contours of his body that moved along with the movements of the horse. Many years had passed since our first meeting, but at first sight, he did not seem to have aged at all. Only when you study his face, you would see that small wrinkles have formed in his perfect face. Only when you go through his hair with your hands, you would feel that his full hair is slowly getting thinner. And while you caress through his hair with your fingers, you will see some gray hair appear.

Colin and I once vowed to love each other forever ( **A/N: Unscripted chapter 53** ). If you want something to last forever you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it and never abuse it. You don't expose it to the elements and you don't make it common or ordinary. If it becomes tarnished you polish it until it gleams like new again. It becomes more and more special because you have made it so. It grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by. As we grow older together, as we continue to change with age, there is one thing that will never change... I will always, always love him.

I spurred my horse so that he would walk next to Colin's. He looked up when he saw me and smiled at me, even though I saw that he was still annoyed.

'Hey, you' I tried to break the ice

He smiled again. Sincerely this time. 'Hey, you'

'Are you still mad?' I asked as I stared at my horse underneath me and fiddled with his mane.

Colin turned his gaze back to the horizon right in front of us. 'No, I'm not mad at you. I have never been'

'Jealous then?'

'Jen, listen, I know you're into younger men and he could be the type you'd be dating. I also realize that I'm getting older and that...'

'That what?' I interrupted his silence.

'That I may not be the man I used to be for you'

I quirked my eyebrow questioningly. 'Seriously? You think you're not good enough anymore?'

He only nodded.

'I know this has everything to do with your insecurities, Col' I said a little bit too loud. John looked at us over his shoulder. 'Everything okay?'

We both nodded. 'Maybe we shouldn't have this conversation right now' Colin hissed.

'No, you have to listen to me now'

He looked astonished for a moment, but eventually let me tell him what I wanted him to know.

'I don't get why you think you're not good enough. I know sometimes it's still hard to let me see you in all your cracked perfections, but please know: whether it's the days you burn more brilliant than the sun or the nights you collapse into my lap with your body broken into a thousand questions, you are still the most beautiful person I have ever seen. You know that I love you. Even if you are a still day or when you are a hurricane. It won't change anything, so please... don't be jealous'

A grunt escaped his mouth.

'What?'

'You have no idea how badly I want to pull you off that horse and pin you up against a wall while I kiss you passionately.'


	34. Howdy Cowboy

**Colin's pov**

Going out into nature has always helped me to calm down and clear my mind. It helped me to unplug from the daily routines and to let my thoughts wander. To think about life or to be quiet and hear the whispers of your soul. Jennifer seemed to enjoy our time together as much as I did and the fact that we were in Ireland made it even better. Even though my home was wherever Jennifer was, Ireland would always have a special place in my heart. 

The last few hours we had gone through beautiful landscapes. Despite the fact that I had lived in Ireland for decades, I was still surprised by how beautiful it was. Jennifer looked around happily, and it had been a long time since I had seen her so relaxed. She smiled when she noticed that I was looking at her. She held back her horse and rode next to me.

'Hey there, cowboy'

I chuckled and shook my head. 'You mean howdy cowboy?'

She smiled as she stared at John who was a bit further ahead of us before she turned back to me. 'Are you having fun?'

'Of course, darling. Are you?'

She nodded in agreement. 'This was exactly what I needed.'

I pouted my lip in disappointment before a smile appeared on my face. 'So you didn't like our other activities?'

'You know how much I love those other activities.'

I quirked an eyebrow but decided to go along in her teasing. 'Prove it, Morrison.'

'Why would I do that? We're riding in an open field, smell like horses and are in the company of a man.'

'Did that ever stop you before?' I challenged her.

'You're playing with fire, Colin' she hissed back.

'Like I told you, prove it'

For the rest of the trip, the tension between Jennifer and me was noticeable. It was a tension that hadn't been there for a while. A tension that I had, unconsciously, missed deeply. We rode a few hours through the beautiful landscapes before the sun started to go down and John suggested to call it a day. We stopped at a lake where we attached the horses to a tree and grabbed our stuff.

As Jennifer and I started to prepare the tents for the night, John was busy preparing the campfire and our dinner. Everyone had their own task to focus on, but it became increasingly obvious to me that John was looking at Jennifer a little too often. I was used to men watching her, but the fact that he would sleep in the tent next to us didn't make things any better. When the tents were finally done, I pulled her into my arms and kissed her. I loved to show my affection to her, but with him around it felt like a victory.

During dinner, John told endless stories about the trips he made, the horses he tamed and how he ended up in this life as a so-called cowboy. He did trips with young couples very often, but it also happened that he went out with whole families. In any case, it was clear that he loved his work. I couldn't resist thinking about how many women he had taken with him on a date like this. I felt that Jennifer was shivering beside me, so I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her closer to me. She pressed a kiss to my cheek before resting her head on my shoulder. She sighed happily. A sound that I loved to hear. 

As John continued to talk about his adventures, I felt Jennifer's hand slid over my ass, which she then squeezed gently.

'Jen...' I growled

An innocent, but obviously fake smile appeared on her face. 'What? I had to prove it, right?' she whispered

John looked at his watch and smiled at Jennifer. 'It is getting late and we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.' He stretched himself and then walked to his tent. 'Good night you two'

Jennifer grinned. 'Well, that was easier than expected'

Even before she had completely finished her sentence, I pulled her into my lap. 'What did you have in mind, ma'am.'

She grabbed my face between her hands and kissed me. 'A little bit of this' she said as she pressed her hips more firmly into mine. 'And a little bit of that' she added before she kissed me again.

'I like the sound of that' I moaned.

All of a sudden she stood up and my body instantly missed the pressure of her body against mine. She swayed her hips as she walked toward the lake. I followed her as quickly as possible. Once she arrived at the lake she started to undress herself.

'Jen... It is way too cold to go in there'

She turned around and quirked her eyebrow. 'That's why I need you' she said desperately as she started to undress me as well. 

She pulled my shirt over my head and pressed her naked body against mine. 'See, you keep me warm' she whispered in my ear, which causes goosebumps all over my body. She turned around again and swayed her hips, even more, when she walked into the lake. I followed her quickly into the lake where she wrapped her arms around my neck.

'I love you' she whispered before she pressed her lips against mine.

'I love you too'

Her hand slipped from my neck over my chest to my stomach. Shortly after her hand disappeared under the water I felt her hand against my already hard erection. 'Howdy cowboy' she chuckled.

'Hm, stop teasing' I growled

'What fun would that be?'

'What do you want me to do then?' I tried to whisper as steady as possible.

Her eyes shined in the moonlight. They showed the strength of her soul and the depths of her desires. Eyes like hers could burn a heart to ashes and turn a universe upside down. Eyes like hers could make a soul fall in love with no turning back and that's what I did over and over again.

'Make love to me'


	35. Steady and Hold Tight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains smut!

**Jen's pov**

'Make love to me' I whispered, after which I gently bit his earlobe. A familiar grunt escaped his mouth. My lips moved slowly to the stubble on his face, which tickled my lips.

'Jen...'

'What's wrong, cowboy?'

'You're a tease' he murmured before I gently bit his lower lip.

He finally seemed to let go and wrapped his warm, firm arms around me. The arms in which I felt at home. I rested my cheek against his chest and wrapped my arms around his hips. I felt his chin resting on my head and together we enjoyed this quiet moment. We enjoyed our naked bodies against each other in the pleasantly cool water. My fingers slid over the contours of his back, over his ribs and back down over his stomach.

'Are you cold?' he asked. I hadn't even noticed that my body was trembling.

I shook my head. I couldn't see through him and it made me nervous. I grabbed his hand and intertwined our fingers. I moved closer to him and pressed my lips against his cheek. He rested his hand on the curve of my hip and his touch felt like fire on my skin. I needed more. His fingers buried themselves in the flesh of my hip and his eyes burned in mine. Bright blue flames that held me tightly. I bit my lip, knowing what that does to him. His fingers held me even more firmly. I bend closer to him and pressed my lips against his ear.

'I need this,' I said while his gaze caught mine again. His eyes were so incredibly blue that they took my breath away. His hand slid down and covered my ass. I rested my forehead against his shoulder. 'Please...'

He smirked. 'You don't have to beg, sweetheart'

I clamped my thighs together and bent my back. I took a deep breath so my breasts pressed against him and I felt his desire against my stomach. He pressed his lips against mine as I felt his tongue sliding in my mouth and his lips moving against mine. I moaned softly and kissed him back.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and took his stubbly face between my hands and plunged into a new kiss. His hands slid over my back and went through my hair. He slowly put me down. As my skin slid down against his, I felt his erection. I bit my lip and shook my hips against his hard member.

'Jen...' he murmured almost inaudibly. Our lips were centimeters apart but we didn't kiss. I felt his breath hot against my mouth, but I waited. Then I let my fingers slide over his body and stopped at the strip of hair on his abdomen that disappeared under the water. He smiled before he kissed me tenderly. I had to cling to his waist to keep myself from falling. I stood on my toes to be able to kiss him better. He gently released my lips and tugged my hair behind my ear.

'Hold me tight' he whispered. I nodded and strengthened my grip. My arms around his neck were the only thing that kept me up and I had to hold on tight when I felt his erection rubbing against my heat.

'Concerns?' he asked as he stared at me.

I shook my head. 'I want it. I want you.'

He put his hands on my hips and gently pushed his erection inside me. A groan escaped my mouth. I ran my hands over his chest and followed the hard lines of his body as he began to move inside me. He slipped in and out, stopped for a moment when his tip was still inside me and gently pushed his erection back into me. The pressure of the threatening orgasm increased and our groaning became louder.

'Let it go, darling' he whispered in a heavy voice, pushing himself deep inside me again. His eyes were intense and bright blue. 'Hey...' I whispered uncomfortably as my gaze caught his.

He smiled genuinely. 'Hey you'

I grabbed Colin more firmly as we both reached our peak. 'I love you' I whispered against his warm skin. The three words I never dared to say to anyone but which I say to this man every single day. And I really loved him. He caressed the back of my head and pressed a soft kiss against my hair. 'I love you too'

We cuddled for a while before we got out of the lake. I hadn't thought about the fact that we had to walk back a bit and that our towels were in our tent. Colin wrapped his sweater around my shoulders and picked up the rest of our clothes.

'Thank you' I whispered gratefully. The cold breeze was uncomfortable on my warm skin, but the warmth of Colin's sweater made me feel better. I zipped it up and buried my nose in the collar to smell his delicious, familiar scent. He wrapped his arm around me as we walked to our tent and I couldn't resist looking at his half-hard manhood. He smirked when he noticed that I was looking at it.

'Do you need more?' he asked as he quirked his eyebrow.

I shook my head with a smile. 'Not yet'

Before I realized it, he pushed our clothes into my arms and lifted me in bridal style and continued his way to our tent. Once in the tent, he carefully laid me down on the mattress and he laid down close to me. The warmth of his body felt pleasant against my now cold skin.

'We should do this more often' I whispered. All I heard was a gentle confirmation before we fell asleep together.

The next morning, I woke up from the sunlight that lit my face. I felt that I was still naked and I lacked the absence of my husband's warm arms. I turned around but noticed that he wasn't lying next to me. His side of the mattress was cold and it seemed like he hadn't slept there at all. I thought he was already outside so I decided to get dressed and got out of the tent.

'Good morning!' sounded John's cheerful voice.

'Good morning' I said with a slightly less cheerful tone. I sat down next to John and helped him with the preparations for breakfast.

'Can you wake up Colin?' he asked after a while as he began to divide the food over three plates.

I raised my eyebrow. 'Colin isn't outside?'

John looked at me intently. 'No, I haven't seen Colin since last night.'

I started to panic. 'But he wasn't in the tent when I woke up...'


	36. Saddled Up With A Cowboy

**Jen's pov**

From that moment on everything went very quickly. What was supposed to be a beautiful trip, ended in a nightmare. John tried to reassure me and told me several times that it would be okay and that he was probably just walking a bit to explore the area. I knew better. Colin was the type of man who always told me where he was going and how long he thought it was going to last. If it didn't work out then he sent me a message and if he was done earlier he surprised me. Just going out for a walk without leaving a note or message? That was nothing like Colin. Especially after all that happened lately, he knew better than anyone that he had to let me know where he was. His clothes and other things were still in the tent and I began to wonder what was going on. John proposed to explore the area with his horse and advised me to stay in case Colin would come back. I realized it was the best option for now, but I didn't like to wait. I kept hoping that it was all a nightmare and that I could wake up within a few minutes in his warm arms, but it didn't matter how often I squeezed myself... I didn't wake up. It was all real. Again. **  
**

I collected our stuff and stuffed it back in our bags. Deep inside I really hoped to see a note from him but I didn't. Nothing. I sat down on the mattress, sighing, and buried my face in my hands.

The hours slowly passed by and with the hour I became more and more concerned. When I saw a horse coming closer in the distance my heart made a leap, but John's face was already showing that he hadn't found Colin. I had kept myself together until then, but I couldn't stand it anymore and began to sob. He jumped off his horse and gently wrapped his arm around me.

'Have you noticed anything last night?' he asked in a soft voice.

My eyes widened and I looked at him in disbelief. 'Do you really think I didn't think about that?' I snapped.

He lowered his eyes to the ground. 'I'm sorry, I thought maybe... I'm sorry' he stammered.

'Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I... I'm just worried. This isn't the first time something like this happens.'

This time it were his eyes that had gone wide. 'Not the first time?'

I shook my head. 'A couple of months ago he disappeared from the set and they miraculously found him a few weeks later. Until now, nobody knows what happened there and Colin himself has no idea either.'

'Could it be... Is it possible...' he tried to find the right words.

'That the same thing is happening, do you mean?' I added.

He nodded in agreement and I shrugged my shoulders. 'They never found a perpetrator, so I don't know. It's possible.'

John let out a deep sigh and stared straight ahead in the distance. I did the same and together we enjoyed the pleasant silence. The silence was so pleasant that none of us wanted to break it. Eventually, he got up and held out his hand to me. 'Let's go back to the ranch. Then you can wait in the hotel and I explore the area with several riders again.' he suggested.

I nodded as I grabbed his hand with which he pulled me up. He saddled the horses and helped me to get up. Then he fastened Colin's horse to his own saddle with a long rope and sat down on his beautifully dotted Appaloosa. We started our way back to the ranch and the hotel at a slow pace. It was a long ride and I didn't look forward to it. During the first ride, there was great fun and we chat a lot about the work we did and how the trip would look like. The mood was dark and gloomy now. When we were on the road for a while, he came to ride next to me.

'It will be fine' he said. I heard the sincerity in his voice, but he could never know for sure if it would be alright.

I smiled and stared into the distance at the horizon where the sun was already starting to set. He stared with me and together we drove over the hilly landscape. Despite the increasing stress, the beautiful environment was calming me down a bit. I looked to the right and stared into his beautiful eyes. 'Thanks John' I stammered.

He doubtfully quirked his eyebrow. 'For what?'

I didn't really know either. I wanted to thank him for his presence, but that would be very inappropriate. 'For today. For helping me.' That answer wasn't a lie, but simply not the complete truth.

'I can't leave a lady in distress all by herself' he replied. 'I just hoped that this weekend would bring peace and that these things wouldn't happen.'

'Is it happening more often?' I asked

He shook his head. 'We have to deal with horses that are running wild or people who unfortunately fall off of them, but a disappearance?' He thought for a moment. 'No, never.'

'What is the weirdest thing you have ever experienced during your work as an actress? I can imagine that you're going through some crazy things sometimes' he asked to keep our conversation going on.

I shrugged my shoulders. 'In general, it isn't that bad. Colleagues are all very professional, but the fans... They like to propose to me.'

He grinned. 'I can imagine with such a beautiful woman like you.'

I felt my cheeks flushing red. Receiving compliments wasn't my strongest quality and it was even worse when such a handsome man complimented me. I looked at him with a smile on my face. 'Thank you... I guess...' I stammered.

We chatted a bit further about our work and our lives. I told him about Ivy and Mason and that they are such great children. How Mason tries to discover the world with its bright blue eyes and small hands and how Ivy asks you all the time why certain things are like that. I realized more and more how much I really missed them. 'Do you have children?' I finally asked.

He shook his head. 'No, I think kids are great, but I haven't met the right person yet.'

I couldn't imagine that such a man could be single. 'I'm sure she will cross your path soon.'

'Let's hope for the best.'


	37. Broken

**Jen's pov**

After riding the horses for a few hours, John and I arrived back at the ranch. I exchanged phone numbers with him so we would be able to contact each other just in case it was needed. I felt my heart beating in my throat as I walked into the hotel. Once in the elevator, the nervous feeling became even more intense. What if he was just in the hotel room? What if this was all a preconceived plan and he just wanted to surprise me? I felt hope. Too much hope. I unlocked the door with the pass and swung it open but to my disappointment, the room was completely empty. I sighed deeply and carried our bags inside, after which I stretched out on the bed. I hoped to hear the sound of water running from the shower, I hoped to hear his beautiful voice while he was humming a song once again, but it remained silent. Nothing but a deadly silence. The only audible sound was the ticking of the clock, but that only made me even more nervous and annoyed than I already was. **  
**

I stretched out and stared at the ceiling. My thoughts wandered off to last night. To the amazing sex we had in the lake and his warm touch that had set my skin on fire. I got goosebumps over my body at the thought of that evening. It was so perfect, as perfect as during our first few times together. Meanwhile, we were a lot of years further, but still, he was the one who made me feel that love is real. That love can be true and pure.

I woke up from my thoughts by a hard punch on the door. I hurried to the door and had to hide the disappointment when I saw John standing in the doorway. I bit my lip and looked at him hopefully, but his face already betrayed him.

'We didn't find him, Jennifer. No traces, nothing. We have no idea. I think it's wise to inform the police and you should call someone. I know that you're from the United States, but do you have someone that you can call right now?'

It took me a lot of effort to swallow my sob. 'His parents' I murmured.

He rested his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it gently to comfort me. 'Do you want me to call them?'

After Colin's mother caught me in the hotel room with Jack last time, it didn't feel right to let John tell her this news. I shook my head. 'I'll call them myself, thanks'

He nodded and was about to turn around again. 'If there is anything I can do for you...' he started.

I smiled. 'Well, if you could find my husband...'

He grinned, but his eyes showed his feeling of guilt. 'Then I'll send him back to his wonderful wife' he called over his shoulder as he continued his way back to the elevator.

I closed the door and went looking for my phone. I scrolled through my contacts and stopped at his mother's number. My fingers trembled and I wasn't sure if it was fear or if I was just nervous about telling Colin's mother the news that her son had disappeared again. After a few minutes of doubt, I tapped the call button. The phone rang a few times before I heard her enthusiastic voice.

'Hey, Jen! Are you guys enjoying the trip?'

I couldn't hold back my tears any longer and started sobbing softly, but loud enough for her to hear it. 'What's wrong? Is everything okay?'

'C... Colin is...' I stammered. I searched for the right words but couldn't find them.

She sighed loudly. 'Not again.'

I nodded but didn't realize she couldn't see it. 'Jen, we are coming to you right now. Are you at the hotel?'

Her voice went past me like a vague noise in the distance.

'Jen?'

'Yes... Yes, I'm still at the hotel.'

'Con and I are on our way.'

'And the children?'

'Do you want me to take them with us?' she asked doubtfully.

No matter how much I wanted to see them, I had to think about what was right for them. 'Maybe that's not such a good idea' I said eventually.

'I'll bring them to Allen and then we're coming to the hotel as quickly as possible. Take care of yourself' she said before she ended the phone call.

I threw my phone on the bed and rested my back against the wall as I lowered myself to the floor. Time slowly passed and it seemed like hours before Colin's parents knocked on my hotel door. I had expected an awkward silence, but his mother immediately wrapped her arms around me when she saw me.

'What happened?' she asked worriedly.

I shrugged as I started sobbing again. 'He is gone. I don't... I just...'

She pressed a soft kiss to my temple as she gently rocked me back and forth like a child. At any other time I would have found it very uncomfortable but right now it seemed like the only way to calm me down. She grabbed my hands and examined the scratch marks on my hands. 'What happened?' she repeated.

'I woke up this morning and he was gone. We looked everywhere.' I paused for a minute to catch my breath again. 'I'm afraid that it is all starting over again...' I said, barely audible.

She nodded understandingly and held me tighter. I noticed that she was struggling with her own emotions too. 'We should wait for the police. In the meantime, we should go back to the kids. They've missed you.' 

I wasn't looking forward to telling the kids what had happened, but I knew she was right. I couldn't wait to see them and close them in my arms again.

The days that followed were like hell for all of us. Every morning when I woke up without him caused my hope to fade further away. Ivy didn't understand why her dad didn't come back and Mason was way too young to be able to understand a word. Colin's parents helped me as much and as well as they could, but it was hard. Hard because the love of my life was snatched away from us for the second time. Hard because the fear, the sadness, and the uncertainty crept up in me. After a few weeks of uncertainty and sadness, it was time for the three of us to return to the United States. I left behind his native country, his home, and his family with a broken heart. The worst of all was that it felt like I was leaving him behind.

'Is mommy sad?' Ivy asked as we walked towards our gate at the airport. Her lip trembled and she squeezed my hand a little tighter.

I stopped the baby pram and knelt beside her. I gently wiped some tears from her face and pressed a kiss to her forehead. 'It's going to be all right, sweetheart. I promise.'


	38. Stages Of Missing You

**Jen's pov**

It's kind of messed up and it manipulates your mind. The stages you go through in which you miss someone. You usually remember the big moments you shared together. You'll probably remember all the times he bought you flowers or when he took you out for dinner. You wind up looking at old pictures and relive all these moments and al the time you've spent together. Remembering all those beautiful moments hurts. It hurts like hell to think about all the times you swore that no one else in the world could ever replace him. It hurts to even think about hearing his voice, his whispered 'I love you's' in the mornings. You just couldn't imagine a time when these moments would stop. But honestly, this isn't the form of missing someone. This isn't the form that does the real damage. 

The most gut-wrenching kind of missing someone takes form in a different way. It's in the little things. Like how he called you to hear your voice, even if it was four a.m. on a working night. You answered anyway. Or the time he picked you up and spun you around. The way he danced with you to a cheesy slow song. The way you escaped reality with him. You remember the ways he kissed you. How he took his time on every inch of you. The way no one has ever looked at you. Or all those times when he came over late after work with your favorite food. The way he meant it when he told you he loved you. So eager to adore you. So eager to spend every second with you. 

Missing someone is terrifying. Those memories, all the beautiful ones, seem to push out all the dramatic moments. They seem to cover what was really going on in between all of those heartwarming memories. The things you chose to ignore because it was easier to lose the argument than to lose him. But the good things will remain in your head. Remember the I love you's, and the morning kisses. Miss him, but miss it all. The way he should be missed and remembered. 

Colin should be here, standing with his arm around me. I should be able to cuddle up in his arms and kiss him. I just want to lay on his chest and listen to his heartbeat. I've closed my eyes multiple times and spoke to him in a thousand silent ways, but he never answered. Obviously. I try to hide my tears when they talk about him or when they say his name. It's easy to wipe away the tears from my eyes, but the pain in my heart is still the same. 

When I lost you again, I lost myself too. I feel lost and alone and I don't know what to do without you. I don't even know when I became so depending, but I just need you. It feels like a neverending nightmare. The prevailing thought in my head is that you're dead. The second thought is that you're still out there waiting for me to save you. It's hard to carry on and be strong. I know I'll be lost until I find you, so I look for you everywhere. I just know you're out there. Sometimes when the kids and I are strolling around I stop and stare because I think I've seen you, but it's just someone who looks like you. I stare at your pictures willing your eyes to give me a clue, but they don't. I would climb mountains and I would walk endless miles to find you again. Whether you're alive or not, I know I will get over it one day, but somehow I have to go through it. I may not be there yet but I'm closer than I was yesterday. It's so hard to accept. I just miss you, that's all...

'Mommy?'

I blinked away my tears and looked at Ivy standing in the doorway of our bedroom. 'What's wrong, pumpkin?'

She climbed on the bed and sat down beside me as she leaned her head against me. 'You're missing daddy, right?'

I nodded as I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close to me. 'I miss him a lot'

'Me too'

She wiped some tears from her cheeks with her tiny hands. One of the worst feelings as a parent is seeing your child cry and you can't help them in any way and you just want to cry too.

'Is he coming back?' she sobbed

I grabbed her little face between my hands and caressed her cheeks with my thumbs. 'I don't know, but I do know that he loves you and that he will do everything in his power to get back to us, and back to you.'

Our little moment was disrupted by Mason's wailing. Ivy looked at me with a smile. 'Mason misses him too'

I gently squeezed her cheek. 'We all miss him, little girl.' 

'Is he missing me too?'

'Of course. You are his little princess. He will always miss you.'

My thoughts wandered off to the wonderful time we had in Ireland with the children. Ivy and Colin have had their problems, but their bond was incredibly strong. She was his weakness and she knew it all too well. She loved to climb on top of him or to pretend that he was her horse and she was the princess.

_One day she climbed on top of him while they were playing on the floor with her dolls._

_'What are you doing, baby?' Colin had asked._

_Ivy giggled. 'I'm in charge now!'_

_Colin quirked his eyebrow. 'Oh really? I don't believe you, princess.'_

_She started to giggle even harder. 'I am, daddy!' she shouted. 'See? Grrrr!'_

_'You're not in charge, little one.' Colin said as he tried to get up. Ivy grabbed his arms and held them down._

_'Okay, fine... You want to be in charge? Go ahead. What are you going to do with me?'_

_Ivy giggled and cuddled into his chest. 'My daddy!'_

_Colin smiled and wrapped his arms around her. 'Yeah, that's what I thought.'_

'Mommy?' Her soft whisper woke me up from my perfect little daydream. 'You're crying...' she said sadly as she grabbed my hand. 'Just like Mason' she added.

I smiled and kissed her head softly. 'Let's comfort your little brother, pumpkin.'


	39. Flashbacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As the chapter's name already explains: there are some memories/flashbacks in this chapter. I've written them in Italic and aligned them to the right side, so you can distinguish them a bit easier from the 'present' while reading. Enjoy!

**Jen's pov**

You fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. You were an unexpected surprise in my life. The defining moment. The collision of stars that slammed into me hard and sent my neat little world plumping into the ocean. I never expected it to be you. But it was you. It's still you and it will always be you. And when I started loving you, I realized I have never truly loved anyone. I also realized that I will never truly love anyone the way I love you.

Knowing that you're gone isn't as painful as wondering if you'll ever come back. The desire to cry, or an overwhelming feeling of sadness for no apparent reason, is linked to emotional stress caused by missing someone. It's so quiet in here like you never used to be by my side, like you were just another figment of my imagination, and only I know for sure you were real.

The last couple of weeks without you taught me one important thing. The best gifts in the world are not in the material objects one can buy from the store, but in the memories we make with the people we love. The memories I made with you.

_'Daddy?' Ivy said as she was playing with her dolls._

_Colin smiled while he lowered himself to the floor next to her. 'Yes, little girl.'_

_'I'm a princess, right?'_

_'Yes.'_

_Ivy paused and smiled. 'So that means that I can make all the rules, right?'_

_Colin chuckled. 'No. You and I both know that daddy makes the rules.' He said while he looked at me and winked. I smiled back to him but Ivy got offended by his last comment._

_'But I am the princess!'_

_He quirked his eyebrow as he embraced her. 'But I am the king.'_

I smiled as I relived this precious memory between a father and his daughter. He was so ecstatic when we found out that our firstborn was going to be a girl. I already knew that Colin was a vulnerable man, but you might never know a man's real vulnerability until you see him with his daughter. With her, he seems capable of more human emotions than he'll ever share with someone else. The bond between the two of them had always been so mysteriously awesome and I'm pretty sure it was made in heaven.

_Colin walked into the living room after a long day at work. He kissed my cheek softly and smiled when he noticed that Ivy was fast asleep on the couch. He picked her up bridal style but the look on his face showed that he knew she wasn't really sleeping. She was pretending to be asleep._

_'Oh, Jen. Look at this! Our little princess is fast asleep.' he said loudly as he winked to me._

_'I'll carry our sleeping baby girl, who is totally asleep, to her bedroom.' he continued with a smirk on his face. I shook my head with a smile as I tried to withhold myself from bursting out laughing._

_We both noticed that Ivy started to crack up too because of Colin's dramatic teasing. He walked her to her bedroom and threw her on the bed. He crawled up next to her and took her in his arms. Ivy gave up her little act and cuddled up into his arms.  
_

_'Liar' he whispered as he pressed his lips against her hair._

The love between a father and a daughter knows no distance. When he comes home after work, she'll run to the door and give him a big hug like she hadn't seen him for ages. Everything that had happened that day seemed to melt away from his face immediately. He always held her hand when she wanted him to. He swept her hair back from her ears. He swung her above his head. He didn't even bother to carry her 'My Little Pony' and 'Barbie' backpacks. She'll always be her daddy's little girl and he'll always be her hero. But he also knew when he needed to be her father, instead of her dad.

_'Daddy, you're a butthead!' Ivy said with a teasing smile on her face._

_Colin looked at me with a confused look on his face. 'Kindergarten...' I tried to explain._ _I noticed that he had to withhold himself from laughing, but he had a serious look as he turned back to her._

_'_ _Call me butthead again and you'll be in some real trouble, young lady.'_

_Ivy snickered and opened her mouth. 'Bu...'_

_Colin looked at her sternly. 'Don't!'_

_She smiled as she looked at her feet. Colin turned back to me and pressed a kiss against my cheek._ _'_

_Butthead!'_

The laugh of a daughter is the favorite symphony of a father. She is his little bundle of joy and happiness. One of the greatest lessons that we can learn from children is the enviable ability to find happiness in simplicity. When you become a parent you'll start to appreciate the little things they do for you. 

_'Hey daddy, look!' Ivy yelled as she walked towards Colin who was just reading a book on the couch._

_He closed his book and smiled kindly. 'What's up, sweetheart?'_

_She snickered and climbed into his lap. 'I found something that belongs to you!'_

_He quirked his eyebrow. 'Oh, what is it?'_

_A huge smile appeared on her face. 'It's me!!!' she exclaimed as she wrapped her little arms around his neck and hugged him tightly._

In every action and in every step of mine, lie memories of you so precious and fine. In every little thing that I think or do, the memories bite me hard and remind me of you. With our wedding ring, I also gave you my heart. I promised from that day forward that you would never walk alone. My heart would be your shelter and my arms would be your home. But it feels like I've failed big time. You have no idea how much I miss you. How much we miss you. And now I have to force myself to stop reliving all these memories. Because every time I remember all this, I have to cry a little harder. Something that used to make me so happy feels so sad now. Maybe that's the way it is with the best memories. Because sometimes, happy memories hurt the most. 


	40. Realization

**Jen's pov**

It's been a while now. It's been a while that you've been gone. I still water the plants, which grew from the seeds that you had sown. I sleep on the same bed on which we used to, together. It's the same bed, but I don't know why it feels just a little bit bigger now. When I can't sleep at night I stare at the empty side of my bed and wonder about the things I would tell you if you were laying next to me. Life is though without you. Things go wrong as they sometimes will. The roads I'm trudging seems all uphill. Sometimes I want to smile, but all I can do is sigh deeply because it's so hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember. 

'How are you doing? Are you getting through it all by yourself?' Ginny asked as she put my coffee on the table and sat down next to Josh. He lovingly wrapped an arm around her shoulder. I truly loved these two people. Their love was so pure and it seemed as if they were just made for each other.

I nodded and took a sip of the coffee to buy myself some more time. Of course, the coffee was way too hot and burned in my mouth and all the way down my throat.

'Are you sure?' Josh asked doubtfully

'Well, I have to admit that it's difficult without him.' I confessed. 'Very difficult, honestly.'

Ginny grabbed my hands in hers and squeezed them softly. 'We'll always be there for you. You know that right?'

I nodded. 'I do and I'm very grateful for that.'

'What are you going to do now? Now that he is... gone.' Ginny poked him in the side with her elbow. 'Josh...' she hissed.

I smiled as sincerely as possible. 'It's okay.' I fell silent before I continued. 'He isn't dead, at least... not that I know. As long as I'm not sure what happened and where he is... I just don't know.'

'Are you going to wait for him?'

'Josh...' Ginny hissed again.

I looked at Josh lost in astonishment. 'He's my husband and the father of my children. I love him more than anyone else in this world.'

Ginny nodded in agreement. 'I totally get it. I would say the exact same thing if this had happened to us.'

Josh quirked his eyebrow and looked at her. 'But I wouldn't want you to wait for me forever to come back. You deserve your happiness, even if it's without me'.

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but I didn't succeed and I felt the tears burning in my eyes. Josh turned to me again. 'What if he stays away for months? Or even years? Are you going to wait for him forever?'

'Joshua Paul Dallas!' Ginny exclaimed irritably.

I shook my head as a tear rolled down my cheek. 'No, Ginny... It's okay. Josh is right, actually. I have to think about this. Maybe he'll never come back...'

'But what if he does come back?' Ginny asked.

'But what if he doesn't? I know you don't want to hear this, but it's been a few months now, Jen.'

I crossed my arms. 'So I have to go on with my life as if nothing happened to him?'

'No, that wasn't what I was saying. You have the right to be sad and angry. Let it hurt. Let it bleed. Let it heal. But let it go when the time comes. Colin wants you to be happy, I know that for sure.'

I wiped some more tears from my cheeks. 'But I don't know how to do that...'

Josh smiled sympathetically. 'It's not going to be easy.'

The tears rolled down my cheeks again, but I smiled. At least it was supposed to be a smile. 'Now that really helps to make me feel better' I answered sarcastically.

He grabbed my hands and caressed them in his palms. 'Listen to me, Jen. It's not going to be easy, but it won't be impossible. It will get easier after a while. It may not seem like it, I know. But I promise you that we are there for you when you need us and we care a lot about you. You are such a beautiful person and you deserve the world. Do you understand that?' 

I nodded.

'Now promise me that you won't beat yourself down because of what happened. Don't hold it in. Just let it all out. Be sad, be angry, but don't give up, okay?' he continued.

'I promise' I whispered. 'But I don't know how to get through this.'

'Maybe you can write him letters?' suggested Ginny. 

'Letters? But I can never send them...'

She shook her head with a smile. 'No, you're not going to send them. You write down what you feel and keep the letters in a box. That way you can express your feelings and it might be easier to let go.'

Right at that moment, I knew they were right. I knew I had to try to keep myself together, to get my life back on track. But the thing is, I missed him for too long, in too many ways, that it became just another part of me, engraved deeper into my heart with the passing time. I would wake up, stretch, breathe and miss him. Everyone told me to let it go, to let him go, and I would say  _'You can't simply will your heart to stop beating. That no matter how long you hold your breath for, you can't hold it forever.'_  And I could only stop missing him if I stopped being myself entirely. 

I try and tell myself  _'you're not alone'_. Yet when I get in bed at night, my sadness envelopes me rather than my blankets. My head is propped up by a monster of thoughts rather than my pillow. And by the weight in my chest, it feels as if the mattress is laying on top of me rather than the duvet. 

And all I know through this confusion is when I sit up and take a look around, the only person there is me, and the only person who cares is me, and the only person who understands is me. I feel so alone and that's what's going to kill me eventually. I won't block it all out. I'll just sit and let it all rip me apart. Then I'll get up and keep breathing. One breath at a time. One day at a time. I'll cry for a while and I'll wake up and be shredded for a while. I'm not okay, but I'm alive, and I will be okay. Someday... 


	41. Letter To My Husband

**Jen's pov**

_Dear Husband, Dear Best Friend, Dear Colin,_

_I miss you wholeheartedly. You mean the world to me and nothing and no one could ever take your place. You are irreplaceable and you always will be. I miss you always, in my heart and mind. You are loved by so many people. You are truly one of a kind. I miss you more than words can say. I treasure all our memories, each and every day._

_They say to give it some time. They say that time will change and heal everything. But the truth is, time changes nothing. It's been a few months now. I still miss the sound of your voice, the stories you told, the ring of your laugh, and your presence that glowed._

_I wish I could go back in time. To when it didn't hurt all the time, both inside and out. To when I could call you my lover and best friend, even though you were my everything. I wish I could go back. Just to laugh with you again, kiss you one more time and tell you that I love you. I wish I could go back in time, now more than ever. But there is no going back. There is only here or forwards. And when I look at what lies ahead of me, without you... I wish I could go back even more._

_It's hard to explain how I feel. It kinda feels like when you're driving and it's pouring down rain. Then you drive under a bridge and everything stops for a while. Everything goes silent, it's almost peaceful. When you finally drive out from under the bridge, everything hits you a little harder than before. You were my bridge._

_I couldn't tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you. Ever since we've met each other, I've known that we're special. That the way we talked and laughed around each other is different than everybody else. That I will never meet anyone I can trust as much as I trust you. And I think most people search their whole lives to find what I've found in you. We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has only happened once, and that's why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I'll never forget a single moment of it._

_Everyone thinks that I'm a happy person and that I have it all together. What they don't know is that I'm falling apart. 'Are you okay?' - That's all it takes for the knots in my stomach to tighten for me to cry. 'I'm fine' - Meanwhile I'm fighting back the tears and trying to control my thoughts as I turn and walk away. I can't hold it back for much longer. I walk faster, the tears roll down my cheeks and my thoughts run wild. My legs pick up the pace trying to outrun the gut-wrenching life we call reality. The reality that I live in. I just want to break down. Like really break down. With tears streaming down my face while I'm grasping for air to keep my lungs in my chest. But all I can ever manage to do is to get this lump in my throat that is more of a punishment than a relief. When I'm done all I feel is worse and it seems as if I can never fully snap out of it. I want to scream at everyone and everything so loudly that my brain is actually shaking. But I can't because I'm too strong. Or because I'm too weak._

_I just had one of those little break downs... Where I close my eyes tightly and hold my breath to keep back stinging tears. I feel them burning behind my eyes, I swallow them down hard and my head hurts. And with my eyes closed, fighting back the tears, I call out to you... Where are you? Why did you have to leave?_

_I know it's unfair to blame you. I know it isn't your fault. I just want everything that I deserve, because I've already dealt with everything that I didn't deserve. I know that bad stuff happens in life. Sometimes it makes no sense at all. Sometimes it's unfair. Sometimes it just plain sucks. Bad stuff just happens sometimes. I'll always remember that, but I should also remember that I have to move on somehow. Even though I miss you so much. I have to pick my head up and stare at something beautiful like the sky or the ocean and I should move the hell on but I'm exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel._

_But sometimes it takes an overwhelming breakdown to see things clearly. I think it's time. I think it's time to let you go. And that's so hard to do because a part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life. But the daydreaming, the running in place, it's not healthy anymore. I can't do that any longer. It's time to let you go. The way that you kissed, smiled and smelled. It hurts that I can barely remember what that was like. But I have to let it go entirely. The way your hands felt on my waist, the way you said my name. I have to let it all go, even though it hurts, but I hope you'll understand. You were always the one who understood me. You understood that I don't easily open up to people. I build walls. Lots of them. But you were the one who was able to create windows and doors in these walls. Eventually, you broke them down, brick by brick, but without you, they are building up again._

_I have to get over you, somehow. For a very long time, I thought that being over someone meant you didn't love them anymore. But with you, I'm not sure that's ever going to be true. Eventually, my love for you will change, but a part of me will always care for you. I'll always want you to be happy, even if it makes me sad in the process. I'll always smile when someone mentions your name, or when I see a picture of you, even if it also makes me a little bitter. And I'll always love the memories I have of us, when we were both crazy for each other, even if those feelings may be long gone within a few years. Yes, I might get over you, but I will always care about you._

_We've always said that there can be no goodbyes for us. It would be too painful. Let's keep that promise. Our connection still lives on although you're far away from me. I miss the times that we once had. But one day, once again, hopefully, I'll hold you close and laugh with you again. I just wish I knew when. Each moment until that day arrives, I'll miss you more than words can say and I'll always think of you. I'll look forward to you among the stars, and whisper words of love to you. I'm moving on but I refuse to say goodbye._

_I love you. Until we meet again._

_\- Jennifer_


	42. Letter To Myself

**Jen's pov**

_'Dear me,_

_I'm writing this letter to you because I want you to know that life will get better. It just needs some time, a lot of patience and a tear every now and then. I hope that you're healed from everything that is going on now. I hope that you've found peace, love, and happiness in your life again and that you're a strong and honest person. To yourself but also to others._

_I want you to know that it's okay for you to cry. I want you to know that crying doesn't mean that you're weak. It actually means that you've been strong for so long, carrying what sometimes could feel like the weight of the world on your shoulders. I want you to know that it's okay, that it's safe for you to let go._

_If you look at a river, what does it do? Exactly, it just simply flows. And just like that, you can allow yourself to cry. Become that river. Let your tears wash away all of the heaviness, the burdens, the pain. Let it cleanse you._

_Why would tears be something bad when the element of water is what washes us clean_ _every single day_ _? Why would your tears be a bad thing when they're made out of the same stuff, just like the oceans of this planet_ _and the water we drink_ _._ _As a fact,_ _I know that you love beaches, so let me tell you that your tears are just as beautiful. You don't have to keep filling the glass until it overflows._ _You're allowed let it go. You're allowed to cry._

_You don't have to keep your tears until one day it just breaks down from your eyes. You can allow yourself to just gently let go of what's bothering you. To allow yourself to feel everything. The good. The bad. The ugly. That's one of the bravest things you can do. So when you're ready_ _,_ _I hope you find the courage and the strength to simply let go and let the tears flow to wash you clean_ _from the inside._

_Always remember that life is good. It's really good, actually._ _Even though it doesn't feel or seem like it is._ _I made myself suffer more times than I can think of, just because I'm afraid that goodness will come to an end_ _. But trust me, you never know until it happens_ _. I'm struggling with this belief inside me that I don't deserve good things to happen to me. Everything starts out fine but then eventually seems to fall apart. I question everything too much but especially myself. I realize that not everything and everyone is supposed to stay in your life until the end, but I think I've made people leave earlier than they may have been supposed to. Simply because I didn't feel good enough for them._

_Life is not a straight line, it goes up and down. If you are sometimes happy or sometimes sad, be glad because this is life. It's a part of your path. You need those sad moments to be able to become incredibly happy again._

_The challenges you have gone through, and those you will probably face in the future, may break you down. It makes you think about yourself. Are you worthy enough? Are you weak? Did you fail? Let me tell you something: you are worthy, you are strong and you'll succeed. No matter what. Some people will always try to hold you from walking toward your goal. It's like a dark cloud full of negative thoughts that turns even darker every time you look up to find a bit of hope._

_I'm terribly sorry that I wasn't great enough during our past journey in life. I didn't ignite your motivation, I wasn't good enough to encourage, to appreciate you. Sorry that I allowed you to hang your head down low, to be so cruel to yourself. I wasn't there to listen to your problems. I didn't stand up for you._

_But behind these dark clouds, there is a bright blue sky waiting to shine on you once you blow those clouds away. While you're looking for help to get those dark clouds away, you'll also learn something: nobody can help you but yourself._

_But have you noticed that you have changed during the years? Because you have! You have improved. I'm glad and so proud that you did. You're able to drive a car, ask for information, call to make an appointment, you followed your dreams and you put yourself first now. These changes are beautiful. Keep it going throughout your life._

_Tell yourself that your life is perfectly imperfect. Just like everyone else's. At the end of the day, it's all about yourself and the kids. Always learn to love and appreciate yourself before you want to be accepted or loved by others._

_As I'm writing this letter, your life isn't fully figured out yet. Your life changed 180 degrees recently and you're not 100% sure of your direction, or what you are going to do long-term in life. The clock is running way too fast. Future is something that keeps you anxiously awake at night. So someday in the future, probably in 2 or 3 years, or once you come back to read this letter, I hope you will feel happy that you have followed a path that you are proud of, which allows you to understand yourself better. Which makes you feel happy_

_Surprise me with what you have in store. And something to remember is that it's okay to not know what you want to do in life and it's okay to have ups and downs. It's life and you should live and enjoy it to the fullest!_

_With love,_   
_Jen_


	43. Moving On

Jen's pov

_6 months after Colin's disappearing_

The best feeling in the world is watching things finally fall into place after watching them fall apart for so long. I'm free of this pain. I'm not saying that I don't love you or think of you anymore. I'm just saying that it stopped hurting me. I achieved a state of peace within myself where I can except that it is all over and be grateful for what we had together. I'm finally able to look back on it with only fondness for the memories we shared. I'm still longing for you, but it doesn't hurt me anymore. At least, that's what I keep telling myself and the people around me.

I truly love being an actor. I've always loved it with all my heart and soul, and I'd always wanted to do it for a very long time. It's my favorite thing to do, but it's also the loneliest thing in the world, even though it caused me to meet you, the love of my life, my other half. You're just all alone with your concentration and imaginations and that's the only thing you have. Even though you have the nicest co-workers ever, it's you who has to portrait that specific role with all these specific emotions. You have to play it with a certain amount of yourself in it. There just simply has to be, otherwise, it's just lying.

Recently, I started to notice how much I missed acting. In the last few years in which I was active as an actor, I hadn't had to put a lot of effort into getting a role and I now realized how blessed I was. I've put my acting career on hold for my family and I've never regretted it one bit. Deep inside, I've always missed it, but I loved my children much more than I’d ever loved acting. Now that I'm trying to put myself first, I realized that I wanted to do it again. I wanted to act again, I wanted to do auditions again and I decided to start today. My first audition after centuries was a fact and I couldn't deny that I was more nervous than I ever was before.

'Mom, what are you going to do?' Ivy asked curiously as I hurriedly applied my makeup. I tried to focus on applying my eyeliner, but noticed Ivy's irritated gaze through the mirror.

'I'm going to work' I answered.

'Why? Daddy always did that.'

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I rushed through my makeup looking for my mascara. 'Yes, honey, but I would like to work again.'

'What about Mason and me?'

I turned around to look at her and noticed that her lip was trembling, a sign that she was about to cry. I wrapped my arms around her and after some hesitation, she hugged me back. 'I would never let you down, darling.'

'But when you start working then you won't have time for us, just like daddy...' she whispered in my ear as we held each other tightly. I tried to swallow the tears and the lump in my throat. 

I gently rubbed the back of her head to reassure her. 'Don't worry, Ivy. I won't let you and your little brother down, do you understand me?'

She nodded softly and withdrew from our embrace. 'I love you.'

I smiled. 'I love you too, sweetheart'

Even though I still missed him, all I needed right now was the love of these two little human beings. A child will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, home happier, the past forgotten and the future worth living for.

I quickly finished my make-up and as I gathered up my stuff, I saw my mother's car come to a stop. I walked over to Mason's cradle in the living room and smiled. Mason was the most friendly little man I knew. He smiled and made happy sounds all day long and he barely cried. He was lying on his back in the crib and was looking around with his clear blue eyes. I swallowed for a moment as his gaze caught mine and he started to smile. His eyes, his smile, his facial expressions... it was the miniature version of Colin. I bent over and pressed a kiss to his soft forehead, after which I turned myself to Ivy.

‘Grandma takes care of you, but do you promise me to take good care of your little brother?’ I asked as I kneeled down.

She nodded proudly, wrapped her arms around my neck, and kissed my cheek. ‘Good luck and I see you tonight, mom’

I also pressed a kiss to her forehead and slowly stood up again. ‘See you tonight, honey’

I opened the door to let my mother in, gave her a quick hug and hurried myself to the car. The drive to the audition seemed to take forever. I kept practicing my texts over and over again in my head, because I was afraid that the nerves would make me forget them. After a half an hour drive, I parked the car in the parking lot and walked towards the building where the auditions were to take place. While I entered the building I felt that people were looking at me. I tried not to worry and continued my way to the service desk.

The lady behind the desk smiled. ‘Jennifer Morrison, right?’

I nodded uncomfortably. ‘Yes, that’s me.’

She searched for my name on the list and then looked at me again. ‘Your opponent also arrived a few minutes ago. He is standing right over there, with the brown, leather coat’ she said while pointing in his direction.

‘Thank you’ I whispered.

I decided to walk towards the man. Perhaps we still had some time to discuss and practice the scene. I put my hand on his shoulder. ‘Hey, I heard from the lady behind the service desk that you‘re my opponent and...’ my breath got caught in my throat when he turned around.

‘Jack?’


	44. Auditioning

**Jen's pov**

'Jack?'

A genuine smile appeared on his face when his gaze met mine. 'Jen?'

I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. 'How are you?' he whispered softly.

I slowly withdrew from the embrace and looked at him. 'With ups and downs.'

He nodded understandingly. 'And how are the children doing?'

It warmed my heart that he thought of them too. 'It's getting better and better. Ivy doesn't get it that well and Mason doesn't realize it at all, obviously. Ivy is just asking a lot of questions lately and I feel like she still doesn't get it.'

He put his hand on my shoulder. 'She is still so young. Just give her some time. It's also hard for her that her dad isn't at home anymore.'

I nodded sadly as I tried to swallow my tears away. 'If you ever need help, or a babysitter, or whatever it is you need... let me know. You are not alone.' he continued.

I smiled. 'Thank you, Jack. I really appreciate that.'

He fiddled with the script in his hands and looked around uneasily before his eyes rested on me again. 'So we are each other's opponents, right?'

I nodded. 'I'm afraid so'

'You're afraid so?' he asked offended, quirking his eyebrow.

Teasingly, I pushed him aside. 'You know what I mean! It's more difficult with someone you know well than with someone you don't know at all.'

He took a step in my direction and my breath got caught in my throat when his face came incredibly close to mine. 'So you think you know me well?' he whispered teasingly. I looked into his beautiful eyes and felt that my knees would become weaker if I looked at him any longer.

'I don't know you very well, but I know you. We spent a lot of time together, so I think I have a good idea of you.'

'And what idea do you have of me, Mrs. Morrison?' he said teasingly.

'Wouldn't you like to know?'

'Perhaps I would.'

He was still standing very close to me and despite the fact that I usually didn't like to give in in these kinds of games, I did it anyway. 'I think that you pretend like you are a very tough and cool guy, like you do now, but that you're actually a very sweet man who is very sensitive and can love someone with a lot of dedication and passion'

I caught him off guard but he recovered himself quickly.

'It's true huh?' I asked triumphantly.

He shook his head, laughing. 'You're impossible'

I shrugged my shoulders. 'I've heard that before.'

'Jennifer Morrison and Jack Heartwood, you only have a few minutes left to prepare!' a lady yelled from the hall.

I started to panic. 'Shit...'

'What?' Jack asked. 'Is the famous Jennifer Morrison a bit nervous?'

I rolled my eyes. 'No... I wanted to practice the scene with you.'

He put his hands on my shoulders and squeezed it gently. 'Your acting abilities are perfect, Jen. If someone is going to ruin this audition, then it's gonna be me. You're a natural.'

'You're not going to ruin it...' I searched for words to encourage him, but I didn't want to confess that I had never seen anything of his work so I decided to remain silent.

'Jennifer and Jack, it's your turn!'

I looked at him and smiled. 'There we go...'

He encouraged me by squeezing my shoulder one last time before we walked to the audition room. There was a long table in the room with four people and a camera with a cameraman. I had completely forgotten how uncomfortable these moments were, but the feeling immediately hit me again.

'Break a leg' he whispered.

I chuckled. 'You too'

We walked towards the table and briefly introduced ourselves, after which we were allowed to start the audition.

'Aren't you girlfriend of the year?' Jack started sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. 'What do you mean?'

He came closer to me. 'You know exactly what I mean. I'm talking about John, you know, that person who could really use your help right now.'

I sighed deeply. 'He isn't exactly being the best boyfriend ever. I can't use his negativity right now. All I want to do is making fun in my life.'

'He needs you... You're his girlfriend, Jade.'

'I WAS his girlfriend.'

He shook his head in disbelief. 'So it isn't bothering you that he lost his dad and his girlfriend in one week?'

'Shit happens... Why do you even care?'

'Because I'm his friend and because you still owe him some money.'

I fumbled in my pockets, pretending that I was looking for my wallet. 'I think I forgot my wallet...'

'You forgot your wallet...' he repeated sarcastically.

I shrugged my shoulders. 'Yeah... too bad, right?'

'That was amazing guys!' the casting director exclaimed when I had just finished saying the last words.

'I had high expectations of the both of you, but you guys more than fulfilled them.'

I looked sideways at Jack and saw a smile appearing on his face. He was much more handsome than I could remember.

'I still want to watch the other auditions, but I will let you know as soon as possible. Thank you for your time and effort.'

I nodded. 'Thanks' Jack and I said in unison before we left the room.

Once outside, he accelerated his pass to catch up with me, turned around, and started walking backward. 'You were brilliant!' he said enthusiastically.

I didn't stop walking, but stared at my shoes and smiled shyly. 'No ... YOU did a great job!'

Jack took my hands and suddenly stopped, causing me to bump into him. My breath got caught in my throat. 'I think we are a great duo for this script'

I swallowed. 'Only for this script?' I whispered.

He laughed as he quirked his eyebrow. I couldn't tell whether he was laughing at me or challenging me. He leaned toward me and I closed my eyes, waiting for his lips to touch mine, but that didn't happen. I felt his lips softly on my cheek and when I opened my eyes again he was gone.


	45. 'Till Death Do Us Part

**Jen's pov**

'So you're finally moving on?' Jamie asked. I hadn't seen her for several months, because I tried to avoid the friends who are the closest to me. It was just too confronting to talk to them because they knew how important he was to me. She had now insisted on going out for dinner together and I could no longer avoid the confrontation with her. So here we are, waiting for our dinner. I noticed that she had tried all night to avoid asking me these kinds of questions, but her curiosity prevailed.

I rolled my eyes. Another person who asks me if I'm moving on. It seemed to be the question of the last couple of weeks. What they don't get is that moving on isn't easy. It isn't easy when the memories of us together are stuck on replay in my head. Your smile. Your eyes. How happy you made me. Those were some of the best memories of my life and I will never be able to erase them. If I could, then maybe I would. It would be so much easier to move on. To forget you as fast as how you left me. 

'I'm trying to, but it's just hard to keep going on like everything is fine. He made me so happy and now I've lost that part of my happiness.'

Jamie took my hand and squeezed it gently. I stared at our hands. 'He wouldn't want you to give up, honey. There is still happiness for you in this world.'

I raised my eyes and looked at her. 'I don't give up and you talk about him like he is already dead. I'm just saying that it's hard without him. You know better than anyone what he meant to me.'

'Meant... you talk about him in the past tense, Jen.'

I sighed. 'I just don't know what to do or think anymore. As long as there is no certainty, it's so hard to pretend that he can't walk in at any moment. It feels like I can wake up at any moment from a nightmare and just lie next to him again, but when I pinch myself I realize how hard this reality is.'

She caressed the top of my hands with her thumbs. 'I know, honey... I know. I'm so proud of how you're handling all of this.' 

A tear rolled down my cheek. 'I just want to hug him, tell him it's gonna be alright. Tell him that I'm not as fragile as he thinks I am. But I can't hug him. I can't even hold his hand. I can't tell him that it's gonna be alright, because it's not. Not as long as I'm here and he isn't.'

She carefully wiped the tears from my cheeks as she kept caressing my other hand. 'Come on, beautiful. Pick yourself up, dry your eyes. Everything will be okay, I promise' 

I nodded as I dried my eyes. 'Thank you...'

My phone started to vibrate and I noticed that I was called by an unknown, international phone number. A feeling of discomfort washed over me. I looked up at Jamie. 

'Pick it up,' she said encouragingly

I nodded and grabbed my phone. 'This is Jennifer speaking'

'Good evening, Mrs. O'Donoghue' an Irish, unknown voice sounded.

I swallowed. I had not heard his last name or said it aloud for ages. The fact that he called me Mrs. O'Donoghue with an Irish accent overwhelmed me even more. 

'Are you able to talk?' 

'Wait a second.' I stood up, gestured to Jamie that I was going outside for a moment and walked towards the exit of the restaurant.

'Good evening' I said again when I was outside. 'I'm able to talk now. Who is this?'

'This is the Garda Síochána speaking'

'The what?'

'The Irish police service' he replied, slightly annoyed.

My heart was racing and I was afraid that I was about to faint. 'Oh...' I managed to say.

'As you may know, we have been looking for your husband for 7 months now. Unfortunately, we have to make a very unpleasant announcement.'

Panic welled up in my body and I no longer knew what to do to keep myself on both feet. I shook my head in disbelief.  'No... No... is he...?'

There was an awkward silence before he went on. 'We haven't found his body, Mrs. O'Donoghue.'

Even though it was a good sign, it didn't really comfort me. 'But?'

'But unfortunately, we have to stop all the search activities we did to find your husband. We haven't been able to find any clues in all those months.'

I couldn't believe what I just heard. I squeezed my phone so hard that my knuckles turned white and I was almost afraid it would break into a thousand pieces. 'Maybe you should try to search a little better' I snarled back

'Ma'am, I understand your disbelief and anger. Unfortunately, we can't do anything without any clues. '

'And what does that mean?'

'We... We have to declare your husband dead and close his file'

The ground collapsed underneath me. 'What? You can't just do that! You haven't even found a body... He can't be dead.'

'But we haven't found any clues either, and that usually doesn't mean any good'

I lowered myself to the ground with tears running down my cheeks. I didn't even care that I was outside in public. 'You can't just give up... You can't give him up...'

'I'm very sorry, ma'am. As much as I would like to help you, it is, unfortunately, the procedure. We will no longer actively look for Mr. O'Donoghue, but we will, of course, remain alert.'

I stared at my feet and I couldn't manage to form a proper sentence to answer him. 

'Mrs?'

'Yes...'

'There is something you need to know''

And what's that?'

'If we declare your husband dead, you will no longer be married. You will no longer be his wife.'

My eyes widened. 'What?'

'Once your spouse has died... There is no one left for you to be married to.' 

'But... why? I don't understand' 

'Most marriage vows have a clause like 'for as long as we both shall live' or 'till death do us part'. This means that you are both married until one of you dies. At that point, the marriage vow has been fulfilled and the marriage has come to an end. The survivor, so that's you in this case, is no longer married...'


	46. Madly In Love

**Jen's pov**

He had made a promise to spent as many nights as possible with me. He promised me to show me every single night how much he loved me. He vowed that he would cuddle up with me and hold me tight against his body until I fell asleep. 

He was reading a book in bed while he waited for me to get into bed. I felt smooth and ready to be held and kissed. I left the bathroom and paraded around in my towel to tease him. Once I arrived at my side of the bed I dropped the towel and snuggled down into the bed under the fresh, white sheets. I positioned my body against his and slowly stroked my leg along his. I enjoyed his smooth, warm skin sliding against mine. He tried to concentrate on his book and I was curious about what was so fascinating. Tracing my fingers over the page, the book disappeared and within a second his mouth was on mine. His tongue entangled with mine erased all thoughts of reading and my curiosity. The pressure of his mouth on mine was intoxicating. I wanted him more than anything at that moment.

The air in the room stilled and a flash of heat covered my body as his kisses increased. He held me tight to his body as his hands were wrapped around my back. He was still wearing his boxers, but I could feel his hardness against my stomach. I wanted to get closer to him. I pushed him over to his back and astride his hips. I leaned down and kissed him once again. I couldn't resist to stroke him through the material. I felt in control, even if it was only for a few minutes. I started to grind into his boxers and teased him even harder. I enjoyed setting the pace while I caught his lip with my teeth. If we kept going in this pace, I would become undone before I'd stripped him of his underwear.

I couldn't wait any longer and scooted down the bed to pull off his last remaining piece of clothing. I carefully lowered his boxers while I enjoyed the view of his hardness. I heard him groan quietly when my hands held him. I started to stroke him slowly bit firmly, just the way he liked it. I bent down and took the tip in my mouth. I took him by surprise and was rewarded by a groan and my name whispered from his lips. 

After a while, he laid his warm hands on my cheeks and guided me back to his face. He gently pressed his lips to mine. 'I love you. You know that right?'

I nodded. 'I love you too'

He smiled as his hands caressed my back. 'I'll never let you go. Never.'

I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed his cheek. 'Good, because I wasn't planning on ever leaving you.'

He took my hand and entangled our fingers, after which he pressed a kiss on my hand. 'I'm so madly in love with you' he whispered, causing me to get goosebumps all over my body.

'Please never leave me. You mean the world to me'

He pressed his lips against mine. 'I will stay with you forever'

'Hm .. as much as I love your sweet words... I need you'

He quirked his eyebrow. 'You need me?'

I gently squeezed his arm. 'You know what I mean'

I felt his hardness softly sliding over my opening. 'You mean this?'

I nodded, unable to speak.

'Ask' he said teasingly.

I growled. 'Please..'

'Please what?'

'Take me, please...'

'As you wish' he whispered before he filled me up entirely. 

With every thrust, my moans were getting louder as I opened my mouth with the pleasure he was giving me. His hands were roaming over my body while he bit and kissed my shoulder. I swiveled my hips to tease him, but he wanted the control back and tried to keep me in one place while he thrust up. His actions became harder and purposeful and he knew exactly how to push me higher and over the top to my orgasm. When his soft lips touched mine again I squeezed my walls around him and we both reached our peak. 

I let my body fall softly on top of him and I immediately felt his hands caressing through my hair. I could lay down like this for hours, resting my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as he played with my hair.

'I love you, Col' I whispered again before I fell into a deep, restless sleep.

♥

I opened my eyes. As confused as I was, I felt beside me, but his body wasn't there. It was yet another dream that reminded me of how perfect he was and how perfect our simple life has been. I threw my legs over the edge of the bed and sat up. My head was pounding, so I buried my face in my hands to shut out the light.

I really want to take the bits of you I love and press them like flowers between the pages of my favorite book. I want to take all the scraps that you dislike in yourself and display them to show you that I'm still proud of the person you were and the person you were becoming. But most of all, I want to spin you like a globe and drag my finger across you until it stops to discover the pieces of you that you've yet to reveal to anyone else. I want to wrap those pieces up and place them in an old box. I'd tuck it way safely in the top drawer of my bedside table so you'd know that I'll never let those pieces of you go. You've shared the hidden parts of yourself with me. The bits you thought were unlovable, but I loved every single part of it. All I wanted as a little girl was some glitter in my life. A sparkle in my eyes and a man who loved me endlessly and with a lot of passion. It was always my fairytale, my happily ever after. You gave it all to me, but by losing you I've lost all of it.

I shook my head in disbelief. How could I ever tell this to Ivy? Mason was way too young, but how could I tell her that the police will no longer search for her father? That they gave him up? How could I tell her that they think her father is dead and that he'll probably never come home? A tear rolled down my cheeks. I didn't want to tell her, I didn't want to break her heart, not at her age. But I had to do it. I couldn't lie to her.

 


End file.
